Today's rambling: C'est l'amour!
Written on Monday, Jul. 14, 2003 at 3:21 a.m.
while feeling a bit

WARNING: Sappiness shall be prevalent in this entry. Turn back now if you can't stomach it. No frivolous lawsuits because you weren't warned, because...you were. :P

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Why is it that the only really really good things that happen between Geoff and I occur while one--or both--of us is inebriated? :P

Tim called yesterday, but I didn't answer the phone the first time. Mom answered when he called again, and after talking to him for about 5 minutes she came into my room and handed the phone over to me. Remember how Ben and Ernie were going to the bar with Geoff as a farewell sort of thing? Tim offered to drive Mom and I down there. Well, I thought I was included in that, anyway. As it turned out, Tim had planned to take me out to dinner (nothing fancy) while the rest of them drank. He thought that I hadn't been invited, so he was being nice and offering to take me out somewhere anyway. By the time I discovered his true plans, I had already agreed to go...and then I felt like shooting myself.

As it turned out, Mom decided to drive down and meet him because she didn't want to stay at the bar all night. We were originally going to meet at a certain destination, but I remembered how to get to the apartment so we just went all the way there. Mom said that we both had to walk in with her (because she felt odd walking into the bar by herself), but I wasn't going to complain. As much as I still remember the pain caused by my last bout of Long Island Iced Teas, I'd decided that I was going to down one of those before subjecting myself to being alone with Tim. LOL! I'm making it sound as though I was being forced into sleeping with him!

We got there around 5 and stayed 'til about 6:30 (probably closer to 7). Kirsten arrived a little after 6, and of course that little green demon called jealousy began seething within me. At least my common sense still rules sometimes, because it really is stupid to get jealous of the girl. At any rate, I slid off my barstool and was just saying goodbye to Mom when Geoff came up behind me and Tim. "You're leaving?" he asked? To my--admittedly pleasant--surprise, he flicked the very briefest of glances downward at my chest. Now, just half an hour previously, I think both Ben and Ernie (though mostly Ernie) were gaping at my assets but I wouldn't have even known about it if Mom hadn't made a remark. I wasn't quite so pleased with that, since of course I don't want either of them. Here's a funny (at least, to me) story about how I chose my shirt for the evening. I wanted to wear my Pirate's Booty shirt from AE because it's my favorite, but I knew that would get an endless number of jokes about my own 'booty'. So I put on my new Tiki-a-go-go shirt (also from AE) instead. Heh. Instead of having a suggestive comment on it, it was tight enough that my chest was quite well-defined. X_X

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Geoff was all surprised--and looking a little unhappy!--about the fact that we were leaving. Tim assured that we would be back, and sure enough, about 2 hours later we returned. The guys had been at this bar since close to 4 pm, and by the time Tim and I left the first time, Ben was already pretty drunk. By the time we returned, Ben was completely gone, Ernie was loud and sarcastic (which meant he was drunk), Kirsten looked to be a little tipsy, and Geoff was definitely inebriated as well. Ah, the fun of hanging out with a drinking crowd. ;) Mom left soon after I got back.

This bar has karaoke on Saturday nights, and the girl started handing out folders of songs to people. Kirsten and Geoff started perusing one of them, both of them actually serious about going up and singing something. Even before that, though, Geoff was talking to her so intently (his back to me) that I was wishing for a time that I'd gone home with Mom! I think I was feeling so vulnerable because of the weird way Kirsten was acting. She was actually looking at me as though she was jealous and wanted me gone! They weren't mean looks, but you could sense the sort of restrained manner in which she was treating me. And she only stayed maybe an hour or so after I returned (they never did any karaoke songs, hehe). I won't lie and say I wasn't relieved to see her go, hehe...

