Today's rambling: Brief recap
Written on Sunday, Aug. 24, 2003 at 7:36 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Hey Diary, it's me again! :P

I'm using Kristen's computer, because the library's closed and I just really really felt like writing a diary entry. Thus, here we go!

Yesterday went smoothly. The minivan that Mom borrowed was big enough to fit pretty much all my stuff...and the only reason we DIDN't get all my stuff in there is because she wanted to be able to see out of the back window. Tim rode with her, while I got to ride with Geoff in the Blazer that he and Tim had rented. The 5 hours to get to Clarion seemed to go by SO fast! Before I knew it there we were, entering 'downtown' Clarion. I felt proud in a way, being able to finally show him the places that I'd told him about last year! We drove by the house on Liberty Street that I wish I could live in, and everyone agreed that it was a really cute place. We ate dinner at China Penn, so they finally got to sample the Chinese that I'd always been raving about last year, hehe...and then we went back to the hotel, where Mom went to bed and I hung out for a few hours in Geoff and Tim's room.

Actually, before that we stopped over at Ralston and I got to say hi to Amanda (and, of course, introduce her to the boys, hehe). I was a little surprised that Geoff and Tim both hugged her in greeting...not unpleasantly surprised, of course, just somewhat shocked, because I'd figured they'd just shake her hand or something. It was good to see them getting along right away. Amanda, as always, was bright and bubbly and cheerful, and I don't know what she thought about them but I know that they liked her. ^_^ As selfish as it sounds, though, the best part (other than seeing MandaBean again, of course!) was that I'd glance over at Geoff every so often and he'd already be looking at me with this soft, warm, affectionate sort of smile. I wonder if she noticed, bwe he he.... ;) I'm always looking for affirmation that yes, he actually DOES like me...but you already knew that!

I went out to breakfast with Geoff and Tim this morning, and then everybody went to Walmart to get some last-minute stuff for me...and that was where things got temporarily icky. Tim came over to Mom and I after a little while and told me to go show him where this certain scrapbooking stuff was, and then to pick out some other things that I wanted. A really sweet gesture, and I never wanted either of them to think that I was ungrateful, but I get SOO awkward with stuff like that! I can't imagine myself going through the aisle like, "Hey, buy this for me! Oh, and this too!" It would be one thing if he'd been like, "Here, I got these things for you," but I just can't go through picking things out. And Geoff thought that I was being snobby or ungrateful or something, so I think he got irritated with me for a few minutes. I can't help that, though. I don't know if it's me not realizing how I'm coming off to people, or him being overly sensitive, but that sort of thing happens rather often between us. He'll think I'm being snooty, I get mad (and a little hurt) because he's overreacting...But thankfully, he gets over those things rather quickly. :P

The dorm was repainted and refurnished over the summer, and now it has the sterile atmosphere of a hospital. The hallways are 10 times brighter now, which is great, but the walls are all painted white. Even our rooms are painted white, and I'm not sure which was worse: the new, sterile color; or the old, somewhat depressing blue. But we've got a pretty rose-colored carpet to warm things up, and all our furniture is new, and I'm making curtains to go over my closet (the only thing that remains from the old room), so I guess it'll all be okay. Once I find spaces for everything. X_X

Close to 3, Geoff said that he had to leave because he has to go to Wegman's tonight and finish up something (ugh). So I walked them all downstairs. I'd been meaning to get Mom alone and ask her if she could draw Tim away long enough that I could get a few moments alone with Geoff, but I forgot...and as a result all I really got from him was a hug. : He went to the Blazer, Tim went over to the minivan to get something out of it, and that's when I told Mom to go distract him. So as she walked over to talk to him, I went back over and leaned against the Blazer window, hoping to talk just a little bit more with Geoff. When I'd hugged him, I whimpered, "Come up and visit me, okay?" He said he'd be up during ALF (which is in October), but we'll see if that happens. At any rate, at the car we said a few words and then I lamented, in a mournful voice, "I'm going to miss you!"

"I'm going to miss you too," he said earnestly, "but you'll be having fun up here..." Et cetera. Thankfully, when Tim finally walked over he said that he wanted to drive, so Geoff got out of the car...and I said I wanted another hug. :P Too bashful to try anything more (especially with Mom and Tim right there), I kissed him on the cheek. He made a reaction, hehe, but there was nothing more to it. I said bye to Tim once more, said bye to Mom (and she burst into a spontaneous--but hopefully brief--fit of tears), and then started walking back toward the building. I don't know if it was Geoff or Tim that whistled at me (in the 'hey, foxy lady!' sort of way), but when I turned around they were both looking at me and grinning. So I wiggled my bum at them and then headed into my dorm building.

I'm going to miss Mom, of course, but right now, the thing that's making me sit here and want to indulge in a long cry is Geoff. I love him, Diary. I know everyone reading this is probably gagging, but I do. I can't help it! I know things don't always go smoothly between us, but that's fine. It would be weird if we never got irritated with each other. All I know is that I miss him desperately, and he hasn't even been gone more than 4 hours or so! *sighs* I really don't know what I'm going to do. Other than the obvious "Get brave and tell the man your feelings!" thing, though I've technically already told him that I like him. And I'm constantly calling him 'dear' and 'darlin' and other such silly things that you'd think might let him know that I still care for him. But who knows! Maybe he'll never return my affection. Or, if he actually DOES care for me right now, maybe he'll never allow himself to show it. Something has to give, though. I'm just not sure when or how it'll happen.

Kevin called tonight while I was out, but I don't really feel like returning the call. Other than Kristen, I'm not sure I want to see anybody tonight, you know? I just want to get my copious belongings into their proper places and then relax for the evening. Though it sucks because I have no computer. X_X I really hope that laptop gets sent back home within the next couple of days! Then it'll be another few days before Mom can send it up here, but at least it might be here by the end of the week!

I want a Robert Plant poster something fierce. I forgot all my posters at home (figures), but I think tomorrow I'll stop by Gemmell and check out their poster sale (assuming it'll still be going on). If nothing else, I might buy that fabric tapestry thingy that Geoff pointed out in the bookstore today. I'm feeling very Led Zeppelin-y lately.

Homesickness isn't as bad this year as it was last year. Lovesickness, much as I am loath to admit it, is in full swing. Have I ever admitted to actual love in this diary before? I feel like I'm opening a part of my life that no one actually knows...

At any rate, I guess that's it. I should definitely work on getting some more stuff packed away into drawers and onto shelves. And there's a mandatory meeting tonight at 10 o'clock, which'll be fun out the wazoo! Just a meet'n'greet thing...but it's so sad because all but 3 girls are totally new! I don't know if they're all freshmen, but I've never seen them before. I miss the old crowd! But to end on a bright note:

WE HAVE A MICROFRIDGE! Yayyyyyy!!! Ice cream whenever we want it (assuming we buy it of course, LOL!), warmed food whenever we want it (or hot tea/cocoa)...it is going to be such a great year with my friend the MicroFridge.