Today's rambling: Some sort of reconciliation...
Written on February 19, 2002 at 8:33 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Ugh, Frank!!

I'd expected us to be duking it out in the middle of the store or something today. Frank had always seemed to be the straightforward type, the sort of guy who, if he had a problem with someone, would come right out and say so. Even the way he called yesterday was an indication of that. Yet today when he came in? Not a word was spoken to me. He went over and chatted with Cathy, then disappeared until his shift started. At one point he was mixing flour and stuff for pizza dough, and we were no more than 7 feet away from each other. But he said nothing...Not that I can clear myself of blame there...I mean, it wasn't as if I was trying to initiate conversation or anything.

More than anything, I was waiting to see what would happen. Was this the way things would be from now on, him ignoring me as if we'd never been friends? I have to admit that for the first couple of hours, I wasn't too upset by his behavior. But as the night wore on, I couldn't help feeling distressed!

Ah, wouldn't it have made the PERFECT scene for a romance novel? Two people who thought they were only friends get into a fight, and as the silence wears on between them, they suddenly realize that they can't live without each other and that they actually love each other...

It didn't happen that way. ;)

I hate how I get all upset over stuff like this, when I'm not really the one who's in the wrong! Not that I'm totally blameless--as I said before, I could have made an effort to say something--but if it hadn't been for him believing those rumors before asking me if they were true, we wouldn't have been in this awkward predicament. Yet it always seems as though I'm the one who crumbles and apologizes first! Not a bad thing, I suppose, it's just aggravating!

At any rate, about an hour or so before the end of my shift, the phone beeps (signaling that someone is calling from another department). I picked it up and said hello, but I didn't hear anything. That's happened before, so I just hung the phone up. Not even a minute later Frank comes over and says, "What, are you hanging up on me now?"

"Huh?" I replied. "I didn't hear anything on the line!"

"I asked if you were going to talk to me," he explained. When I said again that I hadn't heard a thing, he stood there for a moment as if processing my words, then turned and walked away. I'd just like to know when it was suddenly my obligation to talk to him? Oh well, that sounds childish, so I won't continue down that path.

About 5 minutes 'til 7, I was washing something out at the sink and Frank walked over to load something in the dishwasher. "Doesn't that make you want to pee?" he asked over the whoosh of the water. I had to make him repeat himself twice because I couldn't understand him. Then I just kind of looked at him like, "Wha...?"

"You get it?" he asked then, an uncertain smile sort of flickering across his features. "The running water...?"

"Yeah, I get it," I murmured, not quite sure how to react. It had obviously been an attempt on his part to start some kind of conversation, which is cute, but I'm still not quite over what he did, you know? Part of me wants to sit down and discuss this with him, but I know we never will. It'll just end up being forcefully forgotten, and we'll try to go back to the way we were. But it won't ever be like that again. At least, not on my part. I'll be constantly on guard with him, wondering if what I say will somehow throw him into a rage again.

No, it definitely won't be the same sort of easygoing relationship that it once was. Superficially, it'll appear so (and perhaps he'll even believe we ARE back to normal), but I won't be able to let my guard down with him again. That's a sad thought.

Ah well...I ended up calling Geoff last night, and we talked for about 10 or 15 minutes. He pointed out that while Sarah (Frank's girlfriend) may look like she's 24 or something, that's all superficial and she probably still has the mentality of the 15-year old that she is. That was the most serious thing he said during our entire conversation. Does he just not like to talk seriously with people, or is it only around me? I'm too tired to worry about that tonight.

I think that about does it for me this evening. I'm going to get out of my work clothes, take out my contact lenses, snuggle under the covers and read another chapter or two of The Elf Queen of Shannara. Wren's on her way to the shores of Morrowindl now...It's been so long since I read these books that everything is new to me again! I'm dying to know what happens next, LoL!

So I think I'll go do that now.