Today's rambling: Forget your troubles...
Written on September 17, 2001 at 2:29 a.m.
while feeling a bit

Okay, turns out Mum wasn't mad at me after all. I guess the dogs were just irritating her! At least, when she came back inside about 5 minutes after I signed off, she was grinning and cheerful when I told her about how Matt had at least read the email. *giggles*

I really ought to just stop talking about this now, but I'm not going to get over it until he writes back or something! Jam says I should only get worried if I haven't heard back within a week. Hehehe...just HOW much do you want to bet that I won't hear back from him at all? And if I don't, I'll be so devastated! It's not that I wrote anything particularly scary in the email, LoL...in fact, in my own mind, I think I was pretty casual! Well, it's not like I wanted to be like, "Oh, my dearest Matt!" or something ridiculous like that!

Sigh. I've probably got all my friends annoyed because I keep talking about it, and I'm always saying how paranoid I am that he won't write back! Let's just put it this way...in the MIRACLE event that he does write back, you can all give resounding "I TOLD YOU SO"s. ;) And under the circumstances, I wouldn't be irritated! *grins*

Lessee, try to get my mind off that by talking about something else. I went to sleep today at like 5:30, and didn't wake up 'til 9-something. During that time, I had this dream with Zenon (my bakery manager) in it. It was here at my house, but it was almost like we were working or something, because all of a sudden he said it was time for him to go. There were other people there, but they were all women. Anyway, I guess there were these murders or something going on, and I was SOOO scared because they were like right outside the house! And as there weren't any male figures around to protect all of us, I was just getting really freaked out.

So then there was a knock on the door, and I went frantic 'cause I thought it was the murderer! But the woman said it was just Zenon. Well, I was so relieved because I knew he'd be able to keep us safe, and so I ran out the door and threw myself at him, flinging my arms around his neck and just sobbing that he had to stay. It was so weird, LoL! And then afterward (the whole dream occurred while it was night), we were all sitting outside as if we had nothing to worry about!

I think that all must've come from the fact that I feel comfortable working with Zen. It's nothing like a crush or anything (the guy's funny and really nice, but I'd never in a million years want to date him!), but he's always been so nice to me from the very start that I feel like I can joke around or whatever and he won't get angry, y'know? And when I first went back to Genuardi's, he was the only one I DID feel comfortable working with...everyone else made me feel like I was being judged or something. So that's probably why I dreamed he was some sort of protector!

Not this weekend, but the weekend after that, I'm going to be going up to visit Tiff at college! I'm excited, but at the same time I'm kinda nervous, hehe...I'm so anal when it comes to things like being able to wash my hair every day (it gets so oily, I hate it), and all the little makeup things (because I'm so low on self esteem, I feel like the only way I can make up for it is to just make sure I look as nice as possible)...and it's not like they don't have a bathroom or something, but I just get weird using other people's bathrooms, I guess...can't take as long as I normally would, that sort of thing. Hehehe...I'm such an oddball.

I just saw an advertisement for Lord of the Rings. Which reminded me that the Harry Potter movie is going to be out in just a couple of months! The soundtrack will be out in October (toward the end, I think), but I don't usually buy soundtracks, so that doesn't mean much. ;) I've seen so many pictures from the movie, though, and it's got me SO excited! I can't wait to see how it's turned out. So many people were complaining that it wasn't going to be EXACTLY like the books, and I felt like saying, "So what?? I'm still excited!" Honestly, talk about ruining the spirit!

Urgh...This morning I was trying to get my earring to go through the second hole in my right ear, and it just wouldn't go through! Mum said it might be closed (one side was open, but the back seemed to be closed), but I refused to let all the money I spent be wasted (especially as the hole in my left ear was still open, and I wasn't going to pay MORE money to get the right one repierced)! So I kept fiddling with it until my earlobe got sore, and then after that, since I couldn't really feel any more pain as it was, I kept pushing the earring, hoping maybe it would just poke through on its own (isn't this absolutely FASCINATING all of you??)....and it did, and it hurt, so I think it HAD closed up, and I just repunched the hole! I took the earrings out this afternoon when I went to bed, and when I woke up, there was all this dried blood on the back of my ear and just behind my ear. If the hole closes up again, I'll let it stay that way. It still hurts!

And now that all of my readers have run off gagging...

I downloaded a bunch of new songs off of KaZaA. Hehe...did those record company people honestly think that by shutting down Napster, they were getting rid of all sharing software? Yeesh...And it's not that I have any particular desire to cheat recording artists, but on the same token I'm not going to pay all that money for a CD when I only like one or two songs on it! So hey, I thumb my nose at you, record companies! KaZaA doesn't allow their sound files to have CD quality, though...it only goes up to like 128 something-or-other (I'm not up on all the technical lingo), so it's not like we could burn the songs and have them sound terrific. It's nice if you'd just like to sample songs off an artist's album, in order to decide whether to buy it. *shrugs* Also nice for poor folk like me, who can't afford to buy lots of CDs!

The Brady Bunch has been playing on TVLand the entire weekend. I actually like to watch that show, but not in a 48-hour block! Most of the episodes I've seen anyway, but I think there've been a few here and there that I never saw before. At any rate, that's what's playing out in the living room (I like to leave the TV on 'til I go to bed, for whatever reason), and I can hear their corny jokes over my music! Hehehe...this is the episode where Jan gets her posters mixed up with her dad's blueprints, but then she loses the tube that held the blueprints, so the whole family has to run around the amusement park looking for them. In case you wanted to know. The famous "Oh, my nose!" episode was on earlier. "Marcia, I asked all of you out, not just your nose!" (Yeah, I'm sure you did, you pervert. hehehe...)

Someone please come and take my gerbils! I want to get rid of them! *giggles* I know that when I finally do find people to adopt them, I'll be really sad, but at the same time, I can't stand having so many of them anymore! They're not friendly--I mean, they don't bite, but other gerbil owners are constantly talking about how their gerbils will run up to them, and mine run AWAY from me! It's not even like I'm mean to them! I guess I just don't spend enough time with 'em.

Did I write in here about Squeaker, one of my dwarf hamsters? I can't remember if I wrote it or not...at any rate, this one night I walked in to check on them, and Kenevil was climbing on the cage bars...something he's NEVER really been inclined to do. I knew something was wrong, but I never expected to find what I did. Instead of finding just a dead hamster, as I'd thought I would, I found pieces of one. Fur, some bones....I swear, I think I talked about this already. Maybe I'm just thinking of the email I wrote. Okay, so anyway, obviously I was more than a little sick to my stomach, but I took Kenevil out and put him in another cage (the original wire cage that my first two gerbils had come home in). And he's been there since.

The first day or so, you could tell he was really lonely, because all he did was sleep, and when he was awake and I came in the room, he got all excited and started scrambling at the bars. I think he's going back to normal now, but I still feel bad for him! Losing his companion and all...I think Squeaker had been sick before, so he must've died and animal instinct just kicked in. Still, it wasn't exactly what I needed to see!

Yeesh, in my effort to stop agonizing over this whole Matt thing, I've been talking about some pretty nasty stuff! So I think I'll stop now! It's a little after 3 am now, so I might as well try to go back to bed or something! Ta ta!