Today's rambling: Well it's about time!
Written on Thursday, Aug. 28, 2003 at 9:40 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I'd found out at last night's exec board meeting that one of the shows on Saturday was now open because the girl (Jess S. I'll call her, to differentiate) couldn't do it anymore. That's the shift that she and Pam had done last semester, except Jess S. hardly ever showed up toward the end because she knew Pam would be there. So Pam tried getting that shift for THIS year, but for some reason Jess still wanted it! Pam didn't get a show in the end, so she and I were going to be cohosts.

Well. Being excited for Pam because of this new opportunity, I called her up today and told her about the opening. She talked to Bill, and now she's got the Saturday show...which means she's not cohosting with me anymore. I guess in a way that's good, because I'll be able to do my own thing and whatnot, but it would have really been nice to have someone there sometimes. It gets boring doing a show all by oneself! Don't get me wrong, I think radio's fun--though I'm terrible at it--but it's more fun when I've got someone there to converse with. Pam came by tonight and thanked me again, and I thought all was going to go well until she insulted my Led Zeppelin poster and then, after looking at the pictures of Geoff that I have on my desk, said something like, "Well, he's nice. He's not hot..." Ugh. I know he doesn't fit the common definition of 'hot'! He's cute and he's cuddly, and he shares my interests and he's practically got my personality. I'd never call him HOT, yet for me there's still something rather sexy about him. I'd never expect anyone to share those views, but I get so IRRITATED when Pam feels the need to insult various things that I care about! She's always making fun of my music choices, and if I was the same sort of person I'd turn around and tell her that the music she listens to is rather shitty, too. But I don't.

Anyway, that's not what I feel like talking about. The only reason I mentioned it was because she just left about 5 or 10 minutes ago, and I'm still feeling irritated about it. Most of the time I like Pam, but there are aspects of her personality that really grate on me.

Actually, this year I really don't feel like having a social life at all. Maybe part of it's because of some lingering, floofy depression that I'll get over in a couple of weeks, but to be honest, I could sit here in my room whenever I'm not at class and be alright with that. I don't want to go hang out with people, I don't want to go to meals...The only two people (well, 3) that I don't mind seeing at this point are Jess (the one in my Cast List), Kristen, and Amanda. And no, I didn't list Amanda just because she reads this diary, LOL! I haven't seen her much at all since we got back, and she was my best friend last year so I miss seeing her around! But I still don't feel like going out and doing anything social. What I feel like doing is working. Not homework, but other things.

After class today, Jess and I walked down to the Comm office because she wanted to ask about the work-study position she'd tried to apply for last semester. The secretary apparently forgot about that, so she had Jess write her name and number down because some professors are looking for assistants. "I don't suppose there'd be more than one spot open?" I inquired, smiling hopefully. The secretary told me to put my name down just in case. They look at QPA and stuff like that when picking assistants, and I've got a 3.9! And I'm a sophomore, and I got A's in both my Comm classes last year, so hopefully someone will want me? If I can't find a job there, I'll be jobless this semester (at least) because there is NOTHING on campus and I don't really have the time to get a job off of campus. So everyone keep your fingers crossed for me! :)

Jess and I went to the TV station's general meeting tonight. Considering the small number of people we have at the radio station, I'd assumed there'd be maybe 20 new people. Wrong. Studio B was completely packed with people, and my heart just sank. I was reminded of my junior year when I moved back to Pennsylvania and tried to get involved with my high school's TV crew (after having so much fun in MA). The crew had been so large that there was no guarantee I'd even get to do anything, and so I just quit. I thought the same thing was going to happen here, and my hopes sank even further when Bill announced that there were going to be new shows and stuff this year. Well, I shouldn't have gotten all discouraged over that, it's just that I'd been thinking my ideas might already have been taken. But none of them were.

The amusing thing was to sit back and look at all the people who were assembled. There is such a difference between those interested in the TV field and those interested in radio, because TV people are all those perfect, 'beautiful people'. In radio, what matters is your voice and your personality so you don't tend to find so many attractive people there (though our new station manager is soooooo good-looking). When one of the girls on the Exec Board asked who was interested in being an anchor, of course all the perfect girls raised their hands. I just stood in the back of the room and grinned to myself. Meanwhile, after each person was done introducing their department and what it did, we separated into groups based on what we were interested in. Jess and I followed the people in charge of the technical crew.

