Today's rambling: Girls' Day Out
Written on Saturday, Oct. 19, 2002 at 1:25 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Lauren, Amanda, and I are going to the mall today, whee! :P Kevin might be going, too...at least, that's what we'd planned yesterday afternoon. However, he and Amanda got into another one of their squabbles last night, and thus I don't know if he'll be coming along. To be honest, I hope he's not, because clothes shopping will be so much more comfortable if it's just us girls. I don't particularly want to go around looking at clothes with a guy trailing around...and I'd say that HE wouldn't want to do that either, but he'd probably end up being fine with it, to the point where he'd end up suggesting clothes to us. X_X

Last night, we (as in the girls and I) planned a weekend where we're going to go down to Pittsburgh and stay with Amanda. We're going to go see the premiere of the second Harry Potter movie, and then we're going to go to the mall, all sorts of fun stuff. The idea of it being just us girls is great! I seldom get to hang out with them when Kevin's not around, so I feel like it'll be bonding time, lol...I think these are the people who, ten years from now when I'm all married and settled down (well, maybe not 'settled', ha ha), I'll still be calling up every now and then. At least, I'm hoping that's what'll happen. ;)

I'm starting to feel kind of sorry for Josh. None of us can stand him, really, but a part of me understands that when he's rude and obnoxious, he doesn't really realize he's being that way. He's not mentally disabled or anything, it's just that he's been so pathetically sheltered and coddled all his life that he doesn't really know how to act in society. When it comes right down to it, I'd rather not have to hang out with him at all because he really irritates me. But two days this week, I ended up sitting alone with him for a few minutes at lunch. The first day I was like, "Ohhh, no..." when he came up to me, but he's somewhat different when it's just the two of us. I don't know, maybe he feels like he needs to somehow prove himself in front of everyone else, and so he acts out a little more. Or maybe it's just that we were only alone for a few short minutes each time. Either way, I found I didn't mind all THAT much that I had to sit with him.

For some reason that I'm not proud of, when I get irritated I turn mean. I don't get in anybody's faces, but I make really snide remarks and other such things. It's like I can't even control it; in the back of my mind, I know I'm being absolutely horrible, but I'm so unskilled with showing my irritation and anger in healthy ways that it just comes out as sarcastic, biting remarks. That's why, with Charlie, Mom won't listen to me when I genuinely want to express my frustration, because she thinks I'm just being nasty toward him.

Anyway, last night we were all walking back from dinner, and I don't know if Josh wanted to come in with us or not, but Lauren and I had walked ahead of the rest and were waiting at the door to Ralston waiting for everyone else. Kevin and Josh came running up, and Kevin hurriedly slid his card, unlocked the door, and ran inside. He shut the door firmly just before Josh got there, standing inside while Josh continued trying to open the door from the outside. I guess he must've said he was going home or something--Lauren and I were talking to each other, so we didn't hear--because he started walking away. Kevin remained at the door, and feeling cheeky, I rushed up to the glass with the intention of pressing myself against it or something. He must've thought I was going to try to get in, though, because he opened the door and whispered, "Hurry up! C'mon, get in here!" Lauren and I ran in, and then we just kept going. I had to wonder if Josh looked back at all and felt that we were completely ignoring him.

I didn't like that feeling.

So, from now on I think I'm going to make a concerted effort to be nicer to him. He really IS a nice guy, and even when he's rude he doesn't really MEAN to be. I'm kind of tired of being mean to him...