Today's rambling: Friction
Written on Saturday, Dec. 27, 2003 at 11:27 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Urgh. I get entirely too worked up over that stupid game to really be playing it.

Anyway, today was a generally crappy day. The phone rang around 12:30 but I knew it was Tim so I didn't answer it. Checking the voicemail a few minutes later, I found out that it was him. However, I was too tired to call back (I stayed up 'til 6 this morning, ee), so I just went back to snoozing. I don't know how long it was before suddenly my cell phone started ringing. Since it was the "Stairway to Heaven" tune, I knew it had to be a call from the same place. And it was, only this time it was Geoff who left the message. As I was listening to THAT voicemail, the regular phone rang again (they love to harass me when they know I'm there sleeping). Just as I picked the phone up, however, I heard the dial tone, which meant voicemail had picked up.

So I called him back. When Geoff answered, I just said "What??" in this teasingly impatient way.

"Fine, goodbye," he said somewhat snappishly. I should have just hung up then, but I laughed and asked him what he'd wanted. I forget his exact reply, but it was something to the effect of, "Nothing, goodbye."

In his mind, he was probably just joking. I dunno, he's odd sometimes. At any rate, after that I tried talking a little bit but I didn't really know what to say. Finally, Geoff asked if I was going with them or not.

"Going where?" I asked.

"To the...food place," he replied. After a pause, he was like, "Oh wait, it's food, I forgot."

My picky eating habits have become a subject of much teasing with Geoff and Tim. Geoff's the only one who says things like, "Oh, I forgot, you don't like food" or something like that, but they'll both tease me by saying that maybe a certain restaurant will have ravioli (which they seem to think is the only food I will actually eat). Normally, I take the teasing good-naturedly, but sometimes just the way Geoff says "Oh, I forgot, it's food" really irritates me. It makes me feel as though he's somehow above me, and I guess maybe it's the whole age difference coming through, or maybe it's just his personality. Geoff's personality is such that he cannot be wrong. You can argue that all men are like this (or all people, period), but he just seems to take it to the extreme. And he tends to get rather shirty if someone decides to tease him. These two traits tend to grate on me sometimes.

But anyway. I get very nervous eating in front of people, and it's only barely veiled around the guys. The last thing I need is for them to find out about this particular quirk of mine! So yeah, I've gotten to the point where I can eat in restaurants (or even at their apartment), but for some reason the idea of a buffet (which is where they had been planning on going) made me insanely nervous. I guess part of that is the fact that you have to stand up and walk around, which brings out my "Oh my gosh, I'm drawing attention to myself by standing, I just want to be invisible" self. I've mentioned before that I'm shy, and my self-esteem isn't so high, either. So at any rate, I know I'm digressing a lot, lol!

I told Geoff that I didn't think I wanted to go. I think this is the first time I've ever said "No, I don't want to hang out" to him! His reaction was, "Fine, bye, here's Tim."

He just handed the phone over to Tim! No, "Okay, that's fine, some other time" or anything like that! Just a curt, "Fine, bye"! What was up with that? Of course, Tim tried convincing me to go, but I said no because I was in a bad mood and didn't want to go. "So you two have fun; you can make fun of me while you eat." The last sentence was said after I thought I'd heard Geoff say something in the background about me not wanting to go because it was food (turns out, he hadn't actually said that...but I was still irritated). Tim was like, "Whoa!" and after a moment repeated what I'd said to Geoff, who replied, "Okay."

Maybe it's just my imagination thinking that he's been a bit more waspish about things that I do or say. He's always been the sort who'll say what he thinks, and doesn't try to tone it down or anything like that. It's just that for the most part, he and I tend to think alike so I haven't really been the target of his stinging retaliations. I'm one of those sensitive types to begin with, and I'm sure I'm blowing it out of proportion. But I don't know, mixed in with my anger was a good dose of hurt, and at this point I don't want to have anything to do with them for awhile. If Geoff wants to talk, he can call me.

Oh well. I guess this kind of stuff keeps things interesting. Goodness knows I wouldn't want somebody so insipid that no waves were ever made! I'm grateful that he's an independent sort, the kind who doesn't hang on everything I say, I'm just not used to being in a situation with so much friction! *chuckles*

Actually, this kind of thing seems to be happening often of late. Not just between Geoff and I, but with friends and family, too. Maybe it's not so much the fact that some black cloud has suddenly decided to drift over my head; maybe my personality is finally changing, and as a result some kind of personality 'plate tectonics' thing is happening. That's an interesting thought...

Mom is of the opinion that Geoff and Tim, in a way, are kind of vying for my attention...she was excited beyond measure when I told her of Geoff's snappy behavior today because, from her experience, that sort of reaction is a sign of his caring for me (because if he hadn't cared that I didn't want to go, he'd have just said "Oh, okay, maybe next time."). I don't know whether I agree or not. To me, he was just being mean. And I'm so irritated at him that I don't even want to think about any fond feelings being there!

So I think I'm just going to go to my room and finish the rest of The Pythons. I'm wearing my cozy, fuzzy socks that Mom bought me for Christmas, so for the first time in ages my feet aren't cold. I feel quite comfy, other than that unsettled, 'Things aren't right in my world' feeling. But I suspect that'll go away in a few days. And if it doesn't, my Python DVD set will be arriving so I'll just watch that instead. :P