Today's rambling: Dad Strikes Again
Written on Monday, Dec. 08, 2003 at 5:21 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Oh my god IhatemydadandIwishhewoulddie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, maybe not the last part, but I am so SICK AND TIRED of his sheer stupidity...and the sad part is, it's only been a month or so since we've started talking again! But he just has this way about him that completely pisses me off and yet he doesn't seem to realize that he's an annoying prick. I don't expect him to understand why I hate La Whore and I wish she would die (I'd like to say I'm exaggerating about that part, but I'm really not. I hate her with an unholy passion). But he chalks it up to me being immature, just like he ALWAYS does. "One day you'll grow up and realize things, Amber." "One day, when you're mature..." Maybe it's time for YOU to grow up, Father. I've come to realize that sometimes people just don't get along, but the way that bitch went about doing things was wrong. She played everyone--especially him--like we were all cards or chess pieces or something, and yet he expects me to act like it's okay for her to exist? Sorry, I don't befriend whores! Oh, and then he gives me this saintly line about how he hounds after La Whore's kids to see their father if they aren't visiting enough.

THAT POOR MAN WAS THE OTHER VICTIM OF THIS CIRCUS SHOW. Why would his kids be opposed to seeing him? Hell, I'd have gone to LIVE with the man, instead of living with their slutty mother!

It's not fair the way I'm treated by this man, even though I'm definitely into adulthood and don't technically need to even talk to him anymore. He emailed me today with this whole defensive spiel of "Guess I'm on your shit list again" or something like that. I wanted to write back with an un-abbreviated "WTF??" but I knew that wouldn't fly. Still, I'm tired of him treating me like I'm a baby. He's forced me to act like an adult ever since I was a baby. Why was I cursed with this family? I wish my mother had married someone else. I'd still have the same soul, but maybe my father would actually LOVE me, instead of just saying he loves me in one breath and then beating me down in the next. There'd also be the added bonus of probably not going through hereditary hair loss, not having all these hideous spider veins, not having to worry about whether I'll have heart problems like everyone else on his side of the family...See? Everything that is fucked up in my life is caused by him and his side of the family. And what's sad is that I'm not even joking or exaggerating. I haven't inherited anything from my mother's side (unless, of course, Alzheimer's is hereditary and I somehow get that by some freak chance). If time machines are invented during my time, you're gonna have to show me some serious evidence to deter me from going back and changing my own history. Because if I could give my past self a truly loving home, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Anyway, enough with this depressing entry. I'm not going to let myself dwell on how wretched things are, because they could be a whole lot worse. I could be in jail for beating down La Whore. Bwa ha ha...Oh, no matter the bail money, it would so be worth it to sock that face of hers...with teeth that were fixed using OUR money (not that he'll ever admit to that)...

Anyone have a kind, decent father that wouldn't mind having an adoptive daughter? I'm well-behaved, despite what you've just read here!