Today's rambling: Don't hate me!
Written on September 17, 2001 at 11:10 p.m.
while feeling a bit

*sits on her hands and bites her lips so she can't continue going on about what she's been talking about for the past few entries*

*rocks back and forth a little*

......

Okay! I have something else I can talk about! We'll get the nasty part over with, first. I walked into the Rodent Room today and started feeding the gerbils...and then I came to Sir William and Sir Henry's cage. William was dead, and his hind leg had been eaten. (Guess Henry wanted a drumstick? Sorry...morbid humor.) I didn't really even cry or anything. I mean yeah, I'm sorry he's gone--those two were the first gerbils I ever had--but I was pretty much expecting them to die. Granted, I thought it would be Henry, but whatever. I got them when they were...I don't know, they could have been one or two years old...maybe even more, though I doubt it. Whatever the age, they were definitely full grown, and gerbils only live an average of 2-5 years. So I knew they were definitely soon to go. I just hate seeing only PARTS of the body, you know?? At least when I've had to take dead baby gerbils out, they've been whole, so it doesn't really make me sick to look at them. Anyway, I had to get that out, because they were my first gerbils, and I feel bad that Henry's all by himself now!

Rabbits, thankfully, don't do that (since they're completely herbivorous). Once all my gerbils are gone, I'm not getting any more. I've totally lost interest in them (as I've stated several times now), and this whole "eating your companions" thing, while part of animal nature, is just sick! You wanna eat your fallen friends, then fine...YOU dump out all the bedding and clean the cage!

Speaking of rabbits, the CUTEST thing happened tonight! I took Calico Jack out of the cage and walked over to Mum's bedroom. She took him from me and sat down on the edge of the bed, and as we were sitting there, she started to cradle him like a baby (y'know, he was on his back and stuff). It's not as easy to do that as it sounds--the rabbit has to be REALLY comfortable with you and its surroundings (I mean think about it...they're prey animals...would they really want to be laying so vulnerably like that?). However, Jack just laid there, and before long his little head started sinking back against Mum's arm, his mouth drooped open the smallest bit, and his eyes began to close!

By that time, I'd gotten Jack's cagemate, Binky, out and was holding him. I've been trying to get my bunnies to do that (it's called a 'trance', though I don't really know if they're tranced or not), and here Mum is getting a bunny to do that the first time she tries! So I attempted to try it a second time with Binky. And it worked with him, too! Not quite as well as with Jack, but he was laying on his back against my lap, and I was playing with his feet and stuff and he didn't even move! It's good to be able to do this bunny trancing thing just because if you need to do something to them like clip their toenails, you can do it without having to hold them down.

Later on I tried it with Cadbury and his cagemate (who still has no name), and Cadbury kind of did it, but NoName (as I've started to call the other one) was just laying there all calm! He jumped up as soon as I stopped petting him, though. Anyway, it was just too cute and I had to share with everyone!

So let's see, what else did I want to write...oh yeah! I don't know if I'd written in here that Mel emailed me a little while ago (it was like the day after the whole World Trade Center ordeal), and basically by that point I wasn't feeling quite so malicious (who COULD feel malicious toward anyone else, after what happened?)...so I wrote back, and I unblocked her from AOL (though she wasn't on). In fact, tonight was the first time I'd seen her online since I took her off my Blocked list. We talked for a little bit, and then she told me about how Tiff had said she was annoying, and she wanted to know why. I'll bet she probably expected me to just say something like "Oh, I don't know, Tiff's silly", but guess what? I actually kind of told the whole truth! That sounds so much less impressive now, LoL! The fact that I even gave the truth at all is astonishing for me, though, because I'm so non-confrontational that I'd rather lie than say the truth and get the other person pissed off at me! But all I said was that I felt like she'd only been calling us when she wanted something, and so I didn't even feel like she wanted to talk to ME anymore, she just basically wanted to use me (that sounds so gutter-ish).

It wasn't the whole truth, obviously, and I kept telling her not to get mad because I wasn't trying to be mean, so yeah, I definitely whimped out, but I said it! :o

I still feel like a traitor or something, though, because I'm being nice to her...I can't explain it. I was trying to explain it to Dustin, and I couldn't find the right words! I mean, as it is, it's not like I'm going to actively seek Mel out and ask to do things, but at the same time...I dunno. Don't hate me for being weak!

And no, you still can't give her the address to my diary, hehe... ;) Even if I HADN'T said all that stuff about her, I still don't think I'd want her to have this URL. If I know you, and you have this URL, it's because I trust you and love you enough to let you in on my personal thoughts! :)

(I wonder if Tiff is away from the computer...she hasn't replied to me, and I'm afraid she might be angry at me! I certainly hope not!)

I think that's it. If I stay here any longer, I'm going to go back into my paranoid rants, and no one wants to hear that! I should try writing that new Labyrinth fanfic I got the idea for a little while ago...that should keep my mind off things for awhile!