Today's rambling: Time for another rant!
Written on Thursday, Nov. 21, 2002 at 7:43 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Have I ever told you before that Safeway is Satan?

Well yeah, it is.

I was informed by Mom today that I "might not have a job when I come back." When I asked why, she told me that Safeway is no longer taking back college students. Apparently, it costs them too much money.

First of all, I am still technically employed. I never quit, I'm just not being put on the schedule. Second of all, how is it costing these stuffed shirts money to let a few college kids work for a couple of weeks? Wouldn't it cost them more money to hire full-time employees? I'm not saying they shouldn't hire people while the college kids are gone, because not doing so would just be stupid. However, right now Genuardi's needs all the help it can get, and how dare they tell us that we can't come back during vacation!!! What, just because we're getting an education so we can someday actually DO something with our lives instead of wasting it at a stupid grocery store, you're going to tell us we can't come back? Screw you.

I'm in such a foul mood. I don't even know what caused it, but hearing that my job might not be there for me anymore was certainly not helping. Mom's suspected from the beginning that Safeway is trying to get all of the Genuardi's employees out so they can put new Safeway clones in there, and I'm starting to believe her. It makes sense; after all, if they force out everyone who knew how great the store was before they ruined it, then they won't really have any complaints! I wish Safeway had stayed on the west coast where they belong. For some reason, people actually like them out there.

Anyway, not much else is going on. We're looking into selling coupon books as a fundraiser for NBS. Amber says those things actually sell really well, but I can't imagine people buying them. I'd much rather sell candy bars. Everybody loves candy! :P And those who don't are enough of a minority that it's not worth thinking about, hehe...I suggested my "charge admission for the 'Whose Line'-esque show" idea to Bill, and he thought it was good...But I don't know. I'm too tired to think about it.

I ate dinner with Lauren, and I'm not exactly sure why. She lied to me yesterday, she was probably lying to me all throughout dinner tonight...and then when Amanda and Kevin showed up I just didn't feel like dealing with them, either. I was afraid Amanda was going to start babbling about how she has a date for the semi-formal this Friday and other such ultra-girly gushing.

I wish there was some noble reason for me to get irritated with that sort of inane chatter. But the fact of the matter is, I'm jealous. It's not that I even want to go to the dance, since I hate dancing. The kind of dance I'd like to go to is one of those old-fashioned kinds, where you wear these extravagant dresses and do waltzes and things like that. Y'know, dancing where all you have to do is learn steps; you don't have to worry about shaking your ass like some little ho. Hehe...sorry. But seriously, I don't like that kind of dancing. Even slow dancing is nothing more than rocking back and forth as though each person has their feet on opposite sides of a see-saw. There's nothing fun about it. So yeah, I don't want to go.

But I want to want to go. I wish I could dance like everyone else, instead of sitting off on the sidelines thinking what a waste of time the whole affair is. As for the date part of it...Kristen was complaining today about how all her girl friends don't want to go because they don't have a date, and according to her "you don't NEED a date!" She apparently doesn't realize how completely awkward and wretchedly boring it is to be the only single person amongst a bunch of couples. If I had a huge group of single girls to go with, I might be persuaded to go just because it's not like I'd have to worry about them being all over their boyfriends or anything like that. And I wouldn't be left at the table while all the couples went off to do their silly slow-dancing. But she wants me to go with her and her boyfriend, and Kevin and his girlfriend. Um...no? Because I'd be sitting there like some kind of loser trying to ignore all the googly-eyes and sacharine-y cooing. Why do girls do that, anyway? Talking to their boyfriends as if the guys are two-year olds...It's sickening. I need to find a guy who realizes that he's an adult. Someone who's mostly independent.

Or maybe I just won't have anyone at all. Has it really been so terrible being by myself all this time? I keep hearing girls talk about how they're marrying their boyfriends after college, and I want to be ill. Yes, technically everyone here is an adult now, and it's perfectly normal to get married around 20 or 21...I just feel like everyone here is so cloistered (since most of 'em went straight into college high school), and they don't know any other guy except their boyfriend. Granted, you don't have to date tons of guys to know that so-and-so is The One, but on the other hand how do you KNOW he is if you haven't had real experience with other guys? Maybe it's just my 'real life' experience between high school and college that has given me this insight. I don't know. And you don't have to agree with me, either; this is just a place for me to rant. It's not that I don't ever want to be married, of course. But for the most part, I'd probably be better off on my own. It would suck once all of my friends got married, because of course their families would come first (which is as it should be)...but I could find myself a cute little loft apartment or something and live a romantically whirlwind-esque single life. Without a family to tie me down, I could live out all my dreams. Once I got married, I'd have to settle down and kind of forget about most of the stuff I'd like to do...which is another reason why I think it's odd for people to get married straight out of college. But I guess some people are born to be domestic. *shrugs* 'Swhat makes the world go 'round!

Anyway, back to the dance thing. I can't really pinpoint WHY I get jealous when Amanda talks about it. Maybe part of it's because she was one of my single friends and now she's sorta not. She's attracted to this guy that Kevin paired her up with (heck, she's the one who asked him to do the pairing), so if all goes as I know she wants it to, they'll probably end up dating. Maybe another part of it is that Amanda's pretty and slender and will no doubt look great in any dress she wears. I, on the other hand, am dumpy and average looking and can't wear the dresses that are in style because they're all sewn with straight lines that would pull unattractively over my little belly. :P Everything from my waist up is wonderful, I think...it's just from the waist down that looks so wretched. And what absolutely PISSES ME OFF is how Amanda's always obsessing over how "fat" she is. True, she's not as thin as style requires the fashionable girls to be. However, her curves are attractive (and I'm not saying that in a perverted sort of way). I wouldn't mind looking like her at all. Yet every time she goes into the dining hall and eats, she's all like, "I'm fat, I have to go to the Rec Center now and work all this off!" I will not allow her to say that around me anymore. Not only is it completely untrue about her, but on a superficial level it doesn't exactly make ME feel good. If she's fat, and she's skinnier than I am, then I must be a whale. So it doesn't do either of ourselves any good to hear her whining about how "fat" she is.

All of this writing is supposed to be putting me in a better mood, but it's not. I feel like going home right now and starting vacation early. It's probably just that I'm so tired. I always get despondent when I'm this tired. Not even Hogwarts, my usual stress-reliever, could help me today because one of the girls there really irritated me! Well, to be honest she's been irritating me for awhile, but I guess today I was just less tolerant than usual. :P

Looking on the bright side, tomorrow we're supposed to have snow showers! Sure, it's an inch or less of accumulation, but it's gotta be better than all this gloomy rain we've been having. I understand now why people in this area get major depression during the winter: yesterday was the first time I saw the sun in at LEAST a week or two. And then today it was cloudy and rainy again.

Aaaaand, we just had a fire drill. That was an experience. Anyway, I'm off to find something to do now.