Today's rambling: Accomplished...and not
Written on Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2003 at 4:42 a.m.
while feeling a bit

I was rereading my Cast List, thinking that I might have to change a few things around (Geoff should SO not be under the "Work Category" anymore!), and I read this little snippet about Toad: "...but he's not actually a member of the band. He's more like the circus freak who keeps the rowdy fans occupied 'til the soundcheck's over." Oh, I know that's meaner than I needed to be, but when I read it I cracked up! I'd forgotten about even adding that little part, but the term 'circus freak' always makes me giggle for some reason. Kinda like 'pygmy farmers', only that term actually needs to be used in something for it to be funny...

So now, a couple of hours later, I have reorganized the Cast List and changed a few mini profiles so that they're not outdated anymore. I also moved my Cliques and Diaryrings links to the 'Extras' page, since that's where they belong anyway. I might actually make a link for 'Reviews', but that's going to have to be held off for a few days or so. Ahhh, I love this accomplished feeling!

If only I could have felt like that earlier today. I hadn't any intention of going out to practice parking today, figuring that I've been doing so well and I've got Wednesday and Thursday still. Well, Mom pretty much forced me out, which ended up being a really bad idea. Why won't she just listen when I say I don't want to do something? As it turned out, I think I parallel parked correctly twice. Other than that, I parked too shallowly a couple times, then turned in too far once...and I'm embarrassed to admit that I actually threw a small tantrum at that point. I always get confused with which way to turn the wheel when I'm going in reverse, and so I had Mom beside me going, "Okay, straighten out your wheel now," and "turn this way" and blah blah, and so on top of being frustrated that I'd done the whole thing wrong, her nattering in my ear was making the entire situation even worse! I finally gave up on trying to park correctly that time, but I couldn't pull out of the little spot without hitting one of the cone/cylinders! So I kept backing up, and Mom kept stating the obvious ("you're not going to make it out") so finally I just half-screamed and...I can't explain it, it's a hand thing I do when I get frustrated. I somehow managed to get out of the parking spot and Mom snapped, "Fine, let's just go home."

She proceeded to tell me that I was never going to make it in life if I let little things like this frustrate me, and I snapped, "Well you do." Of course, she denied that she ever lets little things fluster her, but I beg to differ. Still, I wasn't about to push the subject. I just felt like slapping duct tape over her mouth so she'd stop talking. That was the main thing that had put me in my frustrated state...and that unneeded "never make it in life" comment was...well, unneeded!

I ended up making a U-turn and going back to the parking place, out of spite more than anything else (I'd been kind of hoping that she'd be like, "What are you doing?" or something else that could allow me to say "I'm in control of the car right now" or something equally bitchy). Stayed only long enough to practice two more times, and the first time I still didn't really get it--I made too shallow a turn-in and wasn't within the lines. The second time, I got in but didn't even glow over it like I would have done yesterday. So I just pulled out of the spot and angrily drove home, not responding when Mom complimented my nice turn and later my perpendicular parking job. I handed her the keys, went to my room, and listened to a CD...then fell asleep until about 11:30.

It's stupid of me to get so flustered over something like that, I know. But I always get that way when I'm already irked about one thing and then someone else is there trying to give advice. If I'd just been by myself, I would have been irritated with myself but calm enough to just pull out of the spot and try again. But Mom was there jabbering stuff in one ear, and I was trying to think, so in the end I had this overwhelming urge to shout, "SHUT UP!" That, of course, wouldn't have gone over too well.

Ugh, I shouldn't have even rehashed this because now I'm feeling cranky and frustrated again. I'll just have to make myself think of something else.

