Today's rambling: Stuck at home
Written on Tuesday, Jun. 17, 2003 at 7:36 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I've been sick to my stomach all day. Well, it comes and goes, but nonetheless it's not really a normal thing. I thought this morning that it might have been due to not sleeping all night, but I slept for awhile and I'm still feeling bleh. So it's probably stress.

I waited until 8 o'clock this morning and called up Tim...except no one picked up. : So I left a message, hoping that he would call as soon as he woke up, but I'm still here at home so obviously that didn't happen. At the time, though, I remained hopeful. I took a shower, washed my hair with this lovely peppermint shampoo bar that I bought in Florida, and then decided I'd lay down and nap until the phone rang. When I woke up close to 4 o'clock, I realized that no one was going to call me. At least, not early enough for me to get out before Mom came home.

This morning after I called Tim, I was actually feeling cheerful for some reason. I think I was just excited to get out and see my friends again. But now I just feel miserable. I literally locked myself in my room all day, and I thought maybe Mom had gotten the hint because she didn't even say hello or anything when she came home. But then she told me that dinner was ready. I barely ate anything.

I am so weak! I should have just looked at her and asked what went on last night and why she felt she had to be so disrespectful as to sneak someone into the apartment. Instead, I sat there sniffling over my tiny dinner portions, then put my plate in the sink and went right back to my room. Irritatingly enough, I felt even worse because I didn't even thank her for dinner. You'd think I'd have had the decency to do that, at least.

The phone rang once, and I eagerly picked it up, ears straining to hear one of two familiar male voices. Instead, I heard rustling...and then some foreign voice asking for a person that doesn't exist. That didn't improve my mood very much, either.

If I could have just gotten away today, I feel certain that my mood would have been so much more improved! I guess it would have returned to this once I got home again, and I know the only way I'm going to get over this is to just have it out with Mom. But I'm not a confrontational type. I keep wishing she had that ability to see that something was wrong, then deduce that I knew what she did last night. It's unfair of me to be like that, though. She's not a mind-reader, and maybe she doesn't think she did anything wrong (though come on: if she had to SNEAK the man in, she obviously knew she was doing something dishonest).

It's half tempting to try calling the guys again...though with it being so late now, I'd feel stupid to ask them to come get me. I don't even know how I'd bring it up, really..."Hi, I'm upset and I was hoping you could drive 45 minutes to come get me so I don't have to sit here and think miserable thoughts." That would get them up here right away, huh? X_X Maybe I'll just call anyway, though. Even though it would be my third time trying their place...they'll end up thinking I'm obsessed or something, hehehe...

Anyway, my stomach's being mean to me again, so I'm going to go think calming thoughts.