Today's rambling: I've run the gamut.
Written on Wednesday, Mar. 19, 2003 at 12:31 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Okay, so one of the diaries I like to read suggested that we do full out civil disobedience as our anti-war protest. Believe me, I don't plan on making every entry about this war, because I honestly want to try not to think of it...not because it's not important, but because I just can't handle the emotional stress. But as far as all of us going out and doing what this diary suggested...what end is that going to achieve? Violence to stop violence to stop violence? Do you see the trend? It has to stop SOMEWHERE. If we were to go out in the streets and protest violently, someone would use violence to stop us.

There's an old saying that goes "violence begets violence." I think that pertains quite well here. I'm not saying that what our country is right, but neither is starting some big-ass riot in America's streets.

But that's enough of that.

I spent my breakfast this morning listening to sorority propaganda. *chuckles* This girl that I always eat breakfast with on MWF is a pledge in one sorority, and they're having an open bid party tonight that she was trying to get me to go to. The only thing that would sell me (from what she said) is that they don't do any sort of hazing and they discourage drinking (or, as she said, if you're going to drink just don't wear your letters). X_X But I dislike this particular sorority, so I wasn't all that interested in taking up her offer to join...despite the fact that she said she knew I'd get in.

I don't know. I've been through this argument many a time before, and overall I know that it would be better if I just stayed away from them. I mean, how many times have I made fun of these girls because their brains seem to be about as big as a pea? I'm not saying they're ALL stupid, but all the girls I've come across thus far have been none to bright. One of them--ironically, from the sorority that I'd wanted to join last semester--is in my French class, and every time she opens her mouth I just roll my eyes. I don't know if I've ever met anyone who's so dense. And like I said, I'm sure there must be some intelligent girls there. I just haven't seen any yet. And even if there weren't that many, it doesn't mean I'd have to make myself stupid in order to join, you know?

The fact that I'm waffling so much over this thought is probably a strong sign that I should just stay away. Common sense tells me that I'd be better off without it, but at the same time I want to try and experience as much of all this as possible. Joining a sorority doesn't mean I have to drink myself stupid, and if I happened to at least I have the intelligence to learn from my mistakes (believe me, one mess-up would be all it took for me to know NEVER to do it again).

This is going to sound SO dorky and egghead-ish, but part of the reason why I want to try it is as some sort of experiment. This is why I should wait 'til my senior year or something, but I want to find out if this is the sort of thing that could bring me out of my shell. Despite being more open than I used to be, I'm still painfully awkward in social situations. I'm afraid of acting stupid or doing anything that would attract attention to myself. By doing this, and actually being forced into social situations, I wonder if it would make me open up more. I don't believe it would in any way make me lose my sense of self, because that is one part that has always been very strong. Neither do I feel that my morals or values would be compromised, since I've proven myself to be very stubbornly protective on that front. But if I could just bring out my zanier, more random side a bit more, I'd be happy with that.

Like I said, I don't know. I'm not asking for opinions or judgments here; this is just something I'll be working out for myself. And if I decide to go for it, I'll go for it. The bid meetings ought to be enough to decide me, without contracting myself to years of regret. :P

Jumping to yet another subject...Geoff and Tim definitely got my silly apology letter by now. I'm wondering how it was received, heh...With my luck, they probably sat there and rolled their eyes as they read it. I've tried calling for the past two nights, but the first night no one picked up (or no one was home, whatever) and last night, it just kept ringing (so I guess someone was online).

I want to buy those T-shirt decal thingies that you can put in your printer so that I can make some cool designs. I've got an idea for either a T-shirt or a hoodie sweatshirt (haven't decided which yet), but I don't have any of those decals so it doesn't really matter. :-P Oooo...Mom's coming up this weekend for my Phi Eta Sigma induction, so maybe I'll get her to drive me out to Walmart. Beats trying to catch the Satan Bus!

Yesterday afternoon I received a phone call from the Communication department. I was all nervous, knowing that it was about the scholarship applications I'd turned in, and I thought they were calling me to say "Sorry, we didn't choose you." But instead, they told me that interviews are being held this Friday from 3-5 and what time would I be available for...! I was so thrilled! I mean, maybe they just didn't get many applicants, but I never expected to even make it as far as the interview stage, lol! Neither of the scholarships are worth very much, but as I keep saying to everyone "some money is better than none!" I just hope I can get one of them. That would help out so much!

Before last night, Amanda was not a fan of Monty Python. After watching "The Holy Grail," however, I think she's a very firm fan. :-P Granted, neither of us have really seen much of their stuff (other than those two movies, I've only ever watched two episodes of their show), but oh well, hehe! The first time I watched "The Holy Grail" I wasn't terribly amused by it, but last night it seemed like all I was doing was laughing. There were things I noticed this time around that I hadn't noticed during the first viewing, and it was more fun watching it with someone else anyway. *giggles*

And I'm sure none of them were in this business so that girls could be like, "Ooo", but I can't help it: Michael Palin was just cute. ^^;

Anyway, I have to get my things together for French class. I'm so glad we're only there for 50 minutes today instead of an hour and 15 minutes, because I don't feel like sitting there that long! X_X