Today's rambling: Hostility
Written on Saturday, Mar. 15, 2003 at 9:21 p.m.
while feeling a bit

It was...somewhere in the 2 o'clock hour, I believe, when my phone rang. Thinking it would be Mom, I only turned the radio down a little bit instead of outright turning it off before I answered. After my 'hello', however, I didn't hear anything. At first. I had to turn down my radio a little bit more to hear that whoever was on the other line was playing some kind of music over the phone. The tune sounded VERY vaguely familiar, and I thought for a minute that it might have been Pam pranking me. Whoever it was, I decided, they'd call back if they actually wanted to talk to me. And so after listening for maybe 45 seconds or whatever, I hung up. Nobody called back for at least a minute, so I thought it was just some random college student finding numbers and pranking them. But then a couple of minutes later, the phone rang again.

"Are you retarded?"

It was Geoff.

Realizing at that second that it had been HIM who'd just called, I giggled and said yeah. I forget what he said after that, but then he asked if I was like my mom (in that I hang up on people, heh). I agreed again, and then he asked if I'd heard ANY of the song he'd played a few minutes ago. When I said no, he grumbled about having to cue it up again and this time I had to actually LISTEN.

"I would have the first time if I'd known who it was!" I told him.

Well. This entire time he'd been rather hostile toward me, and I wasn't quite sure why. After I told him that last bit, however, he just got really...not outright mean exactly, but still rather hostile! And for absolutely no reason! I mean, he was quite close to actually insulting me--maybe he did, considering he asked yet again if I was retarded! I don't remember exactly what he said in response to me, but it just made me want to hang up on him again.

As it turned out, the song was just the theme from this silly kid show that he used to watch when he was little (we'd been talking about old shows during my week-long break). Right after he finished playing it, he said he had to go call his brother. I hurriedly asked whether he'd gotten in a request to drive me home or whatever, but he said he hadn't seen EJ so no, he hadn't gotten it in yet. I suspect he probably won't ask, considering you don't have to actually SEE the manager in order to request off (a simple note does wonders).

And then as the final note on which to end this "conversation", he said bye and didn't even give me enough time to say "have a nice day! Bye!" before hanging up on me.

This sort of attitude was so completely uncharacteristic of him that I was seriously tempted to blurt out, "Are you inebriated?" (I like that word better than 'drunk' for some reason, heh.) But I didn't. That probably would have made things worse. At any rate, that's been bothering me all day, even though I know it shouldn't have. When I talked to Mom about it, she pointed out that he was obviously thinking about me...that is, the show was playing on TV for whatever reason and the first person he thought of was me. Then, strangely enough, she remarked "Maybe he was drunk. Ernie said that he'd been planning to party this weekend since he had off." In other words, he'd been planning on drinking. Therefore, my hypothesis--that his somewhat hostile manner was due to alcohol--could very well have been correct.

That disturbs me, too. I mean, I've seen him drunk before and he was very pleasant, so I'm hoping that he doesn't ALWAYS turn into...well, what he was today. I also know that I'm not overreacting, because I'm quite used to him teasing me. It would be one thing if I was always oversensitive to his teasing, and so every time it happened I thought he was being mean to me. No, this was definitely NOT his usual self.

Augh! I've taken up all this space talking about this incident, so you'd think I'd feel better about it! Yet I'm still really bothered over it! The worst of it is, I don't know WHY I'm letting it affect me so much. Maybe it's just because I'm in that "I miss him!" sort of mood and so that was definitely not what I wanted to hear from him...I also feel kinda idiotic, since that apology letter I sent out might have arrived today. Or it might not get there 'til Monday. But if he got it today, I'm sure he probably didn't read it with any seriousness at all. So I'll feel like a great big retard.

Anyway, I'm going to try not to think about that. Today was absolutely gorgeous. It was around 60 degrees (the PERFECT temperature, as I've discovered), bright and sunny, and the air had this deliciously fresh, damp smell to it. I was sitting in my room gazing out the window and listening to Eric's radio show (which is all Oldies), and I was feeling sooo peaceful. The perfect "Perfect Day" music would have to be Oldies. For a day like today, you just need to listen to something that's laid-back and happy like that.

I got Monday's show programmed. It was pretty simple! I had a little trouble while looking at the music charts and such, but after that it was smooth sailing. I think I will definitely be able to do this job next year.

GAH! Too many people are talking to me at one time! I swear this only happens when I'm actually DOING something. If I'm bored and wishing I could talk to people, it's an Internet ghost town. So at any rate, I'm plotting with Jam and Quiggley, so I must go now.