Today's rambling: I Wish...
Written on July 23, 2001 at 1:57 a.m.
while feeling a bit

Yet again, I'm writing while I feel like I'm about to fall asleep right here at the keyboard. I didn't go to bed 'til almost 11 am this morning, because I decided to get the first part of 10th Kingdom taped, and then I didn't wake up 'til 6pm, when Tiff called! Yet I still feel like I want to go to bed! I napped while taping the second part of 10K this evening...napped right through the Troll King's murder and Wolf's little 'shopping for Virginia' trip! *sighs* Oh well, now I have all 3 parts on two video cassettes, so that I can watch them and sigh dreamily whenever I want. ;)

I'm not sure when, but I'm going to be getting my job back at Genuardi's sometime very soon. Dave (the store manager) said he was going to talk to the Food Court department manager on Tuesday, and then I guess I'll get called as to when I'm going to start. Or maybe they'll just tell Mum, and she'll pass the message on to me. Either way, the thought of going back really depresses me! The only good thing about it is that I'm going to have spending money once again!

Tiff's boyfriend, Dustin, is going to try to come up and visit on Wednesday, and then leave on Friday or something like that. We had originally planned to go to the Renaissance Faire on Thursday, but tonight Dustin found out that not only does the Ren Faire not open 'til August 18th, but it's only open on weekends! I was so bummed about that, because I'd really gotten excited about going in just a couple of days! The only two things that I hadn't been looking forward to was 1) My dress hasn't even been made yet, so I'd have to go in my normal clothes, and 2) I have no money, so I wouldn't be able to buy anything! So really, this is a good thing. I should hopefully have my dress made by August 18th, and since I'll have my job back, I'll have some money to spend! :oD

I went to the official Renaissance Faire website, and looking over everything has me doubly excited to go. They had a page about what you can wear if you decide to come dressed in period garb, and the 'peasant woman' garb is exactly like my dress pattern, right down to the double skirt thing! *bounces up and down* I can't wait for August to come!!! Hurry up, hurry up!!!

Today was my 'day off' from hanging out and doing stuff with Tiff, hehe...I don't mean that in the sense that I was getting sick of it, by the way! I love going out with Tiff, and we always have fun together, but everyone needs some Self Time now and then, right? ;) So today was my day to lay around by myself, not have to worry about rushing around to get dressed and ready to go out...just Lazy Day! Tomorrow I think we might go out looking for fabric for my dress (again). Why can't anything around here sell brocade? And voile? And boning? *giggles*

I haven't seen Mel since the other night, and for that I am profoundly grateful. With each day, I'm more and more convinced that I just don't want to be friends with her anymore. And I still think it's terrible to be like that, but people don't always stay friends forever, you know? They separate, and there's nothing wrong with that. Mel has just gotten so selfish and self-centered recently that I can't stand to be with her even for a few minutes anymore. I'd like to hope that it won't always be like this, that eventually I'll start getting along with her again, but I just don't know. If she doesn't realize how selfish she's acting, then I don't think I'll ever be able to get along with her again. Of course, you could say that a 'true friend' would sit her down and explain these problems, but you just can't do that with her. In her mind, she does no wrong.

But whatever happens will happen. I'm too tired to get worked up about it, hehe!

I contributed a little bit to 'Fanfic Girl Melissa', the one who's been working on those Labyrinth fanfics with me? And I'm starting to get a little confuddled with that, too. I still like her and everything, but I feel like she's taking over my story! I can't explain it. She's the one who does 99% of the writing, and she asks me to contribute every now and then when she gets writer's block, but that's about it. The story is posted under her name, it's mostly written by her...and I don't want to sound ungrateful or jealous, it's just that 'Say the Words' and 'When Words Aren't Enough' were my little babies! They were my first major ('published') works of fan fiction, and so I'm very proud of them. So now it's like someone's trying to take over, and I know she's not trying to do that, but I can't help feeling that way sometimes! And I'm not really feeling very inspired by the plot we decided on, which is another reason why I can't help very often.

I think maybe this fanfic we're working on will be the last for the 'Say the Words' saga, unless it somehow ends in a way that could conceivably have a sequel. After that, I might still collaborate with Melissa (because like I said, she's a cool girl and I'm so glad I'm friends with her!), but the 'Say the Words' saga will be ended for everyone unless I feel like writing another sequel! ;)

And now I'm afraid she'll somehow get here, see all that, and get offended, and I didn't mean it to be offensive at all! *giggles* This is yet another reason why I need a new, secret diary where I can just say things and no one will know my real identity! I might end up making one after all, but I'll think about it a little more first!

I wish I could just get away from here for a little while...y'know, take a trip to another state or something, and stay away for a few days! I made a wish the other night that my closet would turn into a portal to a fantasy world, but it never happened. :oP Then again, there is a boarded-up area where a plumber had had to cut a hole in my closet wall to get to the pipes...maybe if I tore the board down, I'd find the portal...*giggles* I wish for things like that to happen to me a lot...y'know, finding a magical world with wizards and elves and faeries and trolls, and all sorts of things. And I know, who doesn't wish for that from time to time, right? But for me, there are times when I just get this longing, and sometimes I could just lay in bed for hours in this sort of melancholy, wistful state just wishing. It's unhealthy, but what if there really was another world, like in 'The 10th Kingdom' or something? Even if it all turned out to be nowhere near as romantic as I always imagine it, I still wish I could go just to get it out of my system! :-

*sighs* Anyway, on that lovely note, I think I'll go. Doubt I'll be able to go to bed, but I've written down everything that's 'important', hehe! So good night, my sympathetic little blank space!