Today's rambling: Depressing stuff
Written on Saturday, Oct. 05, 2002 at 9:59 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I slept until almost 2 in the afternoon today. Quite unusual for me, seeing as Kristen didn't go home this weekend and was in the room most of the time...and I'm usually very uncomfortable sleeping while other people are in the room (awake). But I was so tired that I guess it just didn't matter to me.

For most of the day, I was feeling really depressed. I went down to the station for a couple of hours with Jess and Pam (Jess's show was from 3-6)...left at about quarter 'til 6 so that I could stop by Chandler for some dinner. Then I talked to Mom, and guess what? I get to go home on the 11th after all! :) It's probably going to be more trouble than it's worth, because Charlie (bleh) is driving up to get me ON the 11th, and then I have to come back home again on the 13th. But I get to go home, so I guess that's the most important thing. :)

Anyway, for whatever reason after that conversation, I really felt like crying. I guess it was just my frustrations about college coming out. Registration for spring semester starts on October 14th, but it goes in shifts (depending on number of credits and last name). So guess when I get to register. November 1st. Basically, that means I'm not going to get ANY of the classes I wanted. None of them. And no one seems to understand why this irritates me so much. The process of going from A's to Z's (in regard to last names) is shit. Why do people still do things that way? It ought to be random, because it's not fair to those of us whose last names fall at the end of the alphabet. All my life I've been stuck at the end, only able to pick up whatever scraps have been left behind just because the system decides that it should be A to Z, instead of going randomly. In elementary school, I remember this one time where the teacher brought in a pi�ata. We were each supposed to have a turn to hit it, and I was so excited to get a chance. But how did the order go? Last names starting with A, and then all the way down to Z. We didn't even make it into the middle of the alphabet before the pi�ata broke.

I am so sick of being last all the time. Hopefully, any of you whose last names also start with a letter at the end of the alphabet will know where I'm coming from. This whole system is outdated and completely unfair. I'm not going to be able to take COMM 140 or 170 now, because they fill up immediately (and there's only 9 seats open in both of them anyway). Both of those classes are prerequisites for every other COMM class I could possibly take, which means that next semester is going to be all general education classes, and most of my FALL semester next year will be too...because I won't be able to take anything higher than 140 or 170!!! I'm going to ask to be given at least one of those permission thingies to enter a closed class. The class sizes are only 25 students anyway, so it's not like I'd be packing the room or anything.

And then there's Writing class. Even the thought of having to write out that stuff makes me want to burst into tears. I hate this class. If I scrape through with a C, I'll be lucky, and I probably won't even get THAT! Why the hell did I have to get stuck with this professor? I will be thankful beyond words when the semester is over. If I have to take the class again, I'll just quit. Screw college. I can find something.

Thankfully, Pam came in and told me that Kim was going to come over and pick us up so I could help them get their promos done. All of that put me in a better mood, because it was nice being able to do something I enjoy (and that I'm not getting graded on)...I will be so glad to just get out of here and get a better job. Radio work would be so much fun. I wish it wasn't so unreliable, though...Like, if the station doesn't do well, then all the DJs are out of work and have to travel who knows how far to find another station willing to hire them. Next year, I'm going to try to get some time in at the TV station. I'd love to do camera work again.

I blocked Frank ages ago from my AIM buddy list because he annoys the hell out of me. I forgot, however, that he talks to Beverly--who is also on my buddy list--and that somehow, if he thought to ask, he could find out through her that I was actually online. Tonight, as I was writing this diary entry (well, the angry part about having a last name that starts with W), Beverly IMed me and said, "frank says hi" or something like that. I told her I didn't want him to know I was online, and she agreed with me that he was irritating, heh...I'm getting a little irritated over the fact that he keeps pressing her about me. He's even been telling Mom that he misses me and whatnot. Actually, he told her once that he can't wait until his 21st birthday because he's going to take me out drinking and then he's going to ask me out.

Ummm....NO.

Ugh. This entry is so depressing. I can't wait for National Depression Screening Day, because I will be going. I'd like to know once and for all if I'm normal, or if I really do need to get help. Considering I've been like this for years, I would wager that it's the latter.

To end on a cheerful note, this is the second or third day I've been able to hang out with Pam for long periods of time without getting even slightly annoyed with her!