Today's rambling: Happy May!
Written on Thursday, May. 01, 2003 at 11:53 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I have never before tasted air so sweet as Clarion in spring.

Kevin and I went out for a walk last night, and the air was just perfumed with blossoms. Granted, it was a less-than-pleasant down the Scented Avenue (as I've dubbed it), but Liberty Street had such a gorgeous, sweet smell floating on the air. I'm still not sure exactly what flowers were producing it, but it could very well have been lilacs. We have some lilacs around here on campus, and they smell wonderful. It makes me happy to see this kind of beauty. ^_^

Today, unfortunately, has been much too warm for my liking. I think it's probably up in the 80's today. Well okay, after checking I see that it's only 79 (26 C), but that's still too warm for me. All I keep thinking is "Please wait until after May 16 to get really warm!" After that, I won't care how hot it gets because I'll be back home. Where there's air conditioning. ;) Of course, if I get a job that requires me to walk to it, I'll have to walk outside...and if I get stuck at Genuardi's again, I'll be stuck in the bakery with its hot ovens...But I'll try not to think about that. The walking can't be that bad, since I've been doing that all year on campus, right?

My French final exam is tomorrow. Finals week doesn't start 'til the 12th, but we're getting this one done early. Then on Monday, we'll have a little party...and then no more French for the rest of the year. Kinda bittersweet, really. I mean on the one hand, I've been going to this class every day for the past few months. But in addition to that, I've been with most of these people since August! Even though I don't like most of them, I'll still miss them (since I doubt they'll be continuing with French)! Miranda and I are trying to convince John to take Intermediate Conversation with us next semester. Class just wouldn't be the same without him, hehe...

Our "quiz" on The Killer Angels was today. Did I ever read past the second day (of the war)? No. So I'm sure I didn't do nearly as well as I would have had I actually read the whole book. Still, I think I got--at worst--a B. Looking at SparkNotes and such was a help. *giggles*

Okay, it is now 15 minutes 'til midnight, and I need to shower and go to bed. I'm bound and determined to make all 3 classes of Humanities this week, but if I go to bed any later, I won't make tomorrow's class. And that's when we're getting our tests back, so it would be nice to finally see one of them. I missed getting back our last 3. Umm...oops? :-P

Oh well, I got to talk to Geoff for over 3 hours, so I am perfectly content. Yes, for whatever reason, I'm fully back to liking him. Hehe...I was trying to hint at all sorts of stuff tonight, but I'm not so sure it worked.

Maybe he's so backwards because of his sinus problems, which prevent him from smelling pheromones. Goodness knows I must have put out enough of those to drive any other male crazy, right? LOL...I don't know where I come up with this weird stuff.

Aww, now I'm all sad! Amanda was telling me about this sorority thing (shh! It's a secret!), and it made me really really wish I'd stayed for this! Yeah, by this point I would have paid the first half of my new member dues, and so it would be like a waste of money if I left afterward, but by what she was saying I'm sure it would have been one of those things that made me feel more like I belonged! As it was, there were only a few girls who really endeared themselves to me. Their motto is "stay for the good, don't leave for the bad," but I have to keep reminding myself of all the negative things that all but forced me to leave in the first place. It would be one thing if there were only one or two things that got to me, but unfortunately it was the other way around: there were only one or two things that I liked. Sure, I was only with them for like 4 weeks, so I guess that wasn't really enough time to judge...but I was also feeling reluctant toward the whole thing pretty much from the beginning. And as both Kevin and my mother keep telling me, if something feels wrong, you just have to go with that gut instinct.

But now I feel terribly and unjustifiably jealous, because Amanda is having all the fun that I should have had, had I stuck it out and...I dunno, been different, I guess. Kevin teased me about it last night, asking, "So do you feel like I did back when you two first joined the sorority?" To my surprise, that was pretty much exactly how I felt: left out and suddenly ignored. "I don't like feeling this way!" I cried. "It feels so wrong!" I'll get over it--I mean, I'm sure it's probably expected that I'd feel this way--but it's kinda hard to deal with right now. And of course it'll be hard once Amanda gets that jacket and can "wear her letters", which is something that I really wanted to be able to do! But oh well. I chose my path, and now I need to follow it.

At any rate, I'm going to bed. Good night, dear Diary!