Today's rambling: The Long Wait
Written on Friday, Apr. 19, 2002 at 9:28 p.m.
while feeling a bit

What an interesting day! Har har har.

Mom met with a new lawyer today at 3:30, so she had to leave work early. I couldn't afford to leave as well because there'd be no one in the bakery department for over an hour, which is obviously not good. So Mom said that if I couldn't find a ride home, she'd just come pick me up whenever the consultation thinger was over. Fine by me. I'm so used to waiting, I hardly even mind anymore.

Sometime in the early afternoon (or maybe late morning), I passed by Frank and he asked me if I'd found a ride home yet. I knew where this conversation was heading and replied that no, I hadn't, but that Mom would be coming back for me. He asked when, and I said I didn't know, so he said he was going to take me home.

"You're not taking me anywhere!" I shot back. For whatever reason, I just didn't feel right about asking him to drive me home. And granted, I hadn't asked, but I have the feeling that Mom might've asked him--or somehow hinted about it--this morning when she saw him. At any rate, he told me that yes, he was taking me home, and eventually I found that it was useless to argue. So I said okay.

He went on lunch a few minutes after me, and while we were sitting back there, Mom came back to say she was leaving. Frank told her that he was driving me home. Blah blah, it got to be 4:30, and I was all by myself in the bakery department. Consequently, I had quite a bit of stuff still left to be packaged and whatnot, and I wasn't helped at all by the customers approaching the counter to get stuff from the gourmet case. Frank walked over (looking rather nice in a cream-colored polo-type shirt), and I informed him that I was running quite late.

"Just go ahead home," I told him, perhaps partly out of that fickle female 'I'm telling you to do this but I expect you to refuse' attitude we sometimes like to pull.

"No, I don't want to just leave you here!" he argued, though it was obvious that he was NOT interested in staying. It didn't take me long to persuade him, because after only a few minutes he said, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'll be fine! Just go!" I laughed. He told me to call him if I couldn't get a hold of Mom, and then said to call if I did get home. Blah blah. Not 5 minutes after he left, a HUGE thunderstorm rolled through (the rain made vision nearly impossible even when stationary...I don't want to imagine having to drive in the stuff), so I'm kinda glad he didn't attempt to drive me home, after all.

I finished all my stuff at 5, and Mom finally got to me at about a quarter 'til 8. Don had offered to drive me home at 6:30, but I really don't know him well enough to have accepted. It was still awfully nice of him to have offered, though...Even dear old Leroy didn't offer! He said if I'd lived closer, he would've driven me home in a heartbeat. Well, at least I still have Geoff and Frank. Ha ha ha...Seriously, though, I found myself wishing that Geoff had been working. Funny how I didn't want to impose on Frank, but I wouldn't have minded asking Geoff for a ride...*giggles*

Actually, I wouldn't have outright asked...I probably would've just said something like, "I'm stranded!!!" and then elaborated once he asked what on earth I was talking about. ;)

Yesterday at lunch, I made a comment about Ryan not talking to me, then followed it up with, "I hope this isn't just a passing phase!" Almost immediately afterward, I sighed disgustedly at myself, chuckled a little, and exclaimed, "I need to stop that...I'm being so mean!"

"Oh yeah, you're the meanest person I've ever come across," he said (well, something similar to that), his voice dripping with sarcasm. And here I thought I was coming across to him as a bitter meanie. :oP

Nicole implied tonight, as I was talking with her during my wait, that Frank is wondering whether I like him as something more than friends. He'd called me last night and told me about how she said that Geoff was corrupting me (he thinks he's worse than Geoff...I haven't corrected this mistake yet, ha ha...let him have his delusions), but that was all he mentioned of talking to her last night. But today, when I approached Nicole (she's 30-something, by the way, hehe), her first words to me were: "I heard you were being a little feisty last night!"

Later on, she told me that she and Frank were talking, and I guess he got to telling her about me teasing him. "I thought she liked Geoff," Nicole had said. Frank replied with, "Yeah, so did I!"

Oh dear. I've accidentally gone too far. It's just that we BOTH tease each other and flirt and stuff, and let's face it: I have had pretty much NO experience with flirting at all, and very little experience with having guys as friends. But I feel like now I'm turning into Erin, and I don't want that!

We need to get honest with each other, though, Diary. I'll start first. When I first met Frank...well okay, when I VERY first saw him, I thought he was some creepy-looking guy because he never actually talked to me (he worked in Seafood at this time); he just seemed to stare with those intense dark eyes of his. When he was moved over to the Food Service department, we got to talking a little bit, and it was more him who befriended me, rather than a mutual friendship thing. But I remember that I began to develop a small crush on him...because hey, he's cute!

There seems to be a familiar theme going on, however, because at the time, there was another guy working there and I had more of a crush on him...which of course sort of pushed Frank to the back.

