Today's rambling: Seasons may change, winter to spring...
Written on Wednesday, Oct. 09, 2002 at 8:11 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I cannot stand Josh, and I really wish he'd just like stop hanging out with us or something. :P I've been discovering that he's actually very rude...though the thing is, he doesn't seem to REALIZE that he's being a jerk. Like, the other night he was making fun of some girl's ID, but I guess he didn't realize it was a recent picture of her or something...anyway, she wasn't too happy with him. And he's always making these stupid remarks, like during "The Patriot" he'll be like, "Y'all go on off with Aunt Jemima!" which is ignorant and annoying. And today was "Coming Out Day"...The Allies club cleverly decided that anyone who wanted to support homosexuals should wear jeans (and c'mon, like half the student population wears jeans, so that was just being sneaky). Anyway, yesterday evening Josh was like, "Don't forget to not wear jeans tomorrow!"

Jerk. I'm not pretending that I'm not without my own biases, but...urgh! You just don't SAY those things!

Today, Lauren and Amanda and I decided we wanted to walk down to Main Street to see the Autumn Leaf Festival. We'd decided it before Josh came around, so when Lauren asked if we wanted to go, Josh was like, "Where are you going?"

None of us answered him. He asked multiple times, and we either neglected to acknowledge him or we just said something inane like "Your mom" (when he asked what we were doing). :P I realize that's not exactly the mature way to deal with a nuisance, but when did I ever claim to be mature? Ha ha... X_X

I bought Ace of Base's first CD while at the Autumn Leaf festivities today. I used to own the album on cassette (back when it first came out), but years ago I'd lost it. Some would say that's a good thing, since I'll readily admit their music isn't all that great. Maybe it's the memories associated with it, or just the fact that I like dorky music, but I decided that for $4, I could stand to buy the CD. And so that's what I'm listening to now. *giggles* It definitely brings back memories...

Ugh. Want to know how STUPID I am?? Mom wanted me to bring a copy of my promo down with me so that she could hear it, but I had to turn in my tape tonight to be graded. Pam's roommate has a stereo with two tape decks, so I went over there to try and record it. However, I have NO idea how one operates that stereo (I mean, seriously, the buttons were all over the place)..so I TAPED OVER PART OF MY PROMO BY ACCIDENT. You cannot imagine how devastated I was. It took me two hours to get that thing done, and for all I know it's been deleted off the computer, so I can't even get another copy! I had wanted a copy to keep, just out of silly sentimentality, and besides that, I didn't even know if Larry would accept the promo now! Granted, some of the intro music was preserved, thankfully, and none of the talking was taped over, but it still really bothers me. I have to stop thinking about it.

The Autumn Leaf Festival was definitely not anything worth the hype. This town is so small that I guess something like this is worth going to, but even Community Dayz back home is better. All I saw were lots of food vendors, one or two carnival games, and a few rides (which weren't even fun rides). With all the buildup this event receives, you'd think there'd be more to it. Community Dayz is fun because it has a huge fireworks display at the end. But then again, that takes place during the summer, and this is obviously an autumn thing. Still, I was disappointed.

I love October. Just the name brings to mind scenes of golden leaves; bright, clear blue skies; and crisp, cold autumn air. I love the beginning of autumn; even the word itself has beautiful imagery. After all the leaves have fallen and they've turned brown and icky, then I start to get bored with the season. But then winter comes, and I always look forward to the first snow. I love the start of every season except summer. Nothing changes in summer, except that it gets really hot and I don't like heat. It's like a hotter continuation of spring, after all the new leaves have come out and turned a duller green. Oo, when spring first begins, and the leaves are a bright, brilliant green...That's gorgeous, too. But summer brings no changes for me.

Lauren and Amanda are going to call me after Kevin, Kim, and Bethany have left. The latter two girls went to high school with Kevin, and they're very cliquey and snobbish. Lauren and Amanda aren't exactly sure how those two got invited to THEIR room, and Amanda remarked that "Even though it's our room, they'll ignore us." Because they do. For whatever reason, as soon as Kevin and those two girls get together, it's like no one else exists. They never pay attention to me whether they're with Kevin or not, though, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Kevin put me a little ill at ease today, which is horrible to say. For whatever reason, it felt kind of like he was trying to flirt or something, and it made me feel really uncomfortable. Yes, at the beginning of the year I thought he was really attractive, and I still do. But I'm just not interested in him like that. To be honest, I know he's not interested in ME like that, either, but he likes to flirt. And I guess since he's been around Lauren and Amanda so much (what with them all living in the same hall) that he doesn't really feel the need to flirt with them anymore. I'm hoping that I was completely wrong and he wasn't flirting with me at all today. So that's another part of the reason why I didn't want to be over in Lauren and Amanda's room while they were all there watching a movie. Thankfully they both seemed to understand (though they think it's all because I don't like Kim and Bethany, as opposed to partly being about Kevin).

I tend to put crushes in two categories: the kind where you'd like nothing more than to date the other person; and the kind where if he/she started showing any reciprocation of interest, it would immediately scare you off. Most of my crushes have been the latter type, where it's not a really deep interest but more of a superficial one. I thought, when I first started having a crush on Geoff, that it was the latter type of crush. If he ever showed any interest in me, I thought, I'd back off immediately and feel really awkward around him...to the point where I'd probably start trying to avoid him. But as I'm sure you all know by now, it progressed beyond that point. That hasn't happened too many times before.

Anyway, I guess that's about it. Mom is supposed to call me back at some point, too, and I left a second message on Geoff/Tim's answering machine tonight! Honestly, why have a phone at all if you never answer it? Tim admitted to me that half the time, they just let the answering machine pick up their call. What's the point? Especially when it sometimes takes a couple days for them to even check the machine? I thought my habits were as bad as a bachelor's, but I am glad to say that I was sorely mistaken. :P They are the very epitome of a stereotypical bachelor.

Oo, happiness! "The X-Files" is on! Oh. Wait a second. This is one of the shows from the crappy season after Mulder left. I don't know which one of the crappy seasons, but just the fact that Dogget (or whatever his name is) is there...*shudder* I did honestly give the first season with him a chance, but it's just not the same without Mulder. Mulder re-opened the X-Files, so without him in it, it's just stupid! At least they ended the show before it became too terribly pathetic. At any rate, I guess I'll go watch that now.