Today's rambling: Pheromones. That's definitely it.
Written on Sunday, Nov. 09, 2003 at 11:17 p.m.
while feeling a bit

So I'm back at college, and computerless again. Right now, I'm using my roommate's laptop while she finishes reading for one of her classes. Of course, I ought to be doing homework as well. But I'm so depressed that I don't feel like doing anything except curling into a little ball and staying like that for awhile.

I'm not really sure why I feel like this, unless it's lingering effects from Friday's dermatologist appointment. I slept that day away, and by Saturday I felt basically back to normal...but today I've just been grouchy--and now depressed. Maybe it's because I had to come back here. Goodness knows this place has been a downer in itself. At times such as this, I seriously wish I could just drop out and go back home. But, as both Geoff and Mom keep reminding me, if I quit now it's back to working at grocery stores for the rest of my life. Forget all the potential I might have; without a degree, I'm not goin' anywhere.

The other option is to find a college closer to home, so I could visit more often. But that route brings problems of its own. First, if I moved too close to home, I'd probably be more interested in hanging out with Geoff than doing my homework. Not that I'm doing it now, but I'd be even less inclined if I was that close to home. And the second, more important reason is that I would definitely miss all the friends I've made up here. It's not as though I wouldn't be able to make more friends, but it wouldn't really be the same. So I don't know. Maybe after this semester is over, I'll feel better. Or maybe after the year is over, heh...I'm going to have to work again next semester, but I definitely plan on getting a job over the summer, so that if I have to work again next year, it'll only be for a minimum number of hours. With more time for myself, that'll have to take away major amounts of stress, right? After all, I wasn't this stressed last year...

Why is AIM not working for me? I tried AIM Express, and finally I signed Kristen off (she gave me permission, hehe) and tried regular AIM...and still nothing works! The universe is against me today.

Geoff and I spent an hour yesterday on the phone watching an episode of that 80's thinger on VH1. Mom made fun of us. :P What, it's not normal to watch TV with someone on the phone? *chuckles*

Sometimes, I ask myself why I'm still going after this guy. It's been, what? About two years since this past October? I can't even remember now! And yet nothing has happened. Oh, our friendship has taken leaps and bounds from when we first met 'til now, but beyond that I haven't got much of anything. So it seems a little strange that I should still be hanging on after this long. Yet whenever I imagine myself with some younger guy that I've met on campus, I get this "Ugh!" reaction. Sometimes at first, I can kind of imagine being with them, but that's usually right at the beginning when all I see is the cuteness. :P After that, I realize that we have nothing in common and why would I want that? I know that's not a sign that I'm completely in love with Geoff and am meant to spend the rest of my life with him, but it's still something. How could I be with anyone else if my thoughts still dwell so much on him? Wouldn't really be fair to the other guy, would it?

*grrs* That darned man, absolutely ruining my love life! *rolls around laughing* As if I had a love life to begin with! The fact that this is as close as I've gotten since I was 17 is saying something...especially as my brief fling at 17 is hardly anything to be bragging about.

Y'know what I think the problem is? I think he's just got excess pheromones. Yep, he's just over-producing them and they drive me crazy whenever I'm around him. That's exactly what's wrong.

XP

Why is it that some girls have such luck with guys? It's not that I want to have a string of men on my arm; on the contrary, I'd rather just have one. Maybe it's because I only want one that I'm having so much trouble. I'm sure if I went out and partied a little more, I'd be able to pick up someone. Right?

But that's not my bag, baby.

Oo, speaking of that...Geoff bought a Jimi Hendrix DVD, so we watched that last night...in addition to two episodes of "Monty Python's Flying Circus" and Pink Floyd's "Live at Pompeii" (heehee, THAT was interesting...a concert for no one...). It was kind of funny to see the wild clothes that Jimi and his band wore. How great would that be if we all still dressed like that? Well, most of you are probably out there thinking "NOOOOO, thank you!" but if you lived back then, those clothes would've been cool. :P Actually, it was just neat to see because if some guy wore those sorts of things now, we all know how he'd be labeled. And yet, back then it was accepted...well, by the younger generation! *sighs* I was definitely born in the wrong decade.

Tim sent me a card, which arrived up here while I was at home. >_< I was afraid I'd open the envelope to see a nekked man on the front or something, but instead the card's front was filled with an image of marijuana leaves...and the inside had a message about how the new food guidelines say that we should have 6 servings of leafy greens (or something to that effect). Tim then wrote, "Just wanted to say High!" *giggles* It was amusing. I'd hang it up, but I'm afraid of what my roommate would say! :P

Wheee! Dustin Diamond is going to be here on Wednesday! Hehe...I was the biggest "Saved By The Bell" geek when I was younger. I watched that show religiously, and of course I had a crush on Zack...but even though I'm over that embarrassing phase, I'm still excited to see little old Screech, hehe...

Anyway, I'm going to go now. I don't feel like doing much of anything, but there's a scrapbook page I started and need to finish...and there's a freshly-made bed there, ready for me to lay in...I should choose the latter option. After all, it's after 11 o'clock and I've got lots of wonderful classes to participate in tomorrow... *sniffles*

Your soul is bound to the White Rose: The
Pure.

"I've been waiting in the dark for a long
time, shining my beacon of hope through the
shadow. If you see me, don't you hide your
eyes from me."

The White Rose is associated with purity, honor,
and chastity. It is governed by the goddess
Artemis and its sign is The Cross, or Agape.

As a White Rose, you are a person of your word.
You may have a strong moral code, but
regardless of your virtue, you always stay true
to yourself. To you, love is the most pure of
emotional forms and it's just a matter of
waiting for it to bless you. Some people may
say you are too idealistic, but it's only
because you don't want to mess things up.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
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