Today's rambling: Josh the Jerk
Written on Monday, Dec. 23, 2002 at 11:10 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Remember me saying once (or twice, or thrice...) that Josh is very very ignorant? Here's the latest example for you, just in case you thought I was lying:

Josh: so.... what was on your christmas list?
Me: Nothing, really...I've never really made one of those.
Me: And we couldn't afford anything this year anyway...
Josh: huh? why not?
Josh: are you guys poor or something?
Me: Well...yeah, basically. Thanks to Dad deciding to take all our money and letting the house foreclose and such, it's taking all our money just to put me through college.
Josh: aww
Josh: I'm sorry
Josh: I didn't know

Now granted, I was already irritated with him in general, because I've been trying to do various things and he keeps IMing me with inane babble (no more LOTR rants, thankfully). Otherwise, I wouldn't have been so terse with the "I've never really made one of those" comments. But what was up with the "Are you guys poor or something?"

This is exactly what I mean by him not having a filter between his brain and his mouth. He just doesn't know how to be tactful. Yes, I was offended by that comment, because there was so much condescension behind it! It doesn't bother me that we weren't able to afford a lot of gifts this year--Christmas is more about family (for me) than material posessions--but nonetheless, this year's tree is substantially less packed than in previous years. You can't even imagine the guilt I've been going through, what with all the money going out toward college. Mom keeps telling me that she doesn't care what happens to her, so long as I get through college and can become independent, but how do you think I feel when I hear about all the bills she has to pay, and all the crap she's taking at her job? She can't just up and leave the place because then she'd never be able to pay the bills...and obviously I'm not helping, since I don't have a job of my own. Just last night, Mom burst into tears because of all the stress being put on her, and I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was the one bringing it upon her, and it made me feel so horrible inside. But what can I do? I know I'll make all this up to her someday, but it's just so hard right now!

It makes me feel terrible, and part of me realizes that I shouldn't feel bad because she would have told me if we couldn't afford it. But on the other hand, I know that she wants this so badly for me that maybe she WOULDN'T let me know until we were so far under that nothing would be able to help us. My credit card has over $3,000 on it now from paying tuition every month. Mom tries to pay that off a little bit every other week or so, but how can she when she's got the electric bill, the rent, car insurance, and all sorts of other things to pay?

No, Josh doesn't know all that. I don't make it a point to go up to every person I meet and say, "WE HAVE NO MONEY! WE'RE POOR!" Half the people I told wouldn't really care, and those that do care wouldn't be able to do anything to help me anyway. I'd just be worrying them uselessly, and I'm not the sort of person who likes to do that to my friends. So I keep it quiet. Thus, maybe I was setting myself up for this offense...but at the same time, Josh just doesn't know when to talk and when to keep his great expansive mouth shut.

Anyway, I needed to get that out of my system. I'm okay, really--despite feeling like I was going to cry a few minutes ago, heh--it's just that sometimes (especially with jerks like him) I tend to get a little upset.