Today's rambling: Who needs you?
Written on Monday, Apr. 22, 2002 at 12:46 a.m.
while feeling a bit

Wow, most of the 15 views I got so far on my Daniel Lapaine website (ha ha, couldn't help linking it again) were from people who read my diary! *giggles* I knew I liked you guys!! ;)

Lessee now, what happened today...Well, as I predicted, I didn't get much sleep. Probably about an hour and a half. When my alarm rang, I was so out of it that I couldn't even figure out how to turn the thing off. I kept hitting various buttons, all to no avail...I even lifted the lid of the CD player in hopes that it would turn the alarm off (maybe because in the bakery, when you open the oven door the alarm goes off?). Finally, I figured it out, and then when I turned the radio on, I was blown back by the volume (as I'd been hitting the Volume button repeatedly in my attempt to turn off the alarm). Overall, a great start to my day.

Had I been working in the bakery itself, I probably would've been really sluggish and zombie-like today, but I was decorating so it kept my brain awake. Showed off my Scooby Doo cake to Frank, because it was the only one I'd done that I was actually proud of, hehe...I made Mare do a cake that consisted of pink roses in the shape of a cross (for someone's communion), and then I wrote on it, but it looked really bad. Heh. Oh well, the guy came to pick it up REALLY really late, so too bad! BWA HA HA!!

On my break (which I didn't get to take until after 12:30), I met up with Leroy. And then Ben came out of the smoking room, so all three of us sat there and talked about absolutely nothing. But it was fun. ;) Leroy wants to get a group of people together for my 21st birthday, and then we'll all go up to Johnny's (did I even spell that right? Brain freeze). Hehehe...wow, all these people wanting to take me out for my birthday! I suppose it's only because I'm turning 21, but I still feel special. ;)

Took my lunch break at 2:40 (which was late, considering I was done work at 3:30), and on my way to the break room I passed Ben. "How would you like it if I took lunch with you?" he asked, grinning.

"Aww, that would be so nice!" I replied. *giggles* I'm so loved!

Erin and her boyfriend, John, came back just a minute or so after me, and then Ben came back and sat at the opposite table. Not that I was expecting us to sit next to each other or anything...I don't like him like THAT! And besides, he's married (well, not that that seems to mean much to anyone these days...). ;) So at any rate, it was fun. "Dopey Dan" (as Ben calls him) came back at one point, and he got us all laughing.

By the time I got back to the bakery, I only had about 20 minutes left to my day. Despite having had to wake up so early, I'd actually had a good day...even though I didn't see Geoff at all! *chuckles* I'm getting sort of tired of waiting for him, hehe...I mean, I know as soon as I see him again I'll be all sighs and wishful thoughts, but it is really starting to frustrate me! "You can't hurry love," as the song goes, but this is just beyond pathetic.

The rest of my thoughts, however, will be reserved for my paper diary. ;)

Alright, so blah blah, the day was good...and then came the time to leave. And guess who Mom showed up with. That's right, my dearest companion, Charlie. I shut my eyes on the way home so he wouldn't get the idea he could talk to me, but that only made me realize how tired I was, so as soon as I got home I took out my contact lenses, put on my pajama bottoms, and fell asleep. Set my alarm for 7 pm so that I wouldn't sleep the entire night, but when it rang, I just shut it off and went back to sleep!

Finally woke up a little before 11, and then of course I was awake. Mom came home shortly after, and she just broke down, which of course made me start crying, so we just sat there in her room for a little while. Heh...I was trying to be all strong and whatever, just letting her get everything out of her system, but I always cry whenever she does. Even if her crying didn't set me off, she was telling me about how there were people looking at the house yesterday, and that would've gotten me blubbering anyway.

Yeesh.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing really well, that I'm strong and all, but then things like this come along and I feel like maybe I was just holding myself together with tape or something, and now I'm falling apart again.

But the good thing is, despite being so upset earlier, I'm still feeling alright. Yes, I'm devastated about the house, but Adrienne's apparently going to try something out to get it back (long story I don't feel like going into), and even if we don't get it back, I still think Mom and I are doing well for ourselves. Even if she doesn't agree with me. I'm not saying we aren't struggling, because we are, but things could be SOOO much worse than they are!

Now, my assignment to all of you: remind me of those last few sentences if you ever see me becoming depressed. ;)