Today's rambling: Dilemmas not welcome!
Written on Friday, Jun. 14, 2002 at 9:29 p.m.
while feeling a bit

Someone else took me off their favorites list! *sniffles* Oh well. I'm not in this for anyone else anyway, so HA! :oP Hehe...

Right, so today Mom had to work an extra hour and a half to make up for the time she lost by leaving early (for our dentist appointment) yesterday. I wasn't looking forward to having to sit around all that time, and there was no way I was going to work that much longer (because, despite Frank's argument that "it's money", I really couldn't care less. It's also work).

I told my tale of woe to Geoff during our break, and then later I decided to ask him if he wanted to hang around the store with me, hehe...Before I'd even gotten the question out of my mouth, however, he said, "I'll drive you home."

What a victory! Yet I felt like I'd backed him into a corner and it was either a matter of feigning ignorance, or flat-out telling me he couldn't take me home. Of course I had imagined him driving me home, but I wasn't about to actually try and get him to do it. Even just hanging out with me for a short while after our shifts were over would have been fine. So despite my elation at his offer, I still felt like I had to refuse him.

Later that day, after I'd finished, I went over to chat with him, like I normally do. "Let me just get this finished up," he said, "and then we can go."

"That's not what I came over here for!" I protested. "You really don't have to drive me home." Yet he insisted that it was fine, so that was that. I informed Mom of where I was going, Geoff finished up some last-minute stuff, and then we were off!

But we didn't just go home. "Since you say you never get out of the house," he said, "do you want to drive around a little bit?"

A 'little bit' went from around 5 (maybe a little before) until about 8:30 this evening. I saw three MORE Genuardi's that I'd never seen before (though he wouldn't let me walk around inside any of them, hehe, since we both still had our work shirts on), and we actually made it down into Philadelphia, where I finally got to see the spot where the weather folks from my favorite news program do their thing. *giggles* If only we'd gotten there earlier, so they'd be outside and I could yell excitedly out the window like everyone else does on TV. :oP

All the while, if there were things he wanted to show me, he'd lightly hit my arm or my leg to get my attention. It doesn't sound like much, but it's more physical contact than he's usually willing to give, hehe, so I savored it. ;) And we got to listen to The Moody Blues and the classic rock radio station, so all was well.

He didn't come in with me this time, which turned out to be a good thing because Linda and Adrienne were over. Instead, he swung up as close to the sidewalk as he could get, I thanked him for driving me around, and I confirmed that yes, he will be attending my birthday 'party'. ;) That made me quite happy. Mom says this is my opportunity to 'make my move', ha ha...Maybe if I drink enough..? *grins* Just kidding. I know everyone expects to get me smashed, but I don't plan to let things get that far. Why would I want to act like an idiot in front of everybody? It wouldn't be so bad to have enough that I could at least just sort of let loose a little bit--you know, stop being so reserved and awkward, which I hate--but that doesn't require me drinking so much that I'm staggering and just generally being really stupid.

Frank called about 5 or 10 minutes after I got home, and I ended up telling him about getting a ride home with Geoff. He was just like, "OooOOOooo," in that schoolkid sort of way...But then I got to talking about the birthday thing, and I was like, "None of my friends get along with each other, so I hate having parties because everyone's so awkward!" He asked who didn't like who, and so finally I said something about him being awkward around Geoff.

"Why would I be awkward around him??" he asked, in that tone of voice that clearly said 'You're being stupid!'. I realized that unless I came up with something quickly, I'd have to admit that I thought he had a crush on me and was sort of jealous of Geoff. Thankfully, I came up with:

"Well, every time you're around him, you just clam up!"

So what did he say? "That's just because some of the stuff he says is really stupid."

Bad move, Frank. Sure, I'll be the first to admit that Geoff isn't the most serious guy in the world, and he's known to say some VERY off-the-wall stuff, but it's just...him! He's not trying to impress anybody..if anything, it's his way of sort of making himself comfortable, if that makes sense. Not that I'd expect Frank to understand, since he doesn't know Geoff at all.

Upon telling this story to Mom, he said, "He's still coming up though, isn't he?"

"Honestly," I replied, "I really don't want him here."

And it's the truth, even though I know it's wrong to think that way. If Geoff wasn't going to be coming up here, then it wouldn't be so bad, but if Geoff and Frank are there, there'll be this tense sort of feeling in the air that will just make me miserable. I won't feel like I can flirt with Geoff because it'll irritate Frank...and likewise (though this doesn't matter as much to me because I don't think Geoff cares), I wouldn't want to pay too much attention to Frank in case Geoff got the idea that I wasn't interested in him!

But I know that, unless I want to completely alienate Frank forever, I'll have to invite him. It would be rude not to, you know? Yet then I think, "This is supposed to be MY night, so why should I conform to being polite when I know that inviting him will only make me miserable all night?" I'm not sure what to do. Maybe I could try to do something else on another night, just me and him and maybe some other people our age. Nooo, that would make me really uncomfortable, being around people my age. Heh. I just don't know what to do with him! He's like the odd man out! Ugh, if only he had a girlfriend!!!

When I got home, I did smile to see a big envelope from Clarion waiting on my bed. It has a campus map, info about the different career thingies, a sticker for my car (if I had one)...! Very spifty stuff! I just hope the orientation stuff arrives soon. I've already requested off for those days!

All three women out there are obviously buzzed, at the very least, because they're laughing loudly and obnoxiously. Diary, if I end up telling you that that's what happened to me on my birthday, I beg you to somehow reach through this computer and smack me senseless. Their behavior is exactly how I DON'T want to act! (Thankfully, it's rare for Mom to drink enough to get obnoxious like this.)

(On a last note, I got to play briefly with Geoff's hair. *smiggles* I liked it. ^_~ )