Ernie left after another hour or two, after hugging Geoff many times (THAT was hilarious). It was evident by this point that Geoff was completely wasted. And me, being the sweet, shy little thing that I am, took advantage of it. *grins*

Geoff made a remark about the tips of his fingers going numb on his right hand, and for whatever reason I reached out and took said hand. I was only going to hold it briefly, but he didn't even seem to mind so I clasped his hand in both of mine and began rubbing my thumbs lightly along the back. That was the first time I'd ever gotten to do something like that before. I think my entire being just softened, my mind stopped focusing on the loud karaoke music, and for a few minutes I just looked down and studied the contrast of my hands against his. "Your hands are really soft!" Geoff exclaimed, which I took as a sign that I could continue the soft caresses. Every so often he'd draw away to clap for the latest karaoke singer (actually, it was pretty much just two people all night, with a couple of others coming in every so often), but as soon as he was finished he'd kind of put his hand back out for me. 'Course, several times I had to prompt him to do so, but who's complaining? ;)

Kirsten, when she'd left, had talked to the karaoke girl and told her Geoff's name and such, so the girl (Ren�e) kept bugging him to go up and sing a song. She said she'd sing a duet with him (her voice was really really good), and so when she found a duet song he actually went up there!!! I was in stitches; singing karaoke is something I would never have expected Geoff to do. But alcohol does funny things to a person, no? Anyway, the song was "Endless Love", and Geoff didn't know ANY of the words. Even with the television thingy telling him what to sing, he was pretty much unintelligible. It was absolutely hilarious.

And then he decided that I, too, was going to get up in front of a barroom full of people and sing. So he went up a little later to ask Ren�e to put on a Queen song for me. She got him to sing yet another song, lol (I forget the title), but for awhile I was hoping that she wasn't going to seriously make me go up. Yet she did. As I walked up to the front of the room, all the other karaoke singers off to the left side were clapping heartily for me. Completely abashed, I grinned shyly, ducked my head, and clasped my hands behind my back as I approached the microphone. Geoff stood beside me as my moral support. :P

And so I sang karaoke. For the first time in my young life. The song was "You're My Best Friend," by Queen, and I'm pleased to say that I did well. ^_^ I know, I know, karaoke is meant to be crappy, but I can't bear to embarrass myself in front of people. There was only one note I couldn't really hit, so I broke off right before and laughingly said I couldn't go that high. The music was off-key from the original, so I know I went off tune a couple of times while singing...but generally speaking, I didn't make a complete fool of myself. ;) After I was finished, Ren�e was like, "This girl says she can't sing, and comes up here and sings f*ing Freddie Mercury..." Five or ten minutes later, she was walking by and backed up just as she passed me. "You have to go back up there," she stated vehemently. "Your voice was so good! I've given voice lessons for 7 years, so I know."

"No, I sucked!" I laughed (because despite the fact that I didn't embarrass myself, neither did I think I was fantastic).

"What do you mean? You sang f*ing Freddie Mercury! How many people can do that?"

Hehe...Yeah, I'm sure she was only saying that to get me back up there, but it was good for the ego nonetheless. I still can't believe I sang freakin' karaoke, though. I never thought I'd do something like that, hehe!

But back to the romance of the night. ;) I can't remember when exactly all these little stories occurred, so just in case you were hoping for something all nice and chronological (*giggles*), this isn't. Anyway, Tim had gone off to the bathroom and so it was just Geoff and I (in our little group, anyway). He was standing against the bar, in front of me, and he made some remark about me looking like an 80's music video for some reason. :P I think he made another comment or a request or whatever, because I leaned forward and stared at him...but I had this strong feeling that he was going to kiss me or something and, momentarily panicking, I laughed and sat back again. Am I dumb, or what? Actually, I guess I'm not. I mean, when he and I kiss for the first time, I want us both to be totally sober for it! ;)

Geoff then said, soon after the 80's video comment, "You look like a woman tonight."

Laughing, I retorted, "Didn't I before?"

"Yeah, you did." And that was it, 'cause Tim returned. But, somehow we got on the topic of age (or maybe we didn't; Geoff was making a lot of random comments last night). Geoff looked at Tim suddenly and exclaimed, "She's twenty-two!" Tim and I nodded, and Geoff was like, "She's twenty-two!" Some remark about forgetting that fact sometimes.

