Today's rambling: I dare you.
Written on Friday, Jun. 20, 2003 at 2:24 a.m.
while feeling a bit

My days are so boring and uneventful. I dare any one of you to try and beat me out for uneventfulness. If anyone CAN beat my record...well, I'll feel better 'cause it'll mean I'm really not that dull after all. ;)

Today's only interesting event occurred at about 9 o'clock this evening. The phone rang. Heehee...The interesting part of all this was that it was Geoff. I'd expected it to be Tim. Actually, I thought it was going to be Adrienne 'cause both her number and theirs comes up as "Blocked" on the Caller ID. But after I realized that it couldn't be Adrienne because she was already in bed, I figured it would be Tim. So I was more than a little surprised to hear Geoff on the other end of the line.

I feel bad talking about happy, love stuff when I know that my dear friend Lolabeans is over there in Arizona not-so-happy. If you should decide to ignore me for awhile, I won't hold it against you. ;) *huggles*

I'm getting to the point now that when I talk to him I don't even worry about holding back most things. I used to keep certain thoughts to myself, thinking that if I said them I'd end up scaring him away. But come on: he didn't act at all weird after I told him I liked him, and he knows I still do, so what harm can it do to keep blatantly letting him know? :P Unless he actually says "Amber, I don't like you that way," I'm just going to be merciless. Hehehe...

Anyway, we talked for around 3 and a half hours, and...I don't know. I'm always saying "it was lovely" or whatever, but I can't think of any other way to describe it! I just adore talking to him. Maybe it's the voice. It's all low and rumbly... ^_^

I can't think of anything else to say. That is exactly how boring my day was. The only particular highlights of my phone conversation are going in my paper diary...because there are just some things you like to savor without anyone else being privy to the knowledge. ;) It doesn't mean I don't love you, Diary...But of course you understand.

My doctor's appointment is tomorrow...or today, actually. I should have been in bed ages ago, but of course I didn't wake up 'til this afternoon so I'm not tired. It is entirely TOO easy to go back to nocturnal habits. I was doing so well with normal bedtimes at college that my friends were calling me "old woman". : Hey, I can't help it if I need more sleep than the average human being! I think I'm like Marn's cats, needing 22 1/2 hours of sleep every day. Sleep just feels so goooood. And until I find something else that feels just as good, I'm going to continue sleeping a lot. ;)

I'm sorry, but Peanut Chews just are not good. Yuck. I don't know what possessed me to just eat that last one, but it was sitting here by my computer so I guess it tempted me by at least looking palatable.

Oo...speaking of food, though, I found out that at least Geoff isn't irritated by my finicky eating habits. :P I've been nervous that my behavior gets on my nerves, but when I confessed as much to him tonight, he said it didn't irritate him...and thankfully, he's the sort of person that doesn't really tell small lies to make people feel better. If my pickiness irritated him, he would have let me know. So I feel better now, hehehe...

Okay, I'm going now. By this time tomorrow, I'll have a new physical form all filled out, and I'll hopefully have some medication for my ear. Who knows when I'll get to take my permit test, however, because Mom can't seem to find my birth certificate. Oh...there we go. I knew there was something else I wanted to talk about. Just wish it was a better note to end things on, heh...

I haven't necessarily "gotten over" the whole episode from a few nights ago, but I figure it's better to just stop dwelling on it than to stay so upset. I think in some perverse way, Mom thinks that hiding her relationship with Toad from me is somehow being nice to me. And sure, I don't want to hear about him. I've been wishing for months that he would suddenly cease to exist (y'know, like disappear into some strange time-space vacuum). But sneaking around deteriorates trust, which she apparently doesn't get. Or maybe she's not giving me very much credit by thinking I won't notice. Because earlier tonight she went out to talk on her cell phone, and when she came back in she said something like, "Talk to you later, sis, hope you feel better. Love you." She and Adrienne call each other "sis" all the time, but she NEVER says anything about "love you". Aaaaaaand, she never ever uses that cell phone to call Adrienne, unless I'm using the phone line or we're out somewhere. Toad is the only one she ever talks to on that phone. And then, maybe an hour or so later, she picked up the main phone and said she was going to call Adrienne back finally (because Adrienne had called earlier that evening). I was so close to saying, "I thought you were just talking to her," but I didn't. I just hate to start conflicts! It would be one thing if we were already kind of wearing thin on each other, because then I'm of that "Well, who cares if I add one more thing to this?" persuasion. But when we're getting along, and she's happy and everything, I just hate to make things all stormy and awkward between us. Especially as she has this habit of not talking to a person for DAYS if she gets angry enough at them. She's done that to me...twice, I think, and she's done it to Dad quite a bit. I'm the sort that, yes, will cease talking for a few hours, or possibly for the rest of the day if it's bad enough. But after that, I sort of tentatively start coming around again. My temper is SHORT, but thankfully if vented somehow, it doesn't last very long.

I know there's nothing about this to necessarily make Mom angry enough that she'd just stop talking to me...assuming I come about it in a calm and questioning manner, as opposed to the "in your face" method I'd been speaking of in previous entries. In thought, it seems so easy to just go up to her and say, "Mom, why are you sneaking around like this? I know what's going on, and it hurts..." In practice, however, I'd never be able to do it. I was THIS close to bringing it up this evening when she told me to come outside and talk to her (she's always asking me to come out with her while she sits on the porch, though I don't do it as often because I always end up getting irritated). But again, I chickened out.

I promise, though: if I observe one more instance of her "sneaking" (amusingly enough, she's not doing a very good job if I'm finding out about it), I'll confront her. Not in a hostile way, but I'm sure I won't handle it very well, either. Most likely, before I can even get anything out I'll start bawling. I cry at just about anything. But I'll do it. Because the air needs to be cleared. I'm sorry if I'm making her out to be a horrible person, because she really is one of the most wonderful people I know. My mother is the sort of person that would give that proverbial shirt off her back if someone needed it. But everyone has their faults, and I really DO think that the sneaking around is some twisted way of preventing my feathers from ruffling...because admittedly, any time his name is mentioned, my attitude completely changes. That name has been tainted, hehe...and it's sad, because Geoff's oldest brother is named Charles. XP

I had another story from tonight that I was going to relate here, but as I wrote it out I realized that I couldn't remember enough particulars to have it make any sense...and so I had to delete it. I know you're all cheering weeping, but rest assured that there'll probably be plenty of other stories for you to wade through later. ;) Before saying goodbye, Geoff said, "Sooo, talk to you tomorrow?" He tacked on a "or whenever," but I always like hoping that maybe he will call again tomorrow. I'm hopelessly optimistic that way. ;)

(Oo, and by the way...*huggles Megan* We've never even met, but you're such a great person! ;)