Today's rambling: Geoff, why are you so confusing?
Written on February 16, 2002 at 9:16 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I am in like the WORST mood. I know, I say that just about every time I'm in a bad mood. But today it just won't go away. I halfway don't even feel like typing everything down here, but it's my diary, so what the heck.

Was already dreading going in to work for the silly reason that Geoff would only be there 'til 11-ish (because he had to cut 5 1/2 hours), and I hate working when he's not there. :oP But last night, Mom had said, "Why don't you invite him up here for dinner on Sunday?" and I thought this was a great idea. Today was my only day to ask, because he has off tomorrow. Blah blah...

Found him in the back freezer shortly after I started work, and after a couple of minutes of idle chatter I finally invited him to dinner. He gets this thoughtful-ish look on his face, then finally says something about having to call and cancel his other plans, and can he let me know a little bit later?

"Well, don't cancel everything," I said. "If you already have plans--"

"No, it's only family stuff," he replied. Yeah, that made me feel SO much better. Heh. He wasn't saying it in a "I feel like I'm being forced into accepting this invitation" sort of way, but you know how paranoid I can get, Diary.

I asked him how much later it was going to be before he got back to me--like, "I'll tell you before I leave" later, or "Give me your phone number so I can call you" later--and he told me that he'd be able to call his brother today so he could get back to me. I don't remember exactly how he said it, but I'd automatically assumed that he meant he would get back to me before he left for the day. So when I went back for my break and saw that he was about to leave (I didn't say anything to him because he was talking to Ben), I was puzzled and a bit upset. Why is it that he only comes around when I ask him for help, not when I'm actually inviting him to do something?

Hmm...I never put my confusion into those particular words before, but that last question actually says a lot...

Anyway, I was moping for the rest of the day, not really talking to anyone. Bonnie asked if she could go on lunch with me whenever I went, and I didn't have the heart to tell her I wanted to be by myself because she's such a nice woman. So after I'd finished up what I was doing, I called over to her and then went to clock out. Not that it mattered that she came along, because as soon as I got back there I propped my head on my hand and promptly shut my eyes.

Bonnie and Kay talked away, thankfully not trying to draw me into their conversation. Frank came back at about 2:30 to get his stuff before he left, and as he was leaving, someone came on the loudspeaker...

"Amber, you have a phone call on line one..."

There was no doubt in my mind as to who could be calling. I never get calls at work. The first and last time I'd gotten a personal call was back when Dad and I had that dinner date. So needless to say, my heart jumped. There's a phone in the coat room, which connects to the break room, so I hid myself in there and shut the door.

"It looks like I have to go to my sister's house," Geoff informed me. Sigh.

He could've just said bye after that (well, after a few more words just to be polite), but we kept on talking. To hear us, you would have thought we'd been friends for ages and always called each other on the phone; he would say stuff like, "Listen to this song," and hold the phone up to the television (or maybe he just turned the volume up really loud, I don't know)...Then we'd make a few jokes about said song before veering off onto another subject. He even started talking about the neat pattern the sun made as it shone through the bits of stained glass in his windows...said he'd been thinking about hanging something on the wall in that spot, but now he didn't think he wanted to (I quipped that he could take a picture of the pattern, then hang THAT on his wall). There are very few people that I can be so relaxed with on the phone, and Frank's the only other guy.

Geoff made some self-degrading remark at one point, and I told him to stop it...at which point he shot back, in a mimicking voice, "Stop it!" (something Frank likes to do to me a lot...Mom says it shows he's comfortable with me?) Another first, because while Geoff likes to turn my innocent words into some sort of innuendo, he's never openly teased me like that. So that was sort of funny.

For a lack of anything better to say after a bit, I mentioned that Frank had a date with his 15-year old "girlfriend" (it wasn't official yet as of today). Geoff said something along the lines of "isn't that illegal?" and I said it was. "Not that I can say anything about age differences," I continued, wondering if he'd get the hint, "but she's technically not legal yet!"

I can't even explain the way that he responded. It was a combination of words and tone, but I just got the immediate impression that he knew I was talking about my crush on him and he didn't mind a bit. It was almost as if he thought of us being together as an accepted thing, like he didn't need to verbally acknowledge the fact that we had a relationship (of some sort, anyway)...Like I said, I can't explain it accurately.

By the time he finally let me get back to work (giving a very low and attractive "bye", ha ha), we'd been talking on the phone for over twenty minutes...and my lunch break should have been over for about ten. ^_^ Not that I was inclined to complain about being late, of course!

I'm just really bummed out about tomorrow night. Maybe I should plan these things more in advance? Yet even if I did, he'd probably STILL find an excuse not to go. Maybe some would say that that should be a sign that I should just quit...and if he hadn't suddenly started showing signs of obvious interest, I would quit, hard as it'd be. But he is showing interest now--even I can't deny that anymore, though of course I still wonder if it's just "good friendship" interest--and I don't know what to think! Not that I expect anyone else to be able to know, either...Geoff isn't your typical guy (and I don't mean he's gay, either).

Bleargh. He's off tomorrow, and then I'm off on Monday. Then he's off on Tuesday, so I won't be able to see him 'til Wednesday...and I think I have to work 11:30-8 on Wednesday, so I'll only be able to see him for a couple of hours anyway!! Wonder if I could persuade him to drive me home early a second time, ha ha...assuming I could convince Mom to drive me in early, anyway! And that's unlikely to happen, since she hates to do that (though I have to go in early with her...go figure).

I told Geoff on the phone today that he could stop by tomorrow and say hello...not that it's likely to happen, but if it did...? Anyway, I'm going to go. Maybe I'll read some of The Elf Queen of Shannara, or maybe I'll play SMA2 (yes, Lola, I got that tonight, hehe!)...On second thought, I think I'll read. I've played Super Mario World (aka SMA2 for Game Boy Advance) so many times on SNES that I know all the worlds by heart. :oP Still, it's nice to have for when I want to play a classic Mario game!