Today's rambling: I'm so FAT!
Written on Wednesday, Jun. 02, 2004 at 10:32 a.m.
while feeling a bit

Torrid.com has got some ridiculously cute clothes. And they're all for OVERWEIGHT GIRLS. Like me. Granted, I have to pay several limbs in order to get just a few articles of clothing, but after the shitty day I just had trying to find a simple pair of JEANS, I'm not going to complain.

All jeans that are made out of stretch denim should promptly be BURNT. Every single last pair. I guess if you're thinner, it doesn't really matter if there happens to be spandex in your jeans, because there's nothing for it to cling to. But for people like me, spandex is SATAN. I can't even describe to you how much I loathe that effing crap. It wouldn't bother me so much if they were still making jeans the normal way, but no. Neither Lane Bryant nor Torrid have jeans without freakin' SPANDEX in them. What fat girl wants to wear that shit? I thought we'd all learned from stirrup pants that stretchiness is not a good thing? It's not like the spandex makes you better able to fit into the pants; I had to go a size up just to fit into the damn jeans, and then they didn't fit around my waist!

Who decided stretch denim was a good thing? Because I will kill them. I will slave away the rest of my life to get enough money to hire a hitman and take out the person who was stupid enough to have created such a ridiculous material. Grrr.

On the plus side, (ha ha, get it? 'Plus'? *cough* Nevermind.) I bought a couple of cute tops from Torrid, plus these really cute pink sandals that match the tops, and a couple of bottoms that I'm not even going to mention lest I be jinxed. But suffice it to say, they contain no spandex. Oh joy! Oh rapture!

Ironically, my "fat jeans" (the only pair I own that I feel comfortable wearing in public) have 2% spandex in them. I don't know how much stretch denim happens to have, but it's obviously a lot more.

I tried on a couple of skirts at Lane Bryant today, but unfortunately I have the curse of saddlebags and wide hips. The former problem can be smoothed out easily enough, if I'm willing to stuff myself like a sausage and not breathe comfortably while I'm wearing the skirt. The latter, problem, however, is something I'll be cursed with forever. Kind of sad, how I don't want kids and yet I've got the hips for them...But at any rate, I had picked out three of the CUTEST skirts! They were all light and breezy, but they went down to my ankles and that just isn't very flattering because it makes me look really squat and stumpy. So, added to the stretch denim problem, that put me in a stupidly bad mood for the rest of the day. I'm only just getting past the 'self-loathing' stage now, though I'm still at a very 'displeased with myself' stage that will probably linger for awhile.

I'm not going to be able to fit into my prom dress for the LOJ masquerade ball in July, so I need to search for another outfit. I'm not sure if it would fit right, but there's a Simplicity pattern for a fairy dress, and it's empire-waisted so at least it wouldn't suck around my large lower half. However, I don't know how to sew. I made some stupid little skirt last summer (that I never even finished), but making a whole dress (no matter how simple the finished product is) is well beyond my ken. And I don't have anyone to help me, either. So basically, I'm screwed. I don't know what to do.

Today was just a generally depressing day. I think I'm going to go buy some yummyful items from Sephora and worry later about Mom yelling me for charging so much. But hey, at least the clothing retail therapy is something I actually needed. Buying body washes is an unneeded thing, but dangit, I need to feel pretty somehow.