Today's rambling: I'm abstaining.
Written on November 18, 2001 at 5:47 p.m.
while feeling a bit

*chuckles softly*

I suppose maybe my last diary entry made Geoff sound like your typical heartless male. And hey, maybe he is...I don't know him that well yet, after all. But he didn't just "stand me up" (for lack of a better phrase) on purpose. Since I'm so fond of doing so, I suppose I'll backtrack a little bit!

Earlier yesterday, I'd gone up to him and asked if he was still going to show up. He said yes, but then told me that he had to cut two hours (of work...we're not allowed to have unapproved overtime), so he was probably going to go home. He didn't say it like, "I'm just going to go home and not come back," but a part of me knew that that was what was going to happen. Still, the suppressed optimist in me hoped I'd see him later that night.

I already told you how few people showed up, and how far apart. Keith told me as we were getting up to leave that Geoff had said he was going to go home and take a nap...so we all figured that he'd just fallen asleep and never woke up. In all honesty, I can't blame him at all. The guy works basically 6 days a week, 8 1/2 hours a day...and it's hard work. How can I begrudge him some well-needed rest? Besides that, I think he's still kind of recovering from whatever bug hit him way back (yeah, it was awhile ago, but I think when you're that run-down, it's hard to get better).

Still, I suppose it was a bit selfish of me to have expected him to apologize or something this morning. He started an hour or so after I did, and it wasn't that I expected him to pull me aside and make some big long, dramatic and poetic apology. Instead, I saw him in the back room, he flashed me a grin and asked, "So how did it go last night?"

o_O

"It was a total disaster," I told him tartly, and walked on past. He laughingly echoed "Disaster?" (apparently not getting that I wasn't very happy) but that was about it. I rushed out of there after throwing the trash out.

Awhile later, Dave and I walked into the back freezer 'cause Frank told us that we were supposed to get the bakery load out immediately. We were standing there just sort of assessing this huge pallet of stuff when Geoff walked in. He told us we didn't have to worry about it, that Zenon would have to do it later when he came in. Then he said something about just being angry at all the mess, and I was like, "Yeah, Dave told me you said you were just going to throw it all away." I said it kind of jokingly, but I didn't look at him at all the whole time I said it. Yeah, I know I was being silly. Like I said, I didn't blame him for not showing up, I just got irritated when he acted like I knew he wasn't going to be there! I dunno. It was stupid anyway.

At ANY rate, I don't remember his exact words, but he DID apologize then. Nothing elaborate at all, but I wasn't looking for that, remember? ;) I cheered up a little bit, but not all THAT much.

Frank said he'll help me plan out the next outing, hehe...so later on I saw Geoff again (well okay, I actually sought him out that time), and I said, "Frank said he was going to plan the next thing, since mine was just a total failure."

"It wasn't your fault!" Geoff exclaimed, laughing disbelievingly.

"I was the one who'd planned the whole thing!" I argued. Then I told him about everything that had gone wrong last night...I forget where it was, but I just threw in a teasing, "So I went home and cried."

"No you didn't, did you?"

"Yes, I did." (Heh...sympathy is always good. ;) Even though I WAS telling the truth, hehe! :oP )

"Ohh, don't do that!" He replied. Hehehe...I always like letting people know how upset I am. ;) Well, not ALL the time..only when it works out to my advantage (not that I know if this has, hehe...don't think so, but yeah)!

"So anyway, should I invite you to this, or will you fall asleep again?"

*giggles* There's no definite date laid out for this little group thing...Frank gave me a time period, but I have to admit I was only half paying attention to him at the time.

So yeah, that was just about it. I'm still feeling rather low, but at least I'm not quite so despondent as I was last night. I was so upset last night I couldn't even get to sleep...had to take a Tylenol PM just to get myself to relax! Maybe I should buy some of those sleep aids, just for the nights when my mind's too busy to let me fall asleep. It's not like I'd need them all that often...Sleep and I are quite good companions. In fact, I think Sleep is quite the seducer. I'm going to have to start telling it that we're getting a little too close for my liking. *smiggles and shakes her head* Don't ask, I have no idea what I'm talking about.

*huggles Demmy* Thank you for thinking about me!!! I felt very warm and fuzzy. ^_^ And just so you don't feel bad or anything (though I don't know if you would, hehe)...it was definitely a good thing you didn't IM me. My Away message was angry and vulgar, hehe! I didn't want to talk to ANYBODY!

As it is now, there are only a certain few people who I'd be able to talk to without feeling irritated...Lola, Jam, Demmy, and Tiff, basically. *giggles* Well, not that I really talk to anybody else anyway, but those are the only four who I never not want to talk to! ;)

Ugh, thinking of that brings up another problem, one that I know definitely IS silly, and maybe I'll get over it, but...I don't think I really want to go out anywhere with dating couples right now. I'm feeling really depressed over this whole thing with Geoff (and my whole sorry "couldn't get a date if I paid the guy" state in general)....Friends are fine, but if I have to sit around for hours looking at public displays of affection, I'll become violent. Or just really moody. Or I could cry. The latter two are definite possibilities.

Yeah, so...I should've just emailed ya, Tiff, and told you that (since I don't know if you read this diary all that often...and even if you do, I shoulda emailed you anyway)...I just feel stupid for being like this. And maybe, like I said, I'll get over it. But I don't know about the big group Harry Potter thing. Unless I'm sitting at the opposite end of the theater and hitchike there and home again. I'm not trying to be offensive, 'cause it's not like SHE's got anything to be ashamed of (if that makes sense), it's just that I can't be around it right now, you know?

Well, I can't be around ANY of it, because it just makes me cranky. I need to be around other bereft souls, such as Frank and Erin. Misery loves company, y'see. *chuckles*

So now that I've succeeded in making people angry at me, I think I'll go. *sighs* I don't feel quite so good as I did earlier! :-