Today's rambling: Happy Eashter
Written on Sunday, Mar. 31, 2002 at 1:19 p.m.
while feeling a bit

I started out being ahead of schedule...and ended up being about 15 minutes behind. Thanks to stupid customers who just had to get all their stuff today, Karen (because she wasted all her time yesterday--as usual--and didn't make Wonder Whip), and various other things, I was late. And now I'm in a bad mood.

A woman came up to the counter and asked if her bread order for 11:30 was ready yet. It wasn't even 9 o'clock yet. I wanted to lean forward, stare right into her eyes, and say, "Um, if you ordered it for 11:30, then it's not ready yet." But I didn't. I just grabbed four loaves of bread that were supposed to go out on the shelf and gave them to her.

Another woman came up and asked if we had any more Easter egg cakes. I asked Zenon, and he said no. So what does the woman ask then? "Do you have any other Easter cakes?" When the answer was again no, she acted all affronted. Gee, sorry. Maybe if you hadn't WAITED 'TIL THE LAST MINUTE, there would have been some cakes for you! For goodness' sake, I am constantly amazed at these people! Sure, maybe we should have had one or two cakes out there, since we're open on Easter, but anyone with at least HALF of their brain cells working would realize that it would greatly behoove them to get their stuff early!

Alright, so then there's this guy. And he wants 'braided bread'. He asked Claire, so Claire asked Zenon, and Zenon said no. I guess maybe 20 minutes later or so, the same guy comes up to me. Am I a Moron Magnet?

"I asked someone if you had any braided bread, and they said no," he began.

"Then, hello, I think that means we don't," I would have liked to interject. Instead, I kept silent, wishing I could bore holes through his skull with my eyes, and he kept going.

"Do you have any sort of bread like that?"

"Wouldn't we have told you if we did? We're not hoarding it away from you just to be asses." Again, what I wanted to say. Instead I sighed, put down what I was doing, and showed him over to the Challah bread...which is sort of braided, I guess.

This guy, by the way, was on his cell phone...because apparently, whatever brain cells he has are linked inextricably to the person on the other end of the line. So he picked up the bread and said to his brainmate, "I looked at this bread before, and it looks almost like rolls." To me, he asked, "Doesn't it look like rolls?"

"Sort of, I guess," I replied, hoping he'd shut up so I could leave. "But it's bread."

"It's bread?"

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, you frickin' RETARD, it's deli meat in disguise!!! Oh my gosh, it's hiding Lilliputians inside, just like the Trojan Horse hid the Greeks, and as soon as you take it home they're going to come charging out and DESTROY your Easter dinner!!! Egads, you'd better put it down now!!!

I hate people. I really do.

Another little thing that irritated me today was a guy asking if we could slice his bread for him. I might not have minded so much if I wasn't so busy, but today it just grated on me. It kind of annoys me most of the time anyway, when people ask if we can slice bread for them. Are their hands disabled? Sure, we have a handy dandy machine that does it and all the slices come out uniformly, but it gets really tedious when those women come up with FIVE loaves of bread and wait there while you slice each of them. Laaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

Speaking of lazy, on the way into the apartment complex today, I realized that golf is the fat man's sport. Not that I've only ever SEEN fat men playing, but think about it. What other sport requires you to do nothing more than swing a club at a ball? You don't even have to WALK very much, thanks to the golf cart! Well, there is bowling, I suppose.

Both of those sports take a pretty good deal of skill to play well (I've never played golf, but as far as bowling goes, I do very well with getting my ball in the gutter). So I'm not saying that golf is the loser's sport. I'm just saying that it's quite friendly toward the overweight man.

I think I might make my scalloped pineapple thingy after all, even though I was feeling too tired earlier. I don't much relish the idea of cutting up all that bread, but I'm hungry. And I smell the ham cooking. And scalloped pineapple goes oh so well with ham. Mmmm...My tummy's growling just thinking about it.

Oo, almost forgot. Just to end things on a nice note, I'll relate my last Geoff-related story from yesterday (which I'd forgotten before). When Leroy first entered the break room and saw me and Geoff, he stood there for a second.

"Are you two getting married yet??" he demanded.

"Yes," Geoff replied about a beat afterward.

^_^ Should I buy my dress now or later? HA HA!! Just kidding. ;)