Today's rambling: Dreams
Written on Monday, Jan. 20, 2003 at 5:50 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I had this dream last night that had me all warm and fuzzy feeling. And it was the simplest thing, really. I was at some kind of speech or presentation or something, and Geoff was sitting to my left. I think Mom was sitting to his right, but she didn't say anything so she doesn't really count. :P Anyway, I seated myself next to Geoff and the next thing I know, his arm goes around my shoulders. I glanced to my right and saw his hand flopped over my shoulder.

Like I said, it was the simplest, most mundane thing in the world. Not like we actually kissed and cuddled or anything. But it meant so much to me because, as you might have guessed, he's never done anything like that before. I can't even fully describe how I felt in that dream...it was just so warm and secure, and I remember kinda brushing my cheek ever so lightly against his arm so he didn't think I was opposed to the gesture.

Then, of course, I woke up later. And just like those dreams where you've got a boyfriend and you're all loving and such in it, I had this extreme sense of longing and emptiness when I woke up and realized that none of that dream had actually happened. I haven't had one of those dreams in ages, and I wish I hadn't had it last night. I feel so stupid for letting myself be affected by a dream, but it was so real! And I've been wishing for Geoff to show some kind of affection for so long, so that's probably another reason why the dream affected me as it did.

Now I really want to talk to him, but as he's working night crew, he's most likely in bed right now. And besides that, what would we really talk about? I just saw him a couple of days ago! Even talking to Tim would be great; I guess I just want to be around them, hehe...

Mom called me when she got home this afternoon, angry and shaken. Driving in western PA during the winter is hazardous anyway because of all the snow, but this one highway in particular is even worse. Lauren swears that the truck drivers purposely try to run you off the road, but I'd thought it was more of her exaggerations. However, Mom was very nearly run off the road several times today. She told me that she couldn't do this anymore, and that I'm going to have to find another college.

Umm...no.

I'm not trying to trivialize what happened to her, because I realize that it was very dangerous and I understand that she's very upset. But at the same time, I know there's got to be a way for me to stay here without her having to drive up to get me all the time. I told her that I'd try to get my license, and she was like, "I'm not going to let YOU drive there, either!"

"Well, it's either me driving or somebody else, and I don't HAVE anyone else," I retorted heatedly. Thankfully, we hung up pretty much right after that, so I didn't say anything I'd come to regret later. I was so upset that I felt like screaming and just...I don't know, hitting something. As much as I'd like to be closer to home so that I could visit my friends more often--or they could visit me--I really like it here at Clarion! My roommate and I get along terrifically, I've got friends, I'm comfortable with the campus...Yeah, I know I was thinking about switching not all that long ago but I've changed my mind!

Anyway, I'm hoping that she'll have calmed down by tomorrow and won't try pressuring me into leaving. Because I won't. Well, I guess I wouldn't really have much choice if she forced me into it, but she'd also be facing a long duration of me not talking to her.

This room is cold. I opened up the heater vent a little more to see if that will help, but my back is all tensed up and I keep shivering every now and then. I wish we could just get it to a NICE temperature in here! It's always either too hot or too cold. It sucks. :P But it's better than summer, when we had both windows opened, both fans going, and it still felt like a sauna. That was crap.

I'm going to go now. I'm eating dinner at 6...Oo, I have "Flex Dollars" now, so I can eat down at the cafe if I wanted to! Kristen and I bought cappucinos down there this afternoon when I went to pick up my books. I felt very special, hehe... :-P 'Course, tonight it's just dining hall food again, but I suppose I should get used to eating that again. *chuckles*