Today's rambling: The thrill is gone
Written on Tuesday, Jan. 13, 2004 at 4:59 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Ha ha ha!!! I no longer have an 8 o'clock volleyball class to worry about! The drop/add period started today at noon, and at first I was afraid I wouldn't be here at the start of it because my Science and Society class runs from 11 to 12:15. But bless that man's heart, he only kept us long enough to give us the syllabus and go through a brief summary of what the class will be about. So I got back here with plenty of time to spare! Aaaand, I was able to add 'Relaxation Skills' to my schedule, whee! That's the class Kristen registered for, and when I looked yesterday there was only one slot still open in that class. Pam had said she wanted to get it, and I was bound and determined that I would be the one to get it. And I did! ;) The funny thing is, that class apparently gets filled up immediately by seniors and juniors, and I'm just a lowly sophomore! Bwe he he...

Kristen and I were wandering around trying to find out where this class was being held, and we'd just found out and had started walking up the stairs when someone called out my name. Turning, I saw it was Alysha (the one whose name I never know how to spell), and she was going to the same class that we were. So I waited for her, and just as she reached where I was, I heard someone else call my name. It was Steph and Erin (from Phi Sig Pi), and they were going to the same class as well! Hehe...Poor Kristen was like, "No fair! You know all these people and I don't!" But hey, at least she's got me right? That's all anybody needs. ;)

I think I'm actually going to enjoy this class. We're mostly going to be doing meditation stuff, but I guess there'll also be things like yoga and pilates and all of that. The professor made it sound like we were all going to have to adjust for sitting around for so long being completely silent, but I was like, "I'm quiet 99% of the time anyway; it's certainly not going to be an arduous task to keep quiet for an hour or so!"

Anyway, I think that was the only good class I had today. I was looking forward to Temporal Media, which I had at 9:30 this morning, but practically half of the TV crew is also in that class. Kyle happens to be one of them. And this girl Andrea, who's a vacuous, tinny-voiced little blonde girl. She works at the station, and I remember the first time I saw her on the news I was thinking, "Why'd they let her do a report? She's horrible!" And then I found out that she's not only a reporter person, she's also a news anchor. o_O I hate the fact that extroverted people are always seen as being the talented ones, even though there are many instances when the introverted people could have done a much better job! But oh well, I take nose-in-the-air solace from the fact that my grades are better than theirs. ;) I have to keep thinking about that, otherwise I'll fade into my "I'm not as good as they are" complex...and I'm certainly no less valuable than they are! Given a chance, I'm sure I could do all of their jobs with quiet reliability. Not all at once, mind you, lol! It's just that when learning new things, I get nervous when the more experienced folks watch me because I'm positive that I'm doing something wrong and they'll see it. So it's sort of like a self-sabotaging thing in a way, I guess...

This semester, I think I might get to be floor director. Jamie told me that since I'm a 'veteran' of sorts, I can pick pretty much whatever I want to (within reason, anyway). I wouldn't bother with the station at all anymore if it wasn't for the fact that I'd like to give TV stuff a try once I graduate. Maybe the environment won't get any better in the professional world, though. I mean, I've heard it said that you have to have a certain degree of narcissism to be in TV, so maybe all the people that work for professional TV stations are as shallow and cliquey as the folks here at college. Which makes it sort of funny that I have such an interest in television, because I don't think I'm like that at all. Or maybe I just don't see those qualities in myself because no one wants to think of themselves as shallow. I dunno!

On a different (yet oh-so-familiar) topic, I called Geoff last night. And we talked for a little over an hour and a half, touching briefly on marriage...in the 'generally speaking' sense, and not at all in any sort of 'our future together' kind of way. I had made a comment about how the idealistic view of marriage is just something fun (y'know, getting to be with so-and-so forever, blah blah), and he pointed out that that's mostly a female way of thinking. Not that there aren't guys who might look at it that way as well, but you get the idea. Anyway, I replied teasingly that men always considered it being chained down and whatever...and then I tried saying something to the effect of "I wonder which would be worse, spending the rest of your life alone, or spending it with someone else?" But I couldn't seem to form the words to say it (because I was also going to add something about which would be more annoying), and so eventually I just gave up without even saying more than "I wonder", heh...Thankfully, he somehow knew what line of thought I was going on, so he voiced what I'd been trying to say.

His reply to the question that there were obvious advantages to having someone, but the funny part was...they were all sort of...not materialistic, but I guess basic needs sort of things. Things like "When you get older, if you have children they'll ideally be there to take care of you" and "If you stay single all your life, you won't have anyone eventually and who knows what'll happen to you..." He went on to say that that was probably how he was going to end up, but before something that bad happened he'd probably kill himself. I was like, "Don't even say that!" (but of course what I really wanted to do was exclaim, "NO! YOU HAVE MEE!" hehe) Still, I don't know. Am I just wasting my time? I keep repeating over and over not only that question (in various forms), but also that I know he cares about me. That much is obvious. But just because he cares for me doesn't mean he's ever going to think about marriage. Maybe I'm just being too hasty and jumping to conclusions because of my own fears that I might end up alone. Who knows. It was just a sort of discouraging conversation. That part of it, anyway. It was still lovely to talk to him, as always! Or most of the time, anyway. ;)

I went out for about two hours last night to celebrate Lisa's birthday. Actually, it was her twin sister Cathy's birthday too (obviously), so she came to the bar along with some of the over-21 Phi Sigma Pi gang. It was SO nice because, being a Monday night, the bar was hardly crowded at all. There was no DJ, and therefore no loud music...and therefore we could actually talk to each other without having to scream. It was nice, and I learned a couple of new drinks in the bargain, hehe! Always expanding my repertoire of drinks that don't taste strongly of alcohol... :P

I guess that's about it. It's about 5 o'clock, I'm meeting Miss Amanda for dinner (mebbe Kevin too, assuming he's available), and then hopefully I can get to the Rec Center for a little while. I have to start this 500 miles thing, lol!