Today's rambling: Once I belonged...
Written on December 08, 2001 at 8:29 p.m.
while feeling a bit

"Worship at the Church of m0ok"? Okay, that does it. I'm going to have to go look at that diary.

Interestink...though I don't know about that picture up at the top. Hehe...but hey, I'm not here to judge, and it's THEIR diary anyway, so they can post whatever the heck they want to! Even porn! ;)

Yeah. So now that I've advertised m0ok's diary, let's start talking about MY life. *watches as everyone runs away*

I was talkin' to the guy I met at that Mario site, and he just abruptly signed off on me! Harrumph. Men. They're so bad at conversing. ;o)

Last night, I found the diary I'd written from just before I entered ninth grade 'til almost the end of my tenth grade year. Don't know if I've ever read so much melodrama before! I actually didn't even feel like I was reading something written by ME...it was almost as if I was reading a diary written by some other kid! The only part that brought back memories was when I was telling my stories of 10th grade.

I had moved up to Massachusetts that year, and at first I hated my new school because at lunchtime, I never had anyone to sit with and there was this one day when I sat at what was apparently the "wrong" table. These girls were yelling at me and throwing food at me the entire time, and needless to say I went home crying that night. I thought the rest of my year would be absolutely terrible, but then I found...the video crew.

*giggles* I guess that's self-explanatory...we taped school productions and other such things, and most of that stuff then got edited and put on the town's television station. For whatever reason, I've always been fascinated with cameras and videotaping, so when I heard the announcement that the first meeting would be held on such-and-such a date, I stayed after school to attend.

For the rest of the year, I spent most of my days after school either talking with the advisors of the crew, or videotaping, or editing stuff (*remembers the Toaster with respectful fondness*). Besides Megan, who I pretty much brought in because I talked about it so much, I was the only girl on the crew. The one advisor had begun to count on me for doing all the last-minute things because I was so eager to help out.

Reading through those entries really made me long to go back to that time! It was the first time I really felt like I belonged. Sure, most people probably considered it to be The Geeks' Club, but it was fun! And it was the first time I ever joined an after-school club, too. When I moved back to PA the following year, I tried to join my school's video crew, but there were so many people already on it (whereas at my MA school, there were only a handful), that the advisor told us we'd probably rarely get the chance to do anything. I left that first meeting feeling very depressed, and I never went back to another one.

I still wonder from time to time what happened to all those guys. One of the "advisors" (I suppose he wasn't really an advisor), Darren, had always been really fun to talk to. He'd only been in his early 20's (but I was only around 16, and I thought that was a TERRIBLE age gap, LoL!), and I'd had this huge crush on him. The following year, I asked my friend Nozomi to give him a letter for me, only to find out he was gone! Mr. Jemison was gone, too...I guess I just hate the fact that there was no closure or anything. So depressing! :(

But at any rate, that was the most interesting thing I read in my diary, hehe! It's funny, because I've always used my diaries more as something to tell little stories in, as opposed to writing down my feelings. I thought I'd ALWAYS been descriptive, but all these old entries were rushed...at one point, I wrote that I'd assigned myself a 3-page limit to my entries! And now look at me, rambling on and on... ;) My later diaries have more description, so it actually IS kind of like going back to the past and reliving stuff all over again. Kind of neat, in a way! My diaries (all 5 of 'em) read like books! I think whenever I move, I might just set them all up on my bookshelf so that I can pull them down and read through them from time to time. *giggles*

I feel left out of the conversation! Not that they're purposely leaving me out or anything...I just don't know this person (I've met her before, but I don't really KNOW her), and so they're all talking about stuff they know about, and I'm like, "Hehe! Uh, yeah!" But aha! As always, my unbelievable wit has saved me! (*snort*) Except I think I alienated the other girl, because she hasn't said anything! *sigh* You can't please everyone!

Ugh, my mother is bothering me, so I'll be back...

The thought of breastfeeding always makes me cringe (this statement was brought on by a conversation in MSN, btw, hehe). I know, that's what women were given breasts for (though one would think they were there solely for men to gawk and yell, "Wouldja look at THOSE knockers!")...It's just that, were I to have a baby, I'd be usin' a bottle. It just...uck! Not my favorite feeding idea.

And now that I've disgusted you all...

Mom and Adrienne are downstairs cleaning out the garage. It's rainy and cold outside, so I guess it's not like there's something better to do!

And speaking of something to do, Tiff just gave me the link to some psychological tests, so I'm going to go do those now! They're fun!