Today's rambling: Rationalizing and such
Written on Saturday, Dec. 21, 2002 at 4:52 p.m.
while feeling a bit

The list of people who've linked me as a favorite diary are dwindling again. *chuckles* Not that it's ever been all that high, but every so often (usually when I put up banners) the numbers'll jump up...and then they'll slowly fall away again. I kind of wish we weren't able to see who has us listed as a favorite diary. For a few brief moments I find myself getting jealous of the likes of Marn, whose natural wittiness and interesting entries just draws people in. She could write an entry about dirt (and indeed, she has before!) and turn it into something amusing and interesting. I can take something interesting and turn it into boring dirt. ;)

But then I remind myself that I'm not out here to be popular. Yes, of course that would be a nice bonus, to know that people are actually interested in my life and all...but if I DID have Marn's popularity I'd feel this pressure to make every single entry bubbly and vitally interesting...which would mean that my little girly entries about Geoff would have to go by the wayside ('cause honestly, I know none of you care about my days with him, LOL!). But the whole purpose of a diary is just to get out whatever's on your mind. Yes, the main reason why I decided to get an online diary is because it's kind of therapeutic to vent things and perhaps have people listen and understand. I still use my paper diary for my more private thoughts, but every so often I'll put a personal--and sometimes very opinionated--entry up here because a part of me wants to find people who understand where I'm coming from. So to not have 100+ people listing me as one of their favorite diaries? Sure, it makes me feel a little boring and uninteresting sometimes, but then I always realize that I'm probably better off not being popular! I've had small opportunities to possibly circulate my URL; people have offered to put me on their favorites list if I put them on mine. But why would I do that? It's just cheap, in my opinion. And that's all I have to say about that. *grins*

I was so exhausted yesterday that I went to bed at 7 pm. That gave me exactly 8 hours of sleep, since I had to be up at 3 in the morning again today. X_X Before I get into all that, though, would just like to announce my GPA for this past semester:

3.8 baby, WOOOOOO!

*giggles* I know it's nothing particularly special, but had it not been for that darned Writing class I would have had all A's!! Even so, I've never had such good grades before. Back in grade school, I was happy just to get one or two A's. I'd really really like to try keeping my grades up all throughout college. It's something I feel I can do, one of those little things in my life that I can actually control. :P Some people get eating disorders because they have a desperate need to control something in their life, and I just become obsessed with my grades, hehehe...

Don't expect me to actually study very much, though. ;) Not unless I'm in desperate need of it!

Right. So. Went to bed last night, but instead of being all refreshed and whatnot when I woke up I felt even MORE exhausted than I had the morning before! Part of it was probably all that standing I did (and not being used to it anymore), but it was also because for some reason, I was tossing about a lot last night. I was asleep the entire time, but I guess that little part of the brain that partially paralyzes you during dreams wasn't working for me last night. :P At some point I had a dream that someone had built this weird thing on the bottom portion of my bed, and I was so desperate to see it that I turned my bedside lamp on...literally. I woke up who knows how much later and saw that it was on, then panicked for a couple of seconds because I thought someone had come into my room and turned it on! :P Then later in the night, I woke up briefly to find that I'd turned perpendicular in my bed (if that makes sense)...All in all, I think I was a very active sleeper last night, hehe! So that was probably what had me feeling so tired, because even though I was sleeping, it wasn't very restful.

Blah blah, went in to work and as I walked into the back room I saw Geoff standing by the baler. He waved tiredly to me, and I had to blink a couple of times to make sure he was actually standing there. "What're you doing here?" I finally blurted, taking a few steps toward him. He informed me that he'd had to work overnight, and that he also had to come BACK in tonight to close the store! X_X And then according to his schedule (and Ernie), he's going to be back in tomorrow morning at 9! Poor boy REALLY needs to find a better job. He left 15 or 20 minutes after I came in, and I was absurdly disappointed that I wouldn't be able to see him at all for the rest of the day. :P

What's got me rather ticked now is that the book I ordered for his present isn't expected to be here 'til the 24!! Yes, I know it's very close to Christmas and so everyone and his grandmother has stuff being shipped, but...they shipped my Eddie Izzard DVD on Wednesday and it was here on Thursday! Why couldn't they have shipped the book first...or better yet, shipped them both together? The book was actually shipped yesterday, so I was excited by the thought that a B&N box would be waiting by the door for me today. But no such luck. And I'd been hoping to give it to Geoff tomorrow! *sniffles* I hate it when surprises are ruined!

Josh keeps IMing me and, while I was enjoying talking to him before, now it's just annoying me. I'll start writing a sentence and he'll IM me. Remember me ranting about how frustrated I get when I'm trying to write out a diary entry and people are repeatedly IMing me? That's what's starting to happen here. I don't mind an occasional IM, but I like it to be quiet while I'm writing out my entries! Group chats tend to bug me when I'm writing them, hehe, because everyone's typing at once and I can't just ignore that blinking button down on my taskbar. But I'll get over it, hehe...

He is now ranting about how angry he is that the second LOTR movie was WAY off from the book. Not just minor things were changed, like in Harry Potter. No, the plot of THIS movie was so changed from the book that as he said, "Well, the action and character development was GOOD, but he might as well have the Ring of Power stolen by Barney the dinosaur and have him kill off all the hobbits with nuclear missles, that's how true to the plot it was..." So there you have it. I wouldn't know, as I've never read the books and don't particularly have any interest in doing so (because what little I did read before was very dry and uninteresting). *watches as Emilily starts grr-ing* ;) Even though I don't want to read those books, though, it's still kinda cool that a lot of people read them, instead of reading mindless crap...or worse yet, nothing at all! READ ON! ;)

Grr, Josh just won't shut up, so I'm going to draw this entry to a close. Not that anything interesting was happening in it anyway, LOL! Oo, another grr! He just tried telling me that 'commiserating' wasn't a word!!! *laughs* I know that's not something to get irritated about, but I love vocabulary and so I get irked (for some reason) when people try to contradict me. ;) Darned ignorants. Heehee, just kidding!