Now, my feelings are all scrambled. I can't help but be kind of attracted to the guy, but at the same time I know that we don't have enough in common to actually try a relationship. Nobody seems to understand this, probably because it's not them. But we just do NOT have dating compatibility! I would know, as it's me involved here, hehe ;) Yet as I said, I can't help having feelings for him! Eesh...Well, he's not very reliable, as evidenced by today. *grins teasingly* He did call here, however, asking Mom if I'd gotten a ride or whatever. Heh.

Tonight when I called him, he asked, "Do I get something for offering, at least?"

"No," I replied immediately. "You didn't follow through, so you don't get a thing."

That was fun. ^_^

But then his friend got on the phone (they were in the mall..it's a good thing I DIDN'T need a ride home, I guess!), and I don't remember the exact quip but I was like, "Oh, geez!" This is probably the same guy who let his girlfriend give him a blow job while Frank was over playing a video game with him. Now THAT'S taste, eh? Ohhhhhh, I just made a really disgusting pun, didn't I? >_<

I got Lola's parcel today, wheeeee! I'm wearin' my necklace, and now I have another "Je suis aim�e" pin! *huggle* Fankoo, Lolabeans!!!

Speakin' of her, though...I finally remembered to put in my request for time off! I only requested from the 14-22...That gives me a day to get readjusted before starting work again, but what if the jetlag lasts longer? Heh...Oh well, so long as I get this time off, I'll be okay! Nicole said she'd talk to John, too, since they're friends or something. I hope it all works out! I don't want to book a plane ticket 'til he tells me whether or not he'll give me the time off...it's nearly a MONTH in advance, though, so he shouldn't give me too much of a hard time! And I did OK it with Zenon, didn't I? *grins* My bases should be fairly well-covered!

It's two minutes before 10 o'clock, and of course I feel like collapsing into bed. Last night, my computer freaked out on me again, and I would've had to restart the whole machine in order to keep the same thing from happening. But I was so exhausted that I just glared at the monitor and then shut everything down. Linda came over a little while later, because her boyfriend's son got in her face and it understandably upset her...Okay, get this. Her boyfriend has Lou Gehrig's Disease, and he's at the point now where he can do little more than absolutely nothing. Maybe he actually can't do ANYTHING now, I don't know. But at any rate, his family has had nothing to do with him this entire time. It's been Linda who's cared for him, even though he is a complete jerk to her (getting angry if she goes out one night to have fun...she's hired nurses and all, but even when he was well he had to control her). So the other night she asked if he would sell the house to her, and he said no. She finally got her nerve together and called his son, telling him that he'd better care for his father because she was leaving. He called her a lazy bitch or something, I forget exactly...it wasn't good.

I'm digressing, though, so I'll get back on track. She came over last night and brought my darling Blackie with her. He's not used to it here, so it was obvious that he was really anxious and nervous. Mom and Linda went outside, and he followed me around as I dumped my aprons into the washer and finally went to my room. He jumped up on my bed (which is so high off the ground that he just barely cleared the top), curled up against my pile of clean laundry (which I promptly moved, of course), and just lay there while I wrote in my paper diary.

They were still talking outside when I finally went to bed, and Blackie curled up in the curve of my bent legs, right behind the knees. Hehe...Then I fell asleep. When I woke up, he was gone again and the house was dark and silent, but it was comforting having him there for that brief time. I miss my puppies...

This new lawyer could have gotten our house back for us. We would've had to file for bankruptcy, I think, but it would've all worked out and we could have lived in the house the entire time. So guess what:

The sheriff's sale had already gone through and the house was bought by the bank.

In some ways, I don't mind so much anymore. My bedroom was really small (not that this one is much better), everything had gotten sort of dingy anyway since we just didn't care at the end...and most of the neighbors were irritating.

But still, it was my home for over 10 years. When Kirsten and Bekka were up, Mom stopped by the house and showed them around. The electricity had been cut off long before, so we were taken on a flashlight tour, and everything just looked so empty. My room still had the old board from my daybed resting against the wall, with some of my old pillows tossed carelessly aside; the bathroom was empty except for old stuff we'd discarded from the drawers...and it was cold inside. Even colder than it was outside! Being there really disturbed me...for several days, actually. When it stormed a few days later, I nearly started crying because of some feeling of "Aww, my poor lonely house...!" Not that a house really has feelings, but...oh well. What's done is done!

Dad's done a good job of making sure I want nothing to do with him. We're starting to learn a few other things about him as well, but I'm not at liberty to say that here, heh...

Alright, now that I've talked myself hoarse (ha ha ha), I'm leaving. What's left to do...well, I haven't MUDed in a day or so, so maybe I'll do that. Or not. I'll probably end up falling asleep in the middle of the game. I had a strong urge to watch "Mulan" the other night, but our VCR isn't hooked up and I don't know what happened to the necessary hooking-up cable! Eesh!