"Do you think I'm older or younger usually?" I inquired. I was pleased when he said 'older'.

I'm afraid I might have made Tim feel a little awkward, because practically all night from that point I had Geoff's hand in mine, brushing my fingers along the palm, along the back, and even the tips of his fingers from time to time. His hands aren't much larger than mine, but his fingers are much thicker. At one point, I just held his hand and twined my fingers through his, then brushed my thumb back and forth. Twice, his thumb brushed the back of my hand for the briefest of moments and my breath caught in my throat. It probably sounds so silly and juvenile, but as innocent as the contact was, it was the most exquisite feeling.

When we finally left the bar (around 1 am, I think), Tim asked me if I knew how to drive and then tossed me his keys. He took Geoff's keys (Geoff drives a manual shift car, which I'd never be able to drive), and they got into Geoff's car while I drove Tim's. I haven't driven in at least 2 years, and despite the relatively short distance between the bar and their apartment, I still prayed to make it there safely (and without being caught by the police!). Everything went smoothly, I sang in a loud and very off-key voice to a song by The Supremes, and all was good.

The original plan had been to go out to a diner for some food, but Geoff sat down on the couch and got that sleepy expression on his face that meant he was about to doze off. I came in, sat down next to him, and laid my head against his chest. I think he laughingly said "Uh oh!" but that was pretty much the last I heard from him. He dozed off, his head drooping and his face just inches away from my hair (I think he might have inhaled it once by accident, heehee), and I closed my eyes and nuzzled contentedly against him. Tim figured we were both asleep, and I was in no mood to prove otherwise. So he went to bed and I was left alone with a sleeping Geoff, listening to his heart beat in one ear and his soft breathing in the other.

Over the course of the night he shifted several times, and his left arm, which had been curled behind his head, dropped down on top of my head a couple of times. Hehehe...I took his hand (it curled reflexively around mine one time) and moved so that his arm was sort of draped over my shoulder. Almost wonderingly, I once again trailed my fingers along his hand, feeling almost as though I was dreaming. It wasn't quite as lovely as it might have been had he put an arm around me willingly, but it was pleasant nonetheless. And then at one point I just started feeling a little sad. Does anyone remember the scene in "Pretty Woman" where Julia and Richard are lying in bed, and she's sort of caressing his arm, thinking he's asleep? That scene popped absurdly into my head, yet in a strange way it was sort of fitting. I knew that once Geoff woke up, none of this would be happening again for a long time. The only time he ever seems to let his defenses down is when he's buzzed (this is the first time I've ever seen him well and truly drunk). And besides that, I'm too nervous to try any of this stuff when he's sober. :P So I brushed the back of my hand up and down his arm a couple of times, and I'm a little embarrassed to admit (to you, Diary) that I mouthed "I love you" before shifting a little and curling my arm around his stomach.

A little before 5 am, Geoff wordlessly pushed himself off the couch and pulled aside the sheet that's draped across the doorway (to keep the cool air in the living room). He turned and saw that I was awake (though I'd never slept), gave a little wave, and disappeared on the other side of the curtain. I thought he'd gone upstairs and was feeling rather lonely as I moved over to lay on the cot. But Geoff came back and flopped on the couch again. He made some silly remark, I turned off the television, and he was asleep again. I never got to sleep until 7, thereabouts...because my darling Gee-oh-free snores. XP Not the loud, wall-rattling snoring, but something more resembling sleep apnea. Which would explain why he's always so tired during the day. Anyway...

