Today's rambling: I'm no organizer
Written on November 11, 2001 at 9:41 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I wrote out most of my diary entry while sitting in Produce this evening. See, John had scheduled me 9-3 today, and I found out that he'd done this because he'd looked at Mom's schedule and saw that SHE was working those hours. No big surprise, of course, because that's what he's supposed to do. This week, however, I thought he hadn't looked, because he had me working in the morning today (while she worked in the evening), and then I have to work tomorrow, whereas Mom has off. But Jim, the Produce manager, is on vacation so he made this week's schedule and next week's...and John looked at next week's by accident. Today, however, I had to work 1-8, which sucked. Actually I clocked out at around 7:30, but that's beside the point. Here's the entry I wrote while there! ;)

~~~

I've decided to organize another group thing, this time for Saturday night. Thus far, I've asked Cathy and she'll probably be going, and for whatever reason I've also asked Frank. I think I asked him because for the past two days he's been looking so down. Thus, I figured hey, what could it hurt? I'm not going to ask him again, however, because I realized just after asking the first time that I didn't really want him to go! And that's so terrible to say! It's not that I don't like him anymore, but 1) I don't want to listen to him talk about Erin, and 2) I have a hard time dividing my attention between friends, so I'd be wanting to devote most of my attention to Geoff (hehe), but then I'd feel guilty for discluding Frank! So that's why I won't remind him. If he remembers and decides to go, hey, that's great. But otherwise, I'll feel guiltily relieved.

Mom asked Kirsten, who said she'll go (though I privately think--and hope--that she won't show up). I'm being really mean! Anyway, the only people left to ask now are Keith...and Geoff.

I came up with my "brilliant" idea tonight, and though Geoff worked 'til 5:30 (which was a surprise), he was hurrying around and generally being antisocial. Actually, I shouldn't say that; he did say hi to me...and he'd been talking to a group of other guys at the time, so I'm frankly surprised he noticed me! Then, after the group had dispersed, he joked around with me a little...but I came in at one so it wasn't as if I got to spend a whole lot of time with him, hehe...

But still, he'd said to someone yesterday that he didn't work today, so I should be glad I got to see him at all, right?

Tomorrow will be my only chance to ask him about Saturday, unfortunately. He's off on Tuesday, and I'm off Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday! Obviously, I really want him to say yes. But I have this terrible feeling that he's going to say no. If he does, you can bet I'll never be asking him out again, because I'll be so embarrassed! Yeah, maybe he'd be saying no because he has no money or already has plans, but how would I know? With the luck I have, he'd probably say one of the aforementioned things just as an excuse to get away from me! :oP

~~~

All of that filled up one whole side of a rather large piece of paper, and now it looks like nothing! Oh well. I know I'm really pathetic, you don't have to tell me. Really, you don't. I don't want to know what you think of me! Heck, I get frustrated with me for being like this! But it's just in my nature to be unsure of others unless they make it abundantly clear what they think! It's even worse, of course, when my uncertainty is due to someone I like.

So anyway, I don't know what's going to happen. He won't be in 'til 3:30 tomorrow, so I've got...*counts* 7 1/2 hours before I have to worry about asking him. Ohhh, I shouldn't have counted! Seven-and-a-half? It's gonna be forever, I tell you. Ought to give me enough time to think of a way to ask though, huh? *giggles* I went through this same exact thing the LAST time! At least last time was a first, though...now I'm going to be wondering if I'm starting to pester him. *shakes her head* Gotta stop thinking about negative things like that!

Linda, my mom's friend, got me all excited for a moment today. She was looking in the donut case, so I went out to say hi. Then she said something like, "Remember the other day when Geoff was in my line? He said--" Then she stopped because she was looking for something. I was thinking, "Oh my gosh, I'm going to find out something really good!" But it turned out to be nothing. She's been telling people constantly that her and Mom are sisters (they used to do that to people, even though they look nothing alike), and now she's telling them that I'm her niece. Of course, everyone comes to me to find out if this is the truth, and I always say no. I can't lie; it's not one of my strong points. So at any rate, she was just telling me that that's what she'd told Geoff. I had to fight not to frown in disappointment and say that I knew already (he'd asked me yesterday if she really was my aunt).

Then she started saying something like, "He should ask you out!" Which of course I agreed with, hehe! ;) But she went on to say that she thinks he's really shy (funny...that's the same thing Mom said). GAH! Not that it's bad to be shy (I am, after all, ha ha!), it just makes it VERY hard to start anything when both parties involved are shy! Even if he actually isn't, but that's how he comes off to people, he's still not making things very easy for me! :oP

Hrmm. I'm going to have to walk by and say hello to him tomorrow or something, then try to guage his mood. If he seems to be in a personable sort of mood, then I'll ask about Saturday. Otherwise, I'll be too afraid to, in case he just gives me that same unenthused response he gave when I asked about lunch yesterday! *smiggles*

I really ought to stop writing about him in here...ever since I mentioned that I had an online diary, I've been wondering "what if he finds it?" And like I said last entry, I don't think he has a computer...but if he was curious enough, he could find a way! I still don't want to think about that, hehe...Not that there's anything particularly bad, it would just be embarrassing to find out that he'd discovered I was gushing about him in here! Oh well. At least he'd know then that I liked him, right? *laughs*

On one unrelated note...The X-Files season premiere sucked. Actually, I only watched maybe the first 5 or 10 minutes of it, which was probably unfair of me. But there were just too many new characters, Krycek and Mulder are gone...it's not worth anything to me anymore! I mean, the X-Files was Mulder and Scully. For goodness' sake, the whole storyline of the X-Files was based upon Mulder! And I know that it can't be helped that he's gone, since David Duchovny decided he didn't want to act in the show anymore. It's just really depressing to me how much everything has changed. Even Cary Elwes wasn't enough to make me watch...he's so unattractive with that American accent! :oP

Now, I'm going to go see if anything else needs to be done, and then I'm going to bed. Wish me luck, everyone! I need lucky vibes tomorrow, LoL! ;)

P.S. Demmykins, I can't remember any specific examples, but I related to SO many of the things you said in your diary entry, hehe! :)