Today's rambling: My personal milestone
Written on Thursday, Sept. 26, 2002 at 1:26 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I'm on my way to getting over my pathetic awkwardness! :P I know, that didn't make much sense. Let me just start from the beginning, since I love to do that. ;)

Woke up a little after 9 and got dressed and everything, then walked down to the station to do a sit-in before reading the news. Kristen let me talk on the air (just saying to stick around 'cause after the break, blah blah), then seque into the break and everything. I only have two sit-ins left, so now I'm starting to do more work on the board. Strangely enough, I really don't get nervous talking on the air. Paul, last night, was nervous just to read the Community Calendar: you could hear it in his voice. I'm sure I was nervous when I read the weather for the first time, but by now I'm fine. When I mess up during the news, stuttering or whatever, it doesn't bother me as much as it might if I was talking in front of a huge group of people. I'm just totally comfortable talking when I can't see my audience. :P I'd probably be pretty good being on-air TV talent, for the same reason. The only difference is I'd have the whole camera crew and the other talent around, so I'd be more hesitant. Radio is definitely my medium.

After the news was read, I went over to Dr. Kahle's office to see if my CIS lab went through. I don't know WHAT the problem is, but I think it's with my disk. The lab didn't go through even when I sent it a second time, so she gave me a new disk and told me to try it all over again. This woman is DEFINITELY getting a card from me, LOL! I told her that what's irritating me the most is that, with this being the second lab that didn't get sent, I know it's starting to look as if I haven't been doing them (and I'm just blaming it on a faulty disk or something). But she believes that I did it, and that's so great. I did BOTH the past two labs the day they were assigned! Anyway, I went upstairs to the computer lab and did the CIS lab all over again, but I couldn't send it from there because I couldn't remember the web address where you send it. :P

Here's where I come back to the first sentence of this entry. ;) Having gone without breakfast today (as I always do on Tuesdays and Thursdays), my stomach was protesting rather vehemently. It was either stop by Chandler on my way back to my dorm, or go back to my room and eat potato chips.

I am SICK of potato chips...and snacks in general.

So I just sucked it up and entered Chandler Dining Hall. By myself. Knowing I'd have no one to sit with.

For most people, that doesn't sound very important. But from the beginning of this year, I have been terrified of eating by msyelf. The thought of sitting at a table on my own...I know it sounds silly, but I hate being out in public by myself! I feel like everyone is staring at me, and even though the reasonable part of myself knows that's not so, I'm ruled more by irrational thought at those times. So up until today, if I couldn't find anyone to eat with, I'd just stay in my room and eat chips (or whatever snack was at hand). I think I ate in record time today. All I got was a hot dog and a few fries, and I plunked myself down at a table by the window. I didn't want to eat a whole lot anyway, since I plan to go to dinner later. But anyway, after I finished my food, I made myself an ice cream cone and left.

I'm very proud of myself for that, even though it seems like such a small accomplishment. I need to get over this social paralysis of mine, because I hate to be like that. It's not that I want a complete personality transformation, because as I am now, I think I'm a pretty good person. I'd just like to be a little more outgoing and less afraid to go out in public. It's going to be a long, slow process, I'm sure, but at least I'm making progress.