Today's rambling: I hate ALL of them!!!
Written on Sunday, Feb. 08, 2004 at 10:18 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Oh my god, I don't know why I have any interest at all in that man. I'm so angry at him right now I don't even want to think about him. And yet here I am, venting in my diary. Go figure.

He signed on tonight and as usual, even though I had an away message up saying I was doing homework (which I was), I IMed him anyway. He told me he'd just sent me a link to something that was kind of funny, so I went to go look at it. Big whoop-dee-froo-ha, it was the top half of some naked woman whose nipple followed your cursor around. a)I've seen that effect (with G-rated stuff) millions of times, and b)It was a woman's NIPPLE. I am not interested in seeing what I already have. I could have lifted my shirt, grabbed onto my own, and tugged it around for the same effect!

At any rate, he decided to get on my case for closing the window so quickly...then tacked on something to the effect of "there you go again, bailing out before you give it a chance, like all those tapes I wasted my time making that you never listened to" or whatever. He also sent me like 50 million emails the other night, each one containing nothing but a link to lyrics to different Pink Floyd songs. When any other person does that, I just delete them all. But I decided to just open all of them up so at least it looked like I'd read them. He, having called my bluff earlier when I said I'd read a certain set of lyrics, decided to check his 'Sent' folder and see that I'd 'read' them all in less than a minute. So yeah, all of a sudden now I 'bail out' before I give anything a chance.

Fucker. I've only devoted wasted two years of my life going after him.

So yeah, I got angry, and then just stopped talking. He tried doing his usual stupid jokes, which I didn't respond to, and then finally he was like, "Oh, I get it - you actually took what I said seriously and got mad. When did you start doing that?"

o_O

I'm well aware of the fact that Geoff tends not to take anything in life seriously (except music, anyway). You could probably yell and scream at him about how upset you were about something, and he'd most likely just tell you you were stupid and leave it at that. So to him, maybe he thought all that was a joke or something...which is retarded, but even so, you don't say things like that just out of the blue. It's like the nervous "LOL" after you've just said something potentially meaningful, just to try and keep the other person from thinking you were being serious or something.

And I do feel bad for not having listened to some of those tapes he made me. But I never asked that he make me Rolling Stones tapes or Yes tapes. For goodness' sake, I don't even really like the Rolling Stones! The only ones I really wanted were the Led Zeppelin tapes! And I've listened to both of those several times (the first one manymany times). But yeah, he made those for me a couple of months ago, and I have yet to even crack open the Yes tapes yet. So maybe my anger was borne more of guilt over the fact that yeah, he DID do all that for me, and I haven't even listened to them. But we never even TALK about the damn tapes, so where the heck did this hostility come from???

At any rate, there was more silence as I figured out how to do this assignment, and then finally he made some comment about how I must still be suffering from menstruation or moodiness or whatever, "so have a lovely night". And before I could reply, he signed off!

Note to any male types reading this: NEVER USE THE 'MENSTRUATION/PMS' EXCUSE FOR OUR BEHAVIOR. The next one to do that will have something sharp impaled through his head. Test me and see if I'm joking. I f-ing HATE that. Yeah, it is common for women to become moody around that time. So what? Men get retarded, too, but apparently that's okay! Hey, go ahead, be fuckheads! It's the testosterone! I think that's what I'll use from now on. "You couldn't help it; the Neanderthal in you was coming out. It's that time of the month, after all."

I happen to be a moody person. My mother knows it, my friends know it...well, most of them, at any rate. The menfolk in my life are pretty much the only ones who DON'T know it, because they just can't seem to comprehend it. And in the cases of Geoff and Tim, I get harassed needlessly on the rare occasion that they see me as less than my usual self.

GAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I hate men. IhatethemIhatethemIhatethem.

Maybe I should pick one of those mindless, desperately clingy ones instead. At least then we wouldn't have to worry about these instances arising...