Today's rambling: Can't explain it
Written on Thursday, Oct. 09, 2003 at 4:03 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Mom had a divorce hearing today, and Dad actually had to be there for it. To the best of my memory, this is the first time they've seen each other in...three years, I think? I was nervous for her, and I'm sure she was nervous as hell. Dad hasn't exactly been kind in recent years.

So I'm walking down to the Comm building to work for 2 hours, and I decided to fish my cell phone out of my schoolbag. There was a voicemail waiting from Mom, and since I was eager to find out what happened, I of course listened to it.

And eventually stopped dead in my tracks. Right there in the middle of the parking lot.

I called Mom about 10 minutes later so she could elaborate on the message, and I started bawling. She finally went up and talked to Dad, telling him about me and blah blah blah...

And he wanted to talk to me, too.

He told her about how he'd saved the message I made back on 9-11 (the original day), and at the end of the day he'd shut his office door and listen to it...and then one day they had a problem with their phone system, and the message got erased and he was so upset! And while he was telling Mom this, he got kinda watery-eyed again! I'm starting to cry again just relating the story. My father NEVER cries. I have never seen him cry in my life, and there have been times when I've wondered if he's capable of any emotion at all. But to know that he'd saved that message, and thought of me all this time...oh man, way to make myself cry again!

He's paying for my tuition, too. All of it. And he said he'd pay for me if I wanted to do a graduate degree, too.

I just want to curl into a little ball again and cry my eyes out. Mom gave him my phone numbers, and he said he'd call, but I don't know what I'll say. I want my Daddy back.

Excuse me while I go bawl shamelessly now...