I put the material for my second skirt into the washer tonight when I woke up, thinking that I'd get it all nice and preshrunk so that I can start on it tomorrow (well, later today, technically). Remembering how much the first skirt's fabric had unraveled at the cut edges when I washed it, I decided to try something different with this fabric...and so I pinked the edges ('pinking' means to cut the edges with shears that have zigzag blades. It's supposed to stop all that raveling stuff from happening). I guess maybe that was the wrong thing to do? Either that, or this fabric is just really crappy. Either way, when I pulled the fabric out of the washer there were WADS of unraveled, tangled threads at each of the cut ends. I actually stood there in shock for a minute, wondering if there'd even be enough material to get both skirt pieces cut out! If it ravels that much now, it'll obviously do the same thing after I've gotten the skirt put together. Apparently, pinking the edges is not the way I should finish these seams. Oh, for a serger...

I found my first-ever paper diary the other night, and it was fun (and rather embarrassing) to read over those entries. I'd gotten the thing as a present from one of my friends, and that was back in 1989. However, those first few entries were nothing more than silly, "Today Alex and I did blah blah" entries. Funnily enough (to me), there was one where I mentioned that she and I had gone with Mom to a grocery store...the very same company that I would later be working for (and where I'd meet Geoff, sigh! lol). I'd end up working with one of the guys that was at that particular store, too, though he was just a clerk back in '89 and he's a department manager now. Still, it just seems kind of weird. Can you imagine if Geoff had been working there, instead of the warehouse, and I'd met him? He was 20 or 21 in '89, when he first started working for the company, and I was in 3rd grade. LOL...the age difference shows up a little more clearly when put in those terms!

The diary lasted until...7th grade or so, I think. Possibly even into 8th. I hadn't really gotten into the habit of journaling at that time (well, in 3rd grade who really DOES journal on a regular basis?). But I was OH so overly dramatic. Every time I had a crush on some boy, it didn't take very long before I was professing my undying love in that diary, and I just cringe now to read that stuff! With one boy, I went so far as to write down "Mrs. So-and-So," LOL! My cheeks are probably pinkening right now, just thinking about that! I know that's a typical pre-teen behavior, but it doesn't make reading those silly entries any easier! I think that diary was the last time I ever wrote about liking people my own age, though...after that, I started going for progressively older men. :P There'd been a guy when I was in 10th grade, and he kind of ran the television station. I was 16 at that time (or almost, anyway), and I don't think he was any older than 24. But I had a terrible crush on him, and at the time I thought the age difference was SOOO big!

And now look at me. *grins*

Tim called me about 15 minutes before eleven o'clock this morning, and started off trying to tease me for still being in bed. I knew he was just being silly, so I didn't get irritated. However, I finally decided that he needed to move on. Soo...

"Tim?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

That got more of a reaction than I'd been expecting, but at least he moved on...after saying that he was planning to go back to bed, too! XP Oh, and then midway through something else he was like, "Ohh, I know why you're still sleeping! You're getting ready for next week!"

Next week is the Jethro Tull concert, of course. Squee!

Tim inquired as to what kind of alcohol I wanted him to bring for me, lol...I just suggested Baja Luna, which is this REALLY tasty, creamy, raspberry-flavored tequila. I can't do more than 2 shots of it, because after that the alcohol taste starts overpowering the raspberry flavor, but it's still really good! Mom says she can't even taste the alcohol in it, but then again, she drinks a little more than I do.

Bleargh...it's 20 minutes before 5 am, and I really ought to be saying "Bed Time!" But Jam is here, and I haven't gotten to talk to her in several days so I don't really want to leave yet! On one closing note, though (because this entry really HAS gotten to be quite long), someone left a message in my guestbook inviting me to apply to be a reviewer for her (and another girl's) diary review place! I applied, after looking around, but who knows if I'll actually be accepted. Even if I'm not, though, I was surprised--and flattered--that anyone had actually asked me! I've harbored thoughts of having my own review site before, but knew I wouldn't really be able to do it on my own. And I've never had the courage to actually request to be a reviewer, so just to be asked out of the blue like that...it was really neat! Gives me that warm fuzzy feeling. ;)