Today's rambling: What a time to wax philosophical...
Written on September 03, 2001 at 11:25 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I just realized a minute ago that it's been a full month (if not longer) since I've heard from or seen Mel. And you know what? I've been so much better without her! I know it sounds bad, and I probably ought to feel a little more remorse for 'breaking up' (though that sounds like more of a dating term, hehe), but I just don't! Friendship is supposed to add things to both people's lives, and she didn't add anything to mine. Tiff, Janette, Laura...they've enriched my life in their own ways, and I'm totally thankful to have met them (and I'm NOT saying that because they'll see this...it's totally true!), but Mel...the only thing I got from her was a mode of transportation to places I wanted to go (and even then I had to pray every time I got in the car).

So I think this may be one of the only times I'll ever be glad to say I'm no longer friends with someone. I'm sad in the respect that I wish it could have been different, that things could have worked out, but sad to leave behind the person she is now? No.

It's almost like what happened between me and Gretchen. At one time, I was so close to her, but after graduation especially, I just started getting annoyed with her whenever I saw her. All she ever did was nag at me -- why don't you do this? When are you going to get your license? Blah blah blah...If I wanted to be nagged, I could get my mother to do that, y'know? The only thing that kept me feeling like I had to talk to her for awhile was the fact that she was letting me use her credit card for my AOL account. So I finally switched it over to my debit card for awhile, and after that, I just stopped talking to her. That also happened around the time that my parents started their divorce, so that's another part of the reason why I stopped talking to her.

I didn't really know whether or not she'd given up on me until my birthday, though. She and I were both really big on cards and things, and I didn't receive anything from her. So I knew then that it was over. And once again, I didn't really feel all that bad about it. Friendships don't always last forever...there was some poem I used to have in an email about some friendships only lasting a season...however the poem went, it was totally true! Friends just come into your life when you need them (and I don't mean 'using', I just mean general needing friendship-type stuff), and then eventually they fade away. That's totally how it was with Gretchen; she helped me out with the last two years of high school, which were rather tough for me, and then we just went our own ways. And there's nothing wrong with that, but the word 'friend' usually brings to mind visions of lifelong relationships, so the thought of only having a friend for 2 years seems just wrong to some people!

Of course, I'd love to have lifelong friendships with people, I'm not saying I wouldn't! But I've also finally realized that it's okay to have friends for just a short while.

It's all good, my at-a-distance friends!