Today's rambling: Realization hits
Written on January 20, 2002 at 6:22 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Went over to the apartment complex and looked around at a few of their "immediately available" places. Then we signed an application for one of them. I wanted to live on "Canterbury Circle" because the name sounds so neat (though "Winged Foot Drive" and...shoot, something like "Lost Forest Drive" were cool too), but the only available apartment on Canterbury was kind of dingy looking. So that was out of the question.

At any rate, even though I've known all this time that I'd be moving, today just made everything really sink in. I've almost broken down into tears several times today. The moving itself wouldn't be that bad. Yes, of course I'll miss this house and the neighborhood and all that, but I can deal with moving. It's my dogs that are going to break my heart. I don't know how I'm going to live for a year (at least) without having them around! Blackie's the only dog that we know for sure we'll get back. Wickit will hopefully be going to live with Frank (assuming I can talk to him about it and get things straightened out), but that still leaves Pierre without a home. I will not put him in an animal shelter. That's completely irresponsible.

We're going to sneak in Chloe and Sir Henry, two of my gerbils. I could never get rid of Henry, because he was the first I'd ever gotten. He's just an old man now, and definitely wouldn't be able to be sold or anything like that. Besides, I've grown attached to the little guy. And Chloe was my first girl, so I couldn't abandon her, either. That leaves me with 5 other gerbils I have to give away. I'll find something, hopefully. The rabbits will be much more difficult.

Of course, this is all assuming we can even GET the apartment. They're doing a credit check for both Mom and I, and even though the woman joked that pretty much half of the apartment community is made up of divorcees, who knows if we'll be able to get anything. I don't know which is more depressing: having to move or not being able to get a place to live.

If we're turned down here, Mom says we're going to try down at Marchwood. If that happens, it'll be too weird. I lived in Marchwood for about 4 years before moving to where I am now. So going back would feel like going full-circle in my life! The good part is that I'd be closer to my friends from work. But I don't think I could live there again.

Anyway, after leaving there I told Mom to drive us out to the mall so I could buy stuff. Usually that's enough to pull me out of this sort of a mood, and it worked for a little while, but as soon as I left the store I was back down again. I bought a 2002 calendar, though: "The Little Prince". I would've liked it better if it was still in French, but I love that book! It's so cute, and poignant, and beautiful in its simplicity!

I also got "Queen in Nuce", a CD that I didn't even know existed. It's got songs on it from the days when they were called "Smile" (well, Roger and Brian were the only two Queen members in that band), and two songs from Freddie under the alias Larry Lurex...I know all but 3 of the songs (and I have to admit--rather sadly--that I didn't like any of those songs). Oh well, it was kind of cool.

So then we went to Chi Chi's for dinner. We haven't been there literally in years, so of course everything was changed. We went to sit in the Cantina, and then when the waitress came over she asked for my ID. "Oh, I'm not buying alcohol," I told her, feeling my face start to warm. It was then that we were informed that no one under the age of 21 is allowed in that part of the restaurant, even though we weren't even close to the bar! I've never been so mortified. Almost decided to just leave the restaurant (I almost cried there, too), but we ended up eating there anyway.

All in all, today was a really crappy day. Then I signed online and found something else that really ticked me off, so needless to say I'm not in a very good mood right now. I think I might sign off soon, actually, unless Jam appears or something.

One more day off. I think I'd rather go to work. At least there I can keep my mind off things (though no doubt John will be yelling at me for calling off this past Saturday. Hey, I didn't want to have off!).