Today's rambling: Never ask me again.
Written on Tuesday, Mar. 04, 2003 at 9:09 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Oh. My. Goodness. I am NEVER doing that again.

Mom asked me yesterday afternoon if I would go in to work with her overnight and help her and Lynn put out the HBC load. My initial reaction was "Hell, no!" but, being the perfectly evil and insidious woman that she is, my mother said, "You'll get to see your man!" She even used that tone of voice that one uses when baiting. You know, as with a small child: "If you clean your room, you'll get a big slice of ca-ake!" And as if that simple lure was not enough to rope me in, she added a big hunk o' guilt to it as well. "With three of us working on it, we'll be able to get out earlier!" Oh sure, it seems harmless enough, but given the fact that my conscience is overactive, saying no would have made me feel like a wretch.

Oh, the evilness of that woman is not to be underestimated.

A little after 8 o'clock, as I was putting up my hair and asking myself what kind of crack I was on to be agreeing to something like this, the phone rang. And it was Geoff, saying that at that point, it looked like Friday would be the day we went to see The Moody Blues. On the down side, Tim will be coming along. Not that I have ANYTHING against Tim, as you well know dear Diary. I love Tim to pieces. I was just hoping to have Geoff to myself while he was tipsy and vulnerable. And NOT because we have to stay there overnight either, because even my hormonally-charged self knows that's just...well, wrong. However, it's a well-known fact that alcohol makes one more apt to say things they wouldn't normally say. I should know, since that's how I finally got up the courage to let him know I like him (even though he already knew). If the Fates had been kind, I could use this experience to drag the truth out of him. But unless we ply Tim with vast amounts of alcohol, I won't be able to ask a thing because who wants a witness? Especially if the plan backfired and I was humiliated... X_X

But now I'm just veering off track. I went to work with Mom, as you might have already guessed, and I was doing really well for most of the night. It was actually really nice working at night, because there were no customers, we could all be as loud and as wacky as we wanted to be...and we could take as many breaks as we wanted to. :P But around 3:30 or so, I finally started feeling tired. And as it turned out, we had to stay 'til 6 anyway, despite Mom implying that we'd be able to get out of work early! Evil, evil woman. We had to help Lynn load some tables and chairs onto her truck, so by the time we left it was after 7 and I was getting a headache from sleep deprivation. I don't know how people can do it. Even though I used to stay up 'til those hours, I was always perched in front of a computer, which has been proven to stimulate brain cells enough that you don't feel tired. Even back then, if I'd tried to work night shifts, I would have collapsed.

And it was all a volunteer job. The only payment I got out of the whole thing was getting to see Geoff! A few glimpes and snatches of conversation, that was all. He did go on break with us one time, though, but that was uneventful because what can you talk about when your mother and another employee are sitting at the table across from yours? I got to talk to him later by the baler though, hehe..."Forever Afternoon (Tuesday?)" came on the store radio, and Geoff was like, "In another...5 days..." I can't wait for this concert!!! :D

At one point I reached over with both hands and rubbed either side of his face, remarking on the fact that he was getting that stubble look again. He doesn't shave very often when he works night crew, but those first few nights, when it's just a light coating of these pale red-gold hairs...it's enough to inspire dirrty (as Lola would say) thoughts! :P Sometimes when you go anywhere near his face he flinches, as though expecting you to slap him or something. But this time I think he actually leaned slightly inward, which of course was pleasant. ;)

Later on, he walked through the aisle that Mom and I were in, and Mom stopped him long enough to get him to smell this...what's it called, Axe or something like that? One of those body colognes. She sprayed it in the air, and I have to admit that it smelled good--you know how I am with scents, lol--but then she sprayed it on him, forgetting that he has allergies to things. Thankfully he didn't react to that, but he didn't enjoy the smell, either. :P The funny part of it (for me) was, as much as I thought that stuff smelled good, I was all irritated that it had covered up his smell (and I know that sounds weird, hehe, but it's the only way I could think of to put it). Geoff just has this fresh, clean smell, the kind where you want to bury your nose in his clothing and just inhale. You can't get tired of that smell. But this Axe stuff, as exotic it was, could get very tiring after awhile. So I was put out about that, hehe...And I can't believe I spent an entire paragraph talking about different scents. >_<

The last I really got to see of him was as he was leaving. He was about to just say goodbye and slip out the door, but of course I practically pounced on him and asked for a hug. And that was it. I had to spend another hour standing around wishing I was home in bed. And then after we'd started driving, Mom wanted to know if I wanted to go out to this little restaurant for breakfast! She assured that we'd be in and out in like 45 minutes, but as much as an omelette and pancakes appealed to me I had to refuse. "I'll be asleep in 45 minutes," I retorted. And so we got fast food, came home, and I slept until 5:30. : I haven't done that in quite some time! And I'm still tired! That's just not right.

As for the whole Geoff situation, I'm in a state of frustration again. I know the feelings are there. I know they are! And there are times (especially after certain phone conversations or whatever) where I think, "It's not going to be long now at all. In fact, the next time I SEE him things might take a huge change!" But thus far, it's been mostly the same as always. Of course, there's more affection now than there used to be...and I hesitate to use the word 'affection', but that's the only real way to describe it. Despite that, though, there have only been tiny little changes, and those seem to be happening quite slowly. I'm proud of myself for having been patient, not blurting out my feelings as soon as I'd once wanted to (only because he can be so awkward about these things that I probably would have scared him off)...but I'm starting to feel those same surges of impatience again, and it's making me rather unhappy! And I know I should be saving these thoughts for my paper diary, but...augh. I'm just so anxious and frustrated. I've never actually felt like this about anyone before, and I guess I don't know how to handle it.

But at any rate, that's that. I think Geoff's decided that now Saturday would be the better day to see the Moodies (they're going to be there Friday and Saturday), so I'm all excited about that. Even though Tim's going, that doesn't mean things will be "ruined". I'll probably have more fun with the two of them than I would have had otherwise! That's how things usually turn out, anyway. At the very least, I'll be entertained by his laugh! Tim has the sort of laugh that just sends me into a fit of giggles every time I hear it. So a good time is most definitely in store for me...I just have to keep an open mind!