This is getting to be a long entry! XD

Geoff went back to his room around 7-ish (he sometimes sleeps in the livingroom because it's cooler than his room at night), and I finally went to sleep. Woke up for around an hour, but then slept until after 2 in the afternoon. I was surprised that Geoff hadn't roused me earlier, because he eats dinner over at his mother's house on Sundays. What I didn't count on was the fact that he'd have a really bad hangover. *giggles* I have to say I felt really really bad for him, though, because he said he'd been sick twice, and he was still feeling really bleh. So bleh that he didn't even bother to put anything on over his boxers when he returned to the livingroom. I did not complain. ^_^

We had Chinese takeaway (I've always wanted to say that!) around 5:30 or 6, and as Geoff was trying to eat his soup he got my attention and told me to look at the hand that was holding the soup spoon. It was trembling so badly that I was surprised he wasn't spilling the broth all over himself! And yeah, I know the sickness was his fault, but at that moment I felt such a surge of...I don't know, protectiveness, that I wanted to hold him against me while he cozied up underneath a big blanket and rested. But of course I didn't. Because he was sober and, most importantly, trying to eat. Hehe...

My time was all but ruined by my mother, unfortunately. Despite all her wishes that I become independent and such, she expects me to call her all the time. And yeah, the least I could have done was just given a call and said, "Sorry, Geoff's not feeling well so I'm not sure when I'll be home," but I was having a good time. I'm sorry that I didn't think to call her to let her know that I was still alive. She left 2 voicemails on my cell phone (which was turned off), one at 2 and one at 8 in the evening. In the second one, she was really angry and snapped that the least I could do was give her a phone call to let her know 'where the f* [I] am.' Ohhhh, but that pissed me off. I'm so tired of being the kid! She can be out all damn day, or even all night, but never thinks to call me. Yet I have to alert her to my every move or else she has a conniption! I called her but handed the cell to Tim. No one answered, so he left a message...and a few minutes later she called back on their phone. Tim answered, but quickly handed it over to me...and of course she started yelling at me.

"You're out all day and I never get a phone call," I said heatedly.

Another f-bomb or two was dropped by her, and the general gist of her reply was that I know where she is because she only hangs out with one person, blah blah...Said something else about having the decency to call her, and I gave a laconic--and, I'm ashamed to confess, a little provokingly careless--"Okay". Her reply was a terse, "Fine. Good-bye." I'm not sure if she heard my quiet, exasperated remark as I searched for the 'off' button on the phone, but yeah. I was riled up for a little while after that.

Anyway, we finally get to the end of the night. Tim drove me home (in his car) at 11-something, and Geoff sat in the back seat. He was feeling better by that point, but I'm sure he still wasn't feeling terrific. I was feeling positively disgusting and unkempt, because I hadn't expected to stay overnight and as such hadn't brought anything with me...not even a toothbrush. Cringe with me. This has given me a lessen, and at the soonest possible convenience I am buying travel-size toothbrush and toothpaste. Which I will carry with me whenever I go out with them. :P And now that I've ruined the mood with comments on my hygiene...*grins*

As I got out of the car, I said bye to Tim and waited for Geoff to climb out of the backseat before saying, "C'mere and give me a hug, Retired Boy." I expected one of the usual brief embraces. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me, drew me firmly against him, and held me there much longer than he's ever done before. I had put my arms around his shoulders, then started to pull back thinking that he was about to do the same thing...but he just kept me there, and my arms tightened around him in response. Oh, if only Tim hadn't been there! I'm quite sure I would have turned and kissed Geoff if it had just been the two of us. I felt so warm and secure and wanted at that moment! I'm fairly certain I floated down to my apartment. ;)

I can only imagine how I'll react when we finally kiss (geez, can I get any more girl-ish?). When I kissed my first/only boyfriend for the first time--well and truly kissed him, not just the usual pecks--my legs literally went weak. We were out in my driveway, and I somehow managed to go from his car (he was leaving) to the back porch before I sat, visibly trembling, on the steps. Oh yes, I'm sure it's the reaction of an innocent, but I was so unbelievably happy at that moment! Considering how fiercely I care for Geoff, I'm expecting some full-scale fireworks. ;)

Okay. Entry--and, therefore, sappiness--over. To those of you who read this far and didn't get sick to your stomach, I commend you. ;) Ooo, it felt so nice to get all of this written down!