As I stood there listening to the guy, and looking around the expansive TV studio, I can't even explain the feeling that came over me. I felt like I was back in that Massachusetts high school, coming down to the studio in the afternoon and helping out wherever I could. Excitement ballooned in my chest, and I felt like demanding that they let me start practicing immediately! One of the guys reminded us that we might not start out doing what we want to do, and in my mind I cried out, "I want to do everything!" It sounds so pathetic, but I really just want to do absolutely everything there is to do! I want to learn all the technical stuff, I want to try my hand at directing or producing something, I'd even like to try out being a news anchor or a weather person...EVERYTHING! I'm so angry at myself for not joining the crew last year (especially since, apparently, there were very few new folks there). TV was definitely my first love, but the only reason I decided to do the radio station first was because I'd never tried it before. I could have done both, but it was my first year and I was afraid I'd do too much all at once. But this year I'm going to be down at that TV station as much as I can. Considering I don't plan on having a real social life, it's not like I'll be missing out on anything!

Oh, man, I am so excited for next week. The crew is supposed to get split up into Monday-Wednesday and Tuesday-Thursday people, but he asked if there was anyone who was willing to do every day. I'm totally there. The only reason that Wednesdays might be difficult for me is because every other Wednesday is radio meeting day...but we meet in Studio B, so I'm like right there! I definitely picked the right major. Yeah, most of the upper level classes are going to be boring as dirt, but I'm doing just about everything that I want to do! I really hope that I can do at least most of everything I want to within the TV station. I was thinking about talking to Bill about it tomorrow, but he's such a scatterbrain that he probably wouldn't be able to say much. :P LOL, I can't help thinking that if he saw me tonight, he was thinking, "I see this girl everywhere! Get her out of my face!" Hehehe...I see him at the radio station, I see him in class every Tuesday and Thursday, and now I'll be seeing him at the station...He's either going to love me or hate me by my senior year. ;)

I think I might just quit the NBS (which stands for National Broadcasting Society, Cathie *grins*). The only reason I'd really wanted to stick with it is because I'd had some creative ideas for fundraising. I wasn't all that interested in going to the conventions or anything like that, so I might as well just leave and let those two morons play games between themselves. I'll laugh my ass off if they can't get anybody to join! It'll serve 'em right, too. I was going to start recruiting this week, before this whole stupid mess began, but now I'm not going to do anything at all. I'm still debating on whether or not to go to the first meeting and just see what happens. Maybe I'll hand over the stupid folder from last year and leave. Urgh...I saw Misty tonight at the meeting and just wanted to lunge at her and beat the crap out of her. She was standing there with this way-too-dark lipstick on and an expression on her snooty little face that was akin to J.K. Rowling's description of Narcissa Malfoy: it seemed as though there was something unpleasant-smelling right under her nose. Oh, but I detest her! I can't wait until she graduates!

In the meantime, I'm going to think happy thoughts about the TV crew. ^_^ I can't wait 'til I call Geoff tomorrow and tell him the good news! And all of the bad, of course, because I like to try to get him to comfort me. *chuckles*

Ashley and I attempted to work out math problems tonight, but we only got a couple of them. I decided that since I figured out the mistake our dingbat professor made (telling us page 287 instead of 787), it would be a good idea to just attempt those problems. We did good on the first 3 or 4, but the last 3 were really difficult. Ashley called in one of her friends, who used to be a Math major, but even she was having problems! We figured out one of them, and I think I know how to do it but I'm going to make the professor explain it tomorrow anyway, but then the second-to-last took us forever. The girl found what formula we had to use, but it wasn't 'til about 5 minutes later that I realized why we were getting the wrong answer. I'm going to get the professor to explain that one, too. The odd part of it all is, as hopeless as I feel about Math, it's still fun in a way to sit there and try to figure the stuff out. I feel so accomplished at the end.

I just don't like the process of sitting there and working it out. ;)

OH! On one last note, I should be getting my laptop by Saturday or Monday (depending on when the Campbell people decide to send a note up to my mailbox)! YAYNESS! :D