Today's rambling: My prediction
Written on November 15, 2001 at 7:46 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I have really sunk into a low mood. I'm not sure if it's due to being close to "that time", or if it's just me being silly. Whatever the reason, I just feel like I've sunk and I can't seem to get myself back to the surface! It's not as terrible as my past depressions have been, but even so, I would've liked to have not gone into one at all!

Maybe part of it's due to the fact that I just know Saturday is going to be a failure. People have been invited that I wish HADN'T been invited...truth be told, I would've been happiest if it had only been me, Mom, Geoff, Keith, and Cathy, like it was the last time.

Besides that, this is it for me. As far as asking out you-know-who, that is. Maybe it's just my despondent mood talking, but I'm not the sort of person who's comfortable with constantly doing the asking! And yeah, this is technically only the second time I've done so, so I shouldn't be so melodramatic, but even asking the FIRST time was too much for me! Mom tried telling me that I'll probably always have to be the one to do the asking, and as I told her, "I'm not going to be the man in the relationship." Don't you think that if he had any interest in me at all, he'd possibly ask ME out? For goodness' sake, I might've been awkward with him last Friday, but generally speaking I hang around him like a lost puppy or something! It's sickening, really!

I shouldn't be talking about this here. I know. Not just for the fact that I doubt anyone wants to read this drivel, but I'm afraid to write certain things in here anymore! I really shouldn't have given the url to this diary out as freely as I did. Now I feel like I'm always having to watch what I say. I might just end up making a new diary, and only letting certain people read it. But I don't know. Again, it's probably just my mood talking, not me.

Thank goodness I'm going back to work tomorrow! Even though I like NOT having to work, at least now I'll have something to do. Now I won't be sitting at home stewing over my problems and eating so much food. I really need to start dieting. I think I will. Then, by the time the Christmas party comes around I'll have lost a few pounds, at least...and by March, I could look even better! If it all works out, anyway.

My only fear about tomorrow is that it's almost exactly what happened last Friday: I originally had off, but Joanne needs help base-icing cakes, therefore I get to come in and help. The only difference thus far is that I won't be going into the back room. If John asks me to help out in salad bar again, I'm going to be beyond angry. And this time, it won't even be like they're doing me a favor ('cause last week I was the one who asked to come in, whereas this week Joanne asked me to)...so I have every right to complain this time, hehe! I just hope things go alright, because unlike last week, tomorrow if I have a bad day I won't have any outings to look forward to! Unless I can manage to score a ticket to see Harry Potter, anyway.

You know what I think my biggest problem is? Lack of courage. If I had any courage at all, I could just walk up to Geoff and say, "Hey, wanna see a movie tonight?" But I can't. Because I'm a wimp. Heh...if I'd said that to Jim, he'd tell me not to say I can't..."You have to try!" or something like that. Shut up.

Anyway, as you can see I'm not exactly Miss Pleasant tonight, so I'm going to go finish my game of Cheat. At least there, I'm allowed to be in a bad mood... :oP