Today's rambling: New name
Written on Wednesday, May. 01, 2002 at 10:10 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I think Hannibal might be a she instead of a he.

This is just devastating. How can I go on calling a female fish 'Hannibal'?? I could name her 'Clarice', but that just doesn't have the same meaning! Oh, the tragedy...

Tiff's brother just went off tonight, and I almost got irritated with him until I realized that he wasn't really blowing up at me...he just has 'issues', as he put it. I'm not trying to sound condescending about it. The boy really is going through a lot...even though I don't know all THAT much, I know a little bit. It's just so hard for me to be sympathetic when people take their anger out in the way that he was...well, it's not that I'm not feeling sympathetic, exactly, it's just that when he started like that (typing "NO" when I told him to calm down, things like that), my hackles immediately rose. If people are angry or in bad moods, I feel like a chameleon or something in that I become the same way. I'm moody by nature already, but it only takes one cranky person to make me cranky, too! And when I noticed myself getting irritated with him because he was letting out his anger, I sort of felt bad.

I almost suggested that maybe he talk to someone. HA HA! His reaction, no doubt, would've been the same as mine would've been if someone told me that. But it's true. From what he said, he apparently bottles his anger up the same way I do, waiting until it builds up and finally explodes in a way he never would have wanted it to. I do the same thing. Instead of trying to tell people in a calm and rational manner what makes me irritated, I just suck it up and deal until it gets to the point where I just can't deal anymore...and then I do and say things that I regret and feel embarrassed about later. It could definitely be beneficial to talk to someone.

But I can't. Maybe it's a pride thing. I never thought I really had pride before...at least, not that sort of stubborn pride that kept a person from asking for help when they need it. Yet I find myself unable to ask for help in most cases, usually because I feel like I'm imposing and generally being a nuisance. In the case of talking to someone about my problems...where, I don't know WHY I refuse to do that. :

Hehe..started off talking about someone else's problems, and I ended up talking about mine! Go figure.

I'm starting to wish I'd gotten a different calendar instead of Le Petit Prince. I love the story, but the pictures are so boring! For the duration of May (with the exception of one week, ha ha), I have to stare at Antoine's two pictures of a boa constrictor who has eaten an elephant. It's not very exciting. I wish I had Lola's Hello Kitty calendar.

Ugh, SATs are in just a couple of days now!!!! I'm going to fail miserably, I just know it. Maybe I should be more specific: I'm going to fail the Math part miserably. I'm not really nervous about the Vocabulary part, even though I got a less-than-perfect score. Vocab stuff just comes more easily to me. But if I couldn't even remember math while I was taking it in school, how am I going to remember it now that I've been out for a couple of years? Ahhh, if I could find a way, I'd go back in time and force my past self to take the damn thing while I still had a chance of remembering everything!

I should also probably try to finish that application essay. It's basically done except for the last sentence, but since I can't think of a good last sentence, that's probably a clue that I should just rework the entire ending, period. Blahhhhhh. I don't feel like it. But I've procrastinated for long enough, and I'd like to get the application sent out shortly after I take the SATs (don't ask me why I'm waiting 'til after I've taken them, because I know I don't have to...I'm just anal and I'd rather do it that way).

For now, I think I'll take an hour or so to MUD. I was going to start back around 8 o'clock, but now it's 10:30 and I still haven't gotten that far! :oP 'Procrastination' is my middle name! Heck, it should be my first name! *chuckles* Procrastination...Hey, people name their children things like Charity and Serenity...why not Procrastination, too? :oP