Today's rambling: Well, this vacation sucked.
Written on Sunday, Nov. 28, 2004 at 10:15 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Well, this vacation was a total bust. I stayed in "my" room the entire time playing computer games, and I was miserable pretty much the entire time. For those of you who don't have access to my LJ, the basic story is this: because we have no money, Mom and I had to move in with her friend Charlie (oh yes, the same one that's on my Cast List). Actually, she's the one that did all the moving, as this happened right after I started college this year. Nonetheless, this is where I also have to stay during my vacations, and I hate it. Not because it's him--I've at least grown a tolerance of him, and it IS very nice of him to let us stay here--but because it's not HOME. And no amount of persuading otherwise can make me believe anything else. I get very uncomfortable in other people's homes, and even if I'm having a good time, there's always that anxiousness deep inside to get away and be home again. Only now I have nowhere else to go. And I haven't been having a good time. I cried the first night I got back, and since then I've been more or less moping.

Geoff called me on Friday night. Out of the blue, from work, no less (something he very rarely does), and asked if I could borrow Mom's car so I could drive down to his apartment for a few hours. He's had to work noon-10pm every day except Thanksgiving, so it wouldn't make much sense for him to have driven up here, then back down to his place, and THEN have to come all the way up here again. But Mom usually lets me borrow her car, so I went out and asked.

And she freakin' said NO! Because it's a rental car, and my name isn't listed as one of the drivers. Which is a valid excuse and all, except she let me drive the LAST rental car down to Phoenixville, and then out several times to visit Tiff! I was soooooo upset, you can't even imagine. My only chance to get out of this place for a few hours--and the ONE thing I was looking forward to during this vacation!--and I couldn't even do it! I didn't press the issue, because I like to pretend sometimes that I've matured beyond such things. But inside I was throwing a screaming, kicking tantrum. Geoff briefly considered driving up here anyway, but I quickly said no. As much as I wanted to see him, there was no way I was going to make him go through all that just for a couple of hours. So I've just been hanging out, getting fatter, and looking forward to tomorrow when I can go back to Clarion. Who'd have figured I'd be anxious for THAT? But at least I have things to do up there, and the only good things missing from there are Mom and Geoff.

Man, I am SO frustrated, and SO depressed...not that the depression thing is new. I've been going through this for the past several years, only moreso within the past few months. I've already ranted about all that before, though, so I won't bore you with it again.

On the (one) plus side, Mom rented the movie "Help!" for me this afternoon, because I've been wanting to see it again SO badly for the past few weeks. The last time I saw this movie was at LEAST 10 years ago, but I'm thinking it was a few more than that. The only bit I remembered from it was the part where the Beatles jump into this pool of water and end up in a public swimming pool, hehe! I had fun watching it again, though. I like it better than "Hard Day's Night," probably because there's more of a plot and less singing (I'm not a huge fan of musicals of any kind, hehe...I just like the Beatles movies because they're hilarious). :P

Anyway, that's it. Nothing else is going on right now...except that I have to put an Avon order in soon. Woohoo.