Today's rambling: Removed from expectations
Written on Monday, Jan. 13, 2003 at 8:48 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Ummm...I think this entry is going to be sappy. Turn back now if you find you have a weak stomach! Seriously. Just turn around and walk away before anyone gets hurt. ....

Hmm.

I know I shouldn't get all...not upset exactly, but mildly floofy and sad. Just because things aren't progressing in the way I'd like, or even going the way I want them to, I shouldn't let myself get down. Anyway, since I always like to do this I guess I'll do a quick run-through of the day.

As predicted, Geoff was late, but only by half an hour...and he called me a little after 8:30 anyway so it wasn't a huge deal. And again, as with all our little trips we had no real destination; he just picked roads and followed them. We did stop off at a Tower Records, where he bought me "Seventh Sojourn". ^_^ That's what he'd been wanting to buy me before, but I guess none of the stores had it. So yeah, I was happy about that. More Moodies goodness for me!

After that, we just drove around all over the place. I thought we were going to stop at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, 'cause we'd driven past a couple of other museums (not in that area) and he brought up the PMoA and then asked if I wanted to go. I think I'd said yeah, but it was probably one of my usual wishy-washy yes's. I didn't want to go somewhere where we'd have to pay, since I only had $20 on me! We got into a discussion about how much we hated all these "cookie cutter" houses springing up in huge developments, and how we'd rather live in an older house with lots of trees and things around it...actually, he brought it up first and I was like, "THANK you!" because it's the exact sentiment that I have...obviously, I guess, hehe...

We crossed over into New Jersey for awhile and just sort of cruised around there...A few times he kept nudging me with his elbow to get my attention, and then he teased me for my "What're you nudging me for?" response. I'd asked because I didn't know what he wanted me to look at, but I guess I sounded as though I found his nudging to be distasteful, because he kept mocking me with this little disdainful sneer. :P

He smelled soooo good today. Not in that exotic aftershave-y sort of way, but just in a clean, clothes-right-out-of-the-dryer sort of way. I think I've mentioned in here before that with my sense of smell as sensitive as it is, different scents seem to play a bigger role for me than for most people. I know, that sounds dumb, hehe! But anyway, he smelled really good and I wanted to bury my face in his shirt and just inhale. But I guess that would have been kind of weird. :P

There really wasn't much else that happened. We ate dinner at Perkins (Perkin's?), after he teased me for over an hour about our last dinner experience at the Olive Garden ("They don't have ravioli there, you know."). Sitting across the table from him, I got to study the play of light on the red-gold stubble on his face. Y'know how all these women are hot for Aragorn because of his rugged, stubbled sort of look? Yeah, that's my feeling, only replace warrior with grocery guy. ^_^ Oo, and because my fingers are always cold, I flopped my arms across the table and put my hands, palm-down, in front of him. "Put your hands over mine, they're cold!" I ordered, giggling. He did so, rubbing his palms up and down the backs of my hands for a few moments before we both got silly and drew back, laughing.

I'd been kinda hoping that we'd stay out late, but he has to work tomorrow and so we started the voyage back to my place around 5-ish. He took me down the road where his eldest brother (who's apparently QUITE wealthy) lives, but I couldn't see his house because it's way back in the woods. I really didn't want to go home, because I knew all I'd be doing is what I'm doing right now: sitting here in front of the computer, wishing my happy cells had capacity for more than one event at a time. I swear, it's like one event just completely drains them and I'm left feeling sort of wistful and sad. And it's stupid! Shouldn't I be all floating and happy and wanting to tell everybody about my day? Instead, I feel like I'm imposing on people even writing here in my diary, because I'm sure everyone's sick to death hearing about Me And Geoffrey.

Oh well. I'll get over it.

We sat in his car for an hour in the parking lot, listening to various different songs and things. I didn't know that Edgar Winter guy (forget what song he sings) is an albino! :P And so's his brother, Johnny Winter, hehe...Anyway, at one point I got to play with his hair again (he just cut it a couple days ago so it wasn't as nice and thick as usual), and I got the distinct feeling that he would have let me go on doing it...but I was feeling kinda silly just sitting there ruffling his hair. Usually when you do that, isn't it kind of a...well I don't know, invitation or something? LOL...

He finally said he had to leave, so I grabbed up my stuff, thanked him for the CD, and then opened the car door. I had to set my box of leftover food on the ground, and then I turned back for my usual hug. At that point, I did bury my face in his shoulder, exclaiming "It was you that smelled so good!"

"What?" he asked, chuckling a little. I straightened for a minute, then pressed my face against his other shoulder. Hehehe...of course, he had to smell his shirt after that (it was just a loose button-down shirt he'd put on over a regular t-shirt), and then he held out the fabric for me to sniff again. *laughs* I feel like a dog. But I love that clean-clothes smell! Mom and Dad used to give me strange looks because I'd randomly walk up to them and press my face into their shoulders and inhale deeply. :P

But yeah, that was pretty much it. I don't know if I'm going to be working anymore before I go back to college...I think I might work one more day, if possible. I'm just...frustrated, I guess. He knows I like him, and I was totally comfortable keeping the flirting up today. I'd even like to think that maybe, in his own strange way, he was flirting back. Certainly, he's never done some of the things he did today! But I don't know.

I just went out and chatted with Mom for about an hour or so, so I feel a little less bad about things, heh...She understood how you get yourself so worked up about a certain event, and how you develop these certain expectations for how the outing will go...and then the day just flies by and nothing really happens. It was kinda nice having that little chat.

But I still feel rather floofy and bleh. For most of my stories, Mom's response was one of those motherly "Aww!"s, the kind where something (or someone, in this case) is really cute and endearing, yet a little pitiful at the same time. "I really think he has no experience with this kind of thing," she told me. For a moment, she'd made it sound like he was a hopeless case, so I said I didn't want to give up on him. "No," she said, "Always keep him as a friend."

Not exactly what I wanted to hear, as it was an obvious piece of advice; I'd never drop him just because he didn't want to date me! I'd be crushed, for certain, but after a little time I'd be over it. Enough so that I wouldn't want to completely shove him out of my life anyway, hehe...

Anyway, I guess that's about it. I want to go in to work just ONE more time before I leave, mostly to give Geoff a proper good-bye, heh...I really ought to back him into a corner, ha ha :P

By the by, Jethro Tull's "Living In The Past" is a good song. It sounds EXACTLY like something that would be playing in an Austin Powers movie, hehe! Well, the musical bits do, anyway. I don't think his singing would really fit in any of the movies. At any rate, if you want to try something new, go for it. ;)

That's all for me tonight. Sorry about the sappiness; I just got to this diary before my paper one, which meant that all my kinda silly, more private thoughts got poured into here instead of there!

On a side note...being as crappy as I am with creating titles for my entries, I stole todays from another Jethro Tull song:

A million generations removed from expectations
Of being who you really want to be...