Today's rambling: Girls in a trench
Written on Thursday, Apr. 10, 2003 at 11:56 a.m.
while feeling a bit

So what's happening in the world of Berry? I know some of you *coughAmandacough* are waiting for the soap opera to start up again. I mean seriously, I'm getting to be such a slacker! :P

The maintenance/construction men are digging a very deep, rather long ditch out back. I suspect they're laying pipes. I'm not quite sure why we need them, and I'm terribly curious as to why there's this big deep trench...but I'm not going to go out there and ask them. You just don't go out to big, sweaty, dirty men and ask them why they're digging trenches in the ground.

Maybe that's our trench for Hall Wars. Weep in fear, Ralston, for girls in a trench are a force to be reckoned with!!!

I was so tired this morning that I very nearly skipped History. Had I done so, I would have been able to sleep 'til around 11. That would have been soooooo nice. But I forced myself out of bed...and I actually had to shut my eyes for a few minutes at a time during class because they were burning so badly. I'm really getting behind in the sleep department (and as I'm sure you know, Diary, sleep and I are intimate partners). Last night, I didn't get home 'til about 1 am because I was in Kevin's room playing that computer game with him again. We would have won the darned thing, too, if his computer hadn't froze! *weeps*

Last night, for the first time since I pledged to this sorority, I actually felt completely comfortable. We had a sisterhood at 7, which is basically something that allows the new members to get to know the other sisters. The sisters are split into two teams, so last night there were only about half of the sisters down in the chapter room. My Big came into the room, gave me a big grin, and handed me this stuffed monkey that she'd bought...I was like, "Awwww! How sweet!" I love my Big. Even though we haven't gotten to know each other all THAT well yet, I think she'll turn out to be a kindred spirit. ^_^

I was even comfortable in April and Casey's room yesterday afternoon when I went down (spontaneously!). I'd needed to talk to them, and I figured I'd just stay down there for a couple of minutes and then come back to my room...but they had me sit down and then we kept talking and it was so much more comfortable than when there's tons of people in the room. It was great. I think I need to get to know people first in very very small groups before I'll feel comfortable in a huge group. But at least I'm starting to feel more like I belong. That's what I've been so worried about lately.

In our new member meeting (which came after the sisterhood), we were reading aloud these questions that we'd had to answer and one of them went something like "Is there a sister who is different than you that you'd feel comfortable approaching..." I forget the exact wording, but Sarah had written down that she wanted to get to know me! I was literally put into shock by that. Someone actually wanted to get to know ME? I mean yeah, I have friends so obviously they got to know me and want to get to know me better, but...It's just so weird to think of people that I hardly even know wanting to get to know me more! I felt all warm and fuzzy!

Thankfully, all the sisters know what a biznatch Denise is, and they know that she's making our class project really difficult. I was afraid that only a few girls knew about what a two-faced instigator she was. But they all do. So if things start to fall apart, everyone'll know that it was Denise, LOL! :P

I'm meeting with my French professor in about 20 minutes. Since I missed class on Tuesday, I didn't get to learn about the 'en' and 'dont' pronouns. I know they're relatively easy, but not being in class really hindered me! So I need to go get help. See, Amanda? I'm not a complete egghead! Ha ha ha...

I always feel so self-conscious when she teases me about that, hehe...Not in a "Stop doing that, you're making me upset!" kind of way, but it's just like "You all think I'm smart, but I don't really see myself that way!" My friends keep getting on my case about some of the things I do and the things I complain about (you should hear the way John gets after me in French, lol!), but I never mean them to sound arrogant or anything like that! You know how the Honors folks are always like, "Ohhh, I only got a 19 out of 20!" I'm using that example from Kristen, heh...Anyway, I know I've really started complaining about those sorts of things that, on the surface, look nitpicky. Like with my French exams, I was really upset over my past two scores! And they were 95's! But it's not the grade itself, I'm starting to realize. In high school, I'd be throwing parties if I got this many A's! It's just that I know I can do better. Those 95's came from doing REALLY stupid things (like forgetting to answer a question and losing 4 points from it)! So it's not so much, "Ohh, it's not a 100" as it is "I'm not giving 100%".

I don't know, maybe that still sounds like the same thing. I'm being a lot harder on myself than I should be, I know. This year has just been a fierce competition to prove to myself that I'm not just some kind of slacking loser. The worst of it is, though, I'm not really studying that much to get these grades. And I'm NOT saying that to brag. I don't know if my poor studying skills stem from a photographic memory, or if I'd be this lazy no matter HOW well my memory worked. I see my friends studying like madmen, and meanwhile I spend half my time sitting in front of this little piece of machinery playing Solitaire. And maybe part of my guilt comes from Kristen, because at the beginning of the year she used to REALLY nag me about studying. So I feel like I'm being really lazy by not studying...yet by just taking about 15 minutes to scan notes and things, I can get anywhere from a high B to a high A on tests! And while yes, I won't deny that that's nice, I can't help thinking, "I should be working harder than I am!"

So anyway, for whatever reason I felt like getting all that out. Now I'm going to get my things together and trek over to Davis Hall so I can get some help with 'en' and 'dont'. X_X