Today's rambling: Irritable, Irritated Me
Written on July 5, 2001 at 1:31 a.m.
while feeling a bit

I finally broke down. After all these weeks of stoic resolve not to even think of ever going back to Genuardi's again...I've asked Mum to talk to the store manager and ask if I can come back. On a couple of conditions, however: 1) I will NOT work in Food Court ever again, and 2) I HAVE to go to Bakery. When I was still working there, the department manager (Rob) kept telling me that yes,

I'd get to learn how to decorate cakes and all that jazz. Even the store manager (Dave) said I would be able to. I was absolutely ecstatic over this, because I'd wanted to be able to decorate cakes ever since I worked in that Hell known as Super Fresh (*gag*). The store manager (Cheryl) there told me that I'd be able to do it, but it never happened, supposedly because I was such a bad worker. Yeah, and that delinquent druggie I worked with was SO much better. I was honestly embarrassed to even give away the cakes he decorated...you could barely read the writing on them!

But anyway. So at Genuardi's, since everyone had been just soooo nice to me, when they told me that I'd be taught soon, I was fairly bouncing off the walls! Yay, I'd FINALLY be able to do something creative! But did it happen? Technically, it sorta happened. I got one or two lessons. After that, it was back over to the Food Court to fry disgusting foods (I hated coming home smelling like grease every night), and deal with obnoxious, smug customers. I'm probably jaded because my only two jobs have been down in that area (the West Chester, PA area), and pretty much all of those people are snobby rich folk. But they treat grocery store employees like we're slaves, which really ticks me off! Yeah, sure, if it weren't for them then I wouldn't be getting a paycheck every week, but if it weren't for the WORKERS, then those morons would actually have to do the work for themselves! Bah!

I'm on another ranting spree tonight. The irritation started when our next-door neighbor (the one who shot my dog just for going on his property) set off those really loud, sounds-like-a-bomb fireworky things. He doesn't do it for any other reason than to piss off the neighbors, and he does a darn good job of it 'cause most of us hate him. Who wouldn't, after how idiotic he's acted these past 10+ years? Practically robs my friends blind when their basement wall collapsed and he said he'd fix it for them; shoots my dog (though thankfully it went through the leg and didn't kill); KICKED another dog for straying onto his property...he's an ass, plain and simple.

Oh, but the fun didn't stop there. I got online, and who should come on after about an hour but dear old Mel. Now, those of you who read my diary (all four of you) would know that I'm currently in a state of Mel intolerance. So she signs on, and immediately goes into a tirade about how two of the people at work are going to 'help' her with Mike. La di da, if you didn't talk about guys every single day, I might be moved to be happy for you. As it was, I just gave responses such as "Heh" and "Hehehe" and ":-P" (which in AIM turns into a smiley face with a silly expression). Then she asked to look at the birthday page Janette set up for me, and I didn't hear from her for...I guess it was like 10 minutes or more. What does she say upon returning? "Blargh" "I forgot about you" ... Heck, that's fine with me. Forget about me until you've matured a year or two (or four), what do you say?

I'm going through a bit of internal warring over this. On the one hand, I know I should be fed up with her behavior, and so it's okay for me to be irritated like this. But then that nice part of me says that if she's my friend, I shouldn't be so mean toward her -- and if I'm going to express frustration and say such terrible things, then I should at least do it to her face and be honest about it. But I'm not like that. I hate confrontation, and I hate upsetting/offending/angering people. Even if I came face-to-face with my worst enemy, I probably wouldn't be able to do anything more evil than glare and ignore them. Oooo...I'm really mean, I am.

But anyway, I was talking to Mum tonight about everything that was going on with Mel, and she started telling me how disgusted she was with the girl! "It's obvious she came over last night just to rub it in your face," she told me (referring to the fact that Mel had just come home from a Backstreet Boys concert). Thinking back on it, that definitely does have a ring of truth to it. I mean, I told Mel she could come over and we'd go see Monkey Mike at Redner's, but she came in and started playing up on how raw her throat was from screaming, and how AWESOME it was, and how when Shaggy's set came up she and this other girl were dancing like they were at a club. But the reason I didn't notice it last night was because...I didn't care. Yeah, I'm glad she had a good time and all, but if her intent was to make me jealous, she'd have to do something more along the lines of going to see Queen or getting tickets to Melbourne, Australia. I've never had ANY interest in going to a Backstreet Boys concert, because while I like their music, I have no inclination to get my eardrums popped by loud, screaming, hormonally-raging girls. Thanks, my CDs are fine.

So if she'd wanted to make me jealous, it didn't work. Of course, I wasn't giving much more than little chuckles to all of her gushing exclamations, so maybe she thought I was jealous and was just taking it badly. I don't know. She's going to another concert on Thursday night (which technically is tonight, but since I'm pretending it's still Wednesday, it's tomorrow night, hehe). I still don't care. I hope she has a smashing time, but don't expect me to get all riled up about it.

I think this sudden burst of irritability must be due to that wonderful thing known as PMS. I'm always more emotional than usual, and I get ticked off by the simplest things, but the truth of the matter is...Mel is becoming intolerable. She's self-centered (and she always HAS been, but never so much as she is now), all but completely unfeeling, and whiny. If I could get up the nerve to say just one thing to her, it would be "Start acting your age instead of your shoe size." And even THAT would be generous, because she acts more like a 5-year old than a 9-year old! At least, I think her shoe size is 9...what do I know! :oP

I never told my 'movie renting' story...mostly because I was afraid she'd end up finding this diary (through a link at FanFiction.Net to the Berry Patch, and then that link to here). But seeing as she doesn't care much about me, I guess it's safe to say that she has no interest in my personal web page, so I can let out any frustrations I want here. At any rate, the three of us (Mel, Tiff, and I) were at Blockbuster to rent some videos. Mel had a limited amount of money, so she could only rent one. Now, she honestly doesn't care whether or not I like the movie she picks...if it interests her, then she'll get it (and it's her money, so I'm not the sort to cry over it). She decided to rent a video called "Romeo Must Die" (something I had NO interest in, but kept my mouth shut). But then we all decided that we wanted to look around the rest of the store, just to see what else was there, and so we did. We got to the Children's and Family sections, and all of a sudden, Tiff and I heard Mel cry out jubilantly, "Inspector Gadget!" (the live action movie, that is, not the cartoon.) Yay, thought I, as I just gave her an amused grin. Tiff, who is much better at vocalizing her thoughts, said flat-out that she had no interest in seeing the movie, and so pouting dramatically, Mel went to put the video back. Tiff and I, meanwhile, were laughing and chatting about the Sailor Moon videos we'd found. Neither of us were intent on renting them; we were just having fun discussing the episodes on each tape.

So then Mel finds a version of "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe," and makes it quite clear that she'd LOVE to rent that one. Once again, I was of the opinion that it was her money, she could do what she wanted with it. I'd rather see that than 'Romeo Must Die' anyway. But Tiff said she'd seen that version just recently, it wasn't any good; and while she didn't actually say this, she made it clear that she didn't want to watch it. Well, here's where the fun part came. Instead of sucking it up and dealing, Mel put the video cover back down on the shelf, then leaned back against the opposite shelf and proceeded to gaze longingly at the Video She Could Not Have. Tiff and I continued to laugh over Sailor Moon videos. Then we moved on to other videos in that particular section, giggling over them or saying that it had been SO long since we'd seen them. Five minutes later, Mel was still staring at that video, much as a small, spoiled child would when trying to make her parents buy something they'd already said 'no' to.

I pretended not to notice what she was doing, however, not just because it was irritating me, but because I was getting uncomfortable. What was I supposed to say to her? "It's alright, honey, I only have five dollars to my name, but I'll rent that video just for you." Riiiiiiight. So I just kept talking to Tiff. She was more fun anyway!

A few MORE minutes passed, and then Mel, obviously irritated that she wasn't going to get her way, snapped "Are we going yet?" Tiff asked if Mel was going to have a pouting party, to which Mel whined, "Well, I haven't seen that movie in so long, and I really wanna see it!" Then she walked over to the end of the aisle, sat down on the floor (again like a petulant child), and leaned back against the shelf's endcap thing.

GAH! Do you see what I'm getting at, here? Sure, I used to act like that...when I was FIVE! And every now and then I still tend to get mulish when I can't get/do what I wanted, but I at least have enough respect for myself not to act so babyish in public!

Let me just say right now that I'm INFINITELY grateful to have so many other terrific, kind, caring, fun friends! People that genuinely care not only about our friendship, but just about other people in general! Yes, I might not like humans as a whole (ranted about that already), but the very reason why I get so frustrated with them is because of people like Mel!

She has her good sides, I know. I just wish I knew some way to make her SHOW them, instead of leading everyone to believe that she's a shallow almost-20-year-old who enjoys acting more like an almost-6-year-old. Any suggestions? Pass them over my way!

Oo! I almost forgot to mention this...lookee (below) at the spifty mood graphic that Laura made! I like Moulin Rouge too, so it's perfect! But even better than that, for some reason I just like the word 'absinthe', so it's fun! *giggles* Yay, Laura! ;oD (It'll be linked over on the lefthand side, but for displaying purposes, it's just here! ;)

By the way, Laura...your talk about that Game Boy of yours has gotten me jealous over here! I've reverted back to my Mario Addict days, and I was hoping to get N64 for my birthday, but I've always wanted a Game Boy! *sniffles* The world's not fair! Hehehe...it's all good though, just more motivation for me to find a job! ;) How much was it? Well, I guess I ought to email you about that, huh? Isn't this sad? I'm using my diary like an email or instant message. *smacks herself* You need sleep, Amber!!!

Anyway, that's it for me! I shudder to think about how LONG this entry is going to be...if you put up with me this long, you have my gratitude! ;)