Today's rambling: Wake-up call!
Written on Friday, May. 09, 2003 at 6:46 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I just completed my second scrapbook page, which is a bunch of various Clarion thingies, and it made me think back to the beginning of the year. I remember how, right before Orientation, I was really excited and couldn't wait to go...but then once I got there I was so scared. Things didn't look at all like I'd imagined them to, and all those people that were the same age as me...I've already expressed my anxiety around people who are my age.

Hehe...This campus is so hilly, and I wasn't used to walking so much, so midway through the first day my legs were trembling so badly that Mom thought I was going to faint! The heat didn't help, either. >_< But I survived both days (although I got hopelessly lost trying to find Becker Hall)! I met my foil, Cynthia, at this weekend orientation, too. But on the other hand, I also met Lauren, Kevin, and Miranda. And while Lauren might not be one of the best friends I've ever made, it was through her that I met Amanda...so it all evens out in the end. ^_^

It's just sort of funny how quickly things change. If I sit here and think about it, I can still vividly remember those first few weeks of classes, how new and fresh everything was to me and how my first taste of freedom was both delicious and terrifying. My favorite memories (speaking in sensory terms) are those early mornings when I walked to my first class of the day. The air was still heavy with dew, the sun was still rising, and all the trees were gorgeous and green.

Now, I walk that same path and kind of zone out everything around me. Becker Hall, which gave me so much trouble to find--twice!--is now so easy to get to that I could almost do it with my eyes closed (though I'd end up falling down the stairs or getting hit by a car, both of which would suck). I've also gained a lot of confidence here, though of course I'm still a bit shy and awkward in certain situations! It has nothing to do with my being quiet; I think I'll be quiet all my life. What I'd like to do is eliminate the 'shy' part, hehe!

So there's my bit of reminiscing. We can cue the wavy lines and come back to the present...

Ever had one of those days where certain people--even people that you love to death--just really irritate you? Today was one of those days for me. It was also one of those days where you suddenly wake up and think, "Oh my gosh, I actually liked him at one point?" Now that we know I'm talking about Kevin...ha ha :P

It's not that I hate him and never want to be around him again. It's just that today he was particularly irritating, and I found I didn't want to hang around him at all. While on the phone with him, he started getting on my case about a particular song I was listening to. Said something about how they didn't have very good diction, and...I dunno, that just got to me. I wasn't aware that all singers (excepting those in choirs and such) had perfect diction. How many songs have you heard where you can't even understand what the person's saying? "Blinded By The Light" is a good example of this. But at any rate, he and I waited for Amanda so that we could all go to lunch at 2. I don't know what was his problem, but it was like he felt this need to instigate trouble at every turn. Well, I have to say that he and Amanda are often getting into arguments (hehe, sorry Amanda!), but today was just pathetic. Amanda finally left--with good reason--and I wish I could have gotten up and left along with her, because I didn't want to be there any longer, either! 'Course, he wasn't trying to start trouble with me. Maybe he just enjoys ticking Amanda off. There are only a few people that seem to find pleasure in pushing my buttons...maybe because once irritated, I stay that way for awhile. Amanda, at least, has that enviable ability to get over her anger and go back to being chums with the perpetrator.

His behavior just made me realize exactly HOW silly it is to have any sort of crush on him. I think just about every girl he comes across gets a crush on him at some point or another, but the only reason they might not get over it is because they don't know him as well as Lauren, Amanda and I do. :P Not to say that he's a terrible guy; there are just some behaviors of his that are sort of unattractive. He's only 19, though, and puberty starts later in guys...so I am therefore led to believe that he has more growing up to do. Hee hee...

I am so bored right now that when Lola spoke of possibly washing and vacuuming out her car, I was actually envious. I haven't been this utterly bored in quite some time! If it wasn't so late, I'd catch the bus and go out to Walmart just for something to do...but assuming the bus is even still running, I wouldn't get back 'til 8 or 9. And that would suck. I ought to be packing or studying, like I promised myself I would, but of course I never follow through with those things. : Actually, I read somewhere that breaking promises to yourself damages your self-esteem. Like, y'know how virtually everyone vows to lose weight as their New Year's resolution? Not going through with it actually damages your self-esteem...or self-worth, one of those things. So maybe I should stop procrastinating and do one of these things. I think I'll opt for studying, as I really don't feel like packing right now! XP