Today's rambling: First entry...'nuff said!
Written on June 3, 2001 at 10:02 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Oo, it's my first ever entry on this brand spanking new online diary I got! And now that I've got it, what should I do with it? I get sort of nervous pouring my heart out somewhere where strangers can see it...and it's not as if I have to write down my deepest, darkest secrets on here or anything, but what's a diary for if you can't just ramble on about everything that's going on in your life?

I suppose I should say right now that I ramble a lot. Not exactly a nice habit to have, but I talk so little in real life that when I start writing like this, I could just go on and on without really realizing what I'm doing! Like now, for example. I think I just like how fast my fingers fly across the keys as I'm typing. Heh! Well, that's one explanation, anyway!

So anyway, what's been going on in my life...well, I just got back from Disney World a couple of days ago. I love that place! Actually, if it wasn't so darned crowded all the time, I'd like it even more, but it's a theme park for goodness' sake, so what's it supposed to be? Empty? Even so, I wish there weren't so many people smushing against me all the time...and the worst of it is, most of those people are so rude! I had a guy once (on a previous trip) keep banging into my heels with a stroller as we tried to make our way out of the park. And he didn't even apologize for doing it! Did manners go out of style or something? If they did, then let me know because I'll just forget about being polite to people, and revert to my baser instincts: giving them a good, resounding SMACK when they deliberately do stupid stuff.

Ahem. I suppose since this is my diary, I can tell my first little silly story. I've told this to a couple of people already, but I never elaborated much on it because I'm always afraid of what people are going to think of me! At any rate, my favorite ride at WDW is called the Haunted Mansion. There are such neat effects in there, and the ballroom scene is sort of eerily romantic...there's this one dancing ghost couple that I always look for because they're my favorite! The guy is tall, with dark hair pulled back in a ponytail sort of thing (y'know, like colonial guys used to wear their hair?), and he's wearing a pale blue coat. The girl is clothed in a pink dress, and she has red hair that's coiled on the top of her head. As the two of them dance, their faces are positioned in a way that it looks like they're either just gazing romantically at each other, or they're about to kiss. I don't know why I like that particular couple so much, but I just do!

But that's not the story I had originally intended to tell! See what I mean when I said I ramble? Okay, at any rate the people that work there are dressed in clothes that match the colonial-era setting...they're all supposed to act really intimidating and unfriendly, but most of the time the girls aren't very good at it. The guys, however, are almost ALWAYS the best! They stand there and stare at you unblinkingly, their mouths set in a stern line, and no matter how much you smile or giggle nervously at them, they just don't respond. If there's a group of annoying, overdramatic giggly girls in the group (usually saying stuff like, "Eew, he's so scary!" in a tone loud enough for the whole room to hear), then the guy will make a point of looming up in their faces to scare them, which is really pretty funny.

Now I get to admit that even though I deplore the tactics of those girls (if you're going to act frightened--and those guys CAN definitely be creepy--then at least do it believably or something!), I kinda wish sometimes that one of those guys leading us into the 'stretching room' would try that on me! LoL! Not that I have ANY idea what I'd do if someone did, but nonetheless I can wish, can't I? Well anyway, Mum and I decided to go to the Haunted Mansion at night, just to see if it was any creepier. We stood in line to get on our 'Doombuggy' (the little car that takes you through the mansion), and there were two guys on the moving walkway watching as the people boarded. The first person is there to make sure that no one falls or pushes or anything, and the second person usually just stares creepily at you as your buggy descends into the actual ride area (hard to explain). As I was situating my stuff on the seat, I glanced up briefly at the second guy and kind of smiled, but immediately looked back down so I wouldn't have to feel embarrassed when all he did was stare stonily at me.

Well, he didn't do that. Mum was laughing from beside me, and when I asked what was going on, she said that the guy had been looking at us with this laughing sort of grin on his face. We both had the feeling that he was going to creep up behind our buggy (the seat backs are really high and sort of curve over your head, like a half shell or something). Mum, however, thought he was going to creep up behind ME (something about the fact that I was younger, though I thought that was silly). But instead he crept up on her side! Mum and I both screamed loudly, and the guy laughed and said, "I was just whistling!"

Okay, I know that sounded totally ridiculous, but that was probably my favorite memory from that trip! Not that anything ever came of it (sure, the romantic side of me would have found it kind of interesting, but it's not like I WANTED something to happen), but...I don't know! I guess you'd have to be me in order to really understand how neat that was! *giggles*

But now I'm back, and for the most part I'm glad! I'd really been missing my friends (well, Janette, Mel, and Tiff mostly), so I was excited to come back and see them! I came back on Friday (the 1st of June), though, and the only person I got to talk to was Janette! Not that that's a bad thing...I think I worded that wrong, LoL! I think I missed Janette the most of all! It probably sounds totally ridiculous to say, because I've never met her in person, but I really consider her to be one of my best friends! We get along so well together, and she's the first person who I haven't gotten offended by when she tells me the truth about my writing or something else! I value her opinions, because I know she'll tell me the truth but won't be mean about it! Hehe...and now that you know more than you wanted to...

I always talk to my diary like it's a real person. Well, I figure someone'll end up coming across this eventually, so I might as well talk TO someone, right? And I always write in my real diary as if I'm talking to someone...I have this poetic notion that someday, long after I'm gone, someone will come across it and read it. And they'll be completely bored, but that's alright.

So now why I'm not so glad to be home. I went online about an hour after getting home, excited to see if any of my friends were online, but there was no one. I checked my email, and what do I find but letters from my family members. My grandmother passed away while I was on vacation, and my aunt was sending me the message both for herself and for my grandfather. Then there was an email from my father, and he was kind enough to try to blame me for the lack of communication between us for the past several months. I guess he can't understand that what he did to Mum and I was bad enough that I haven't really WANTED to talk to him.

I don't usually talk about the situation in my family very often. Mum is always saying that she wished I would talk more and just let it all out, but as soon as I try to explain what I'm feeling, the words just leave me. I could say "I'm angry," or "I'm hurt," or something like that, but then the obvious question would be "Why?" and I wouldn't be able to answer that! But basically, let's just say that I've finally made the decision that I want nothing to do with my father's side of the family. I've never much liked them anyway -- they're very snobby people, and prone to judging others when they have no right to. And before this whole divorce mess happened, Mum and I let two of my relatives live under our roof while they sorted out their problems (this was two different instances, not at the same time, hehe)! And yet they have the AUDACITY to sit back and try to say that Mum's being the bad guy in all of this? And my aunt tried to say that she loved me and all of this...okay, so then where was she when I was sitting here in the house freezing during the winter because Dad had stopped the gas company from delivering fuel? Didn't even get a CALL from her asking whether or not I was okay.

Oh well. I feel better not having any ties with them anymore. I don't need ignorant people like that around me. They never try to get in contact with me unless there's some bad news to tell anyway, so who would want to be around them? And now that I've taken up tons of space, I'm going to stop for this entry. I kind of like this online diary thing! Oo, maybe I'll remember to put an entry in every day now! Hee hee! Later!