Today's rambling: Shut up already!
Written on Friday, Jan. 31, 2003 at 7:20 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Alright. I'm right at the end of my Lauren-tolerance level. She spent dinner making random comments about Josh--who, may I remind you, never had any sort of relationship with her--and so finally I just started making fun of him. Said he was ugly as a goat's rear end, and Amanda was cracking up. She added a little bit to it, but of course she has to be somewhat more diplomatic since she has to live with Lauren. What I wanted to say to Lauren was "Would you just get the over this stupid act of yours already? For flip's sake, the only thing you two did was make out with each other once or twice!"

Am I missing something in all this? They'd only known each other for like a week TOPS. Not enough time to really get attached to anyone...I mean, I wouldn't have even been that upset if Geoff had been transferred or something after I only knew him for a week! Now, if Lauren had been led on for a month or more by Josh, then I could understand her being somewhat upset. But she's acting as though they'd been in a relationship for ages and he just now did this terrible thing to her. And the worst of it is...not only WAS there no friggin' relationship, but her act is so TRANSPARENT! I can't take it anymore! I'd rather hear Amanda go on about Sean Bean and that Richard Sharpe guy than listen to Lauren's pissy, whining comments! She only does it for attention, which is why I kept making fun of him. At one point I think she really did get angry, and said something about "I don't make fun of YOUR guys!"

The first thing that popped into my head as I just wrote that was "You didn't even HAVE a guy to begin with!" But when it had first happened I was just waiting for her to say something about Geoff. I would have pounded into her then. She'd know exactly how transparent and fake and annoying I think she is. And sure, then I'd be out a friend, but at times like these it's increasingly harder to think of her as a friend. I wish I could just hang out with Amanda and Kevin all the time...though Amanda gets to me sometimes with her comments about how fat she is. It would be one thing if she WAS fat, but she's not. And I'm sick of hearing it, not because of HER, really, but because I wish I could get it through to her that she looks very nice! At least with her, though, she really believes it. And I'd rather hear it from someone who actually believed it than from some shallow airhead who was like one of the girls from Never Been Kissed: "That's it. Just water and Ex-Lax 'til prom." *rolls eyes* Spare me.

I wish I had more guy friends. I think the thing that makes me so happy being around the guys at work is that they don't pretend to be something they're not, and they're not catty like most women. I'm pretty much excluding guys who are still in college, because most of the pretty boys I've seen here are just as superficial as the girls. There are a few good ones, such as Kevin, but not many. So maybe I should correct my first statement to something more like "I wish I had more mature guy friends."

I'm glad to have the girl friends that I do. Y'know, like the levelheaded ones (such as Jam) who don't spend all day gushing about guys and being snide and mean. And yes, I know I'm not perfect: I've indulged in catty behavior more than once. The difference is, I'm not exactly proud of those moments and I try not to do it very often. Usually it happens when I get angry about something, though even that's not a valid excuse. But I'd rather surround myself with mature people, because that keeps me from becoming something I dislike. (And sure, I like talking about a cute guy every now and again, but it gets boring after awhile, hehe)

At dinner tonight, Lauren was like, "Oh my god. There's this really hot guy back there, who's sitting with his parents....and he's a football player." As if she has this tragic habit of falling in love with football players. 'Cause you see, Josh was once a football player. That's why she decided to announce that to Amanda and me.

You know what? I've just had an epiphany. I'm not even going to go as far as make fun of Josh when she brings him up. Whenever she starts being melodramatic, I'm just not going to say anything. Maybe if she gets the hint that she'll be ignored when she talks about that, she'll stop. I think I'd have to tell Amanda about it too, though, 'cause if she gets any feedback then it won't matter if I ignore her.

Anyway, writing all that has helped me a little. For the night, anyway. I think I'm going to completely avoid her for the weekend. Amanda's going home tomorrow, Kevin left today, so it's not as if I have any friends around to hang with. I really do need to find more friends. It's just that the people I've met thus far are more "Yay, I've got a friend in class" sort of people. I don't really want to hang out with Jess outside of class...not because I dislike her completely, but because I don't much care for HER friends. And the only real interest we share is Communication. She's into goth stuff, and I'm quite anti-goth.

Then there's Amber and Kristin. I don't mind hanging out with them every now and again, but their interests are different from mine too. They're more the types that like to sit around and watch TV..and if they go out, they like to party or whatever...not a LOT, but more than I enjoy. So they're not close friends that I would want to hang out with on a regular basis. Kevin, Lauren, and Amanda are the only ones I really like spending time with...and I'm even getting tired of being over in their room all the time!

The fact of it is, I'm just a solitary person. I can't be with people for extended periods of time, even though a part of me wishes I could be like that. It's no fun sitting here in my room every day looking at the same Internet sites over and over again. Occasionally I have Laura and Janette to talk to (and even more rarely, Lindsey), but it's not as much fun as if we could all hang out and do something! If I had more confidence, I'd just go out and do things on my own, which would solve the boredom thing AND probably find me some new friends. I seem to KNOW a lot of people, I'm just not friends with them all. Wonder if there's something wrong with me... :P

I fell on the stairs tonight. Lauren, Amanda, and I were walking down through the student center as a shortcut, and my foot slid on one of the stairs. Down I crashed, hard, onto the steps. My hand had still been gripping the railing, so that caused temporary pain (actually, it still aches a bit), and of course my bum hurt. This guy had been walking past when it happened, and he just stopped and said "Are you alright?" He sounded so serious that it almost worried ME, hehe! He said a few other little things, and then finally something teasing about how I should call up Johnny Cochran and sue. "You broke your tailbone!" he said, and I laughed. The sort of neat part about it was that he looked like one of those thug types you see out on city streets. I mean, seriously. The sort you'd probably want to walk quickly away from if you happened to see him on a darkened street. So to have him be so nice like that was quite a pleasant surprise. I hate to admit to going for stereotypes like that, but most stereotypes begin for a reason. At any rate, I'm not against being proven wrong, hehe ;)

Slept for around two and a half hours today, and I'm still feeling really tired right now. At least the headache went away, though. I think I've run out of things to talk about, so I'll stop writing now. Makes sense, eh?