Today's rambling: Stress sucks!
Written on Monday, Nov. 11, 2002 at 11:00 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Stress is an ugly thing. It makes certain people *coughLIKEMEcough* become overly emotional and easily moved to tears.

Oh, and did I mention that I was blessed with stomach spasms? So what would be normal nervous flutterings for most people can turn into stomach-wrenching, doubled-over-in-pain sorts of feelings for me. When I was little I used to burst into tears just from the pain of being nervous, but thankfully now it takes a great deal of nervousness to get me bad enough that I want to cry in pain.

Today happened to be one of those times. And it was all thanks to Writing class.

The class didn't actually start until about 20 minutes after 3, because we had to do a course evaluation thingy. When the professor finally came in and started things, she told us to write our thesis sentences down on a sheet of notebook paper. Each row sent back one sheet, and everyone in that row had to write down their sentences on it. When it came to me, I deliberated briefly on whether I should just put down a question mark, or if I should just slap any old thing down. In the end, I opted to just scribble something.

The rest of class was spent in absolute misery. All I could think about was that there was no way I'd ever be able to write this paper, and consequently I really didn't pay much attention to what was going on. Toward the end of class, she came around to each of the students and said whether she thought their thesis sentence was fine or if they needed to work on it. It was no surprise to me when she came up beside me and said, "Yours needs some work."

"It's crap, I know," I muttered, feeling totally dejected.

"No, it's not crap," the professor replied, "it just needs a little more to it."

When she finally walked away, my eyes began to tear up. From beside me, Miranda (who was told her thesis was fine) said, "I'm going to cry."

"I am crying," I retorted. At that moment, Kevin looked back at me and asked if I was alright. Maybe it would have been better if I'd lied and said yeah, but instead I shook my head...and then my face scrunched up and I started crying. Embarrassed at myself, I flopped my head down on my arms and attempted a laugh, which came out as a high-pitched squeak.

From beside me, Josh said (quite loudly, as he has no concept of volume control), "Amber, are you crying?" Kevin hissed at him to shut up, and then Josh was like, "Why is everyone so upset today?"

Sometimes, I really cannot stand that boy.

Anyway, I felt Kevin move his satchel away from my feet, and I thought he was getting up to leave. A moment later, however, he tapped my arm. When I peered up a tiny bit, I saw that he was handing me a tissue. *giggles* It reminded me of 'the old days' when gentlemen used to hand ladies their handkerchiefs. :P At any rate, the sentiment was welcome and I made use of the tissue, hehe...On the way out of the classroom, he threw an arm around my shoulder and kinda hugged me against him. I laughed and leaned my head down on his shoulder momentarily...then wished amusedly that he was taller so I didn't have to strain myself to do it. ;) I appreciated it, though. He said he always has tissues on hand now because his girlfriend is the highly emotional type. :P

So yeah, that was my day. Lovely, eh? I went down to CVS afterward and bought myself a new toothbrush and some Glade spray stuff so that if stinky people come in again, I can cover up the odor. ;) Buying things always makes me happy, hehehehe....