Today's rambling: Just end it now, 'kay?
Written on Tuesday, Nov. 12, 2002 at 8:26 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Almost 8:30 at night, second draft is due tomorrow at 3, and I still have not even begun to work on it. I'm frozen. I have never been so completely incapacitated by an assignment before, and it terrifies me. I am going to fail this course, and I'm going to have to take it over again. I can't do all this over again! The thought of having to makes me want to pack up all my belongings and drop out right now. I don't need this stupid amount of stress!

I'm having a panic attack. That's the only explanation for the way I'm feeling right now. My heart's pounding, my stomach's all tied in knots, and I want to throw myself down on my bed and just cry and cry and cry. All because of one RIDICULOUSLY stupid class. And it's not even as if I'll be in the clear after this essay is written, because I have yet ANOTHER one to crank out pretty much immediately after this one is finished! How am I supposed to do this? I'm burnt out! There is nothing left in me to finish these papers! I can't STAND it any longer!!!

I will walk out of that class tomorrow. If this doesn't let up (and it won't), I will just get up and run. I don't care. It's not like that will make my grade any worse that what it'll be after I don't hand this paper in.

I'm getting carpel tunnel in my left wrist. Damn, life